Are mismatched libidos a valid reason to break up with your b/f?

Recently in our relationship he lost his desire for sex more than once every week or 2. I know lots of people will say that's a pretty standard number, but that's the cherry on top of how i had a bad reaction to birth control which he knew about, didn't enjoy unprotected sex because he found it hard to not finish too soon, yet didn't tell me and i felt like shit for a month straight.

He's begging for me to reconsider now that I let him know about my frustration, but I told him I don't want sex if it's not sincerely wanted from both ends. And if we're only having sex when he wants it due to him never being dtf when i try to initiate, it seems like a lot of unnecessary stress.

Have you or anyone you know ever broken up with someone due to differences in libido? How did that work out?
or would the amount of sex we have be a normal thing to happen once we're almost half a year into the relationship and a lot of the novelty has worn off?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Sex is one of those things that most people take for granted in a relationship. It is often put to the side as one of those things that is just supposed to work itself out because no one wants to talk about it. Having mismatched sex drives is really not different from having different interests. For someone like me, having rather similar interests is incredibly important. I want a girlfriend that will go do things with me and enjoy them because she enjoys them, not just cause I'm there with her. So for me, if our sex drives don't match up there is a problem. If she wants it more than I do, I feel pressured to stay in when I want to go do other things. If I want it more than she does, then I feel that I am pressuring her. It's never really a good situation.

    What it comes down to is this: are you being satisfied? Are your needs being met? If he is meeting them then there is no cause to break up. If you feel unfulfilled and feel like you need more, then that is an incredibly valid reason for breaking up. At that point, it just isn't working out and there is no need to try and force it.

    • we have different interests but i always listen to his ramblings anyhow. as for whether my needs are being met, he recently started taking me to the beach nad whatnot which was fun. However, we used to work out a lot together which I do a lot by myself still, and am hesitant to bring him along now because he took up this ridiculous vegan and 2-5 day fasting thing.

      So idunno, maybe our relationship has run its course :(

    • It sounds like that may be the case. Despite what some will have you believe, breaking up is okay. It doesn't mean you didn't work hard enough or that you're abandoning the guy, you're moving on so the both of you can find someone better. Give it some thought, don't ask too rashly, and when you make a decision commit to it a 100%. I hope I've helped.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Looks like your biggest issue is lack of communication. If you refuse to communicate with your partner and bottle up issues for weeks your next break up won't be about sex but will still be inevitable.

    Why can't people be honest with each other?

    Yes, sexual incompatibility is a good reason to break up with someone. This is why I'm not a big of fan lets wait to have sex till marriage (while a noble endeavor, what if you find out your partner doesn't like sex...oops)

    • no i've told him several times within the past few months that i don't feel as though i'm getting enough sex. He would sleep with me then & maybe 2 more times within the next few days, then back to once every 2 weeks.

      This has been out in the open for almost 3 months, and it's not getting any better. I didn't mind because he was busy with this and that, but today when it came up he just flat out said his libido isn't as high as mine. :(

      it just sucks because when we first got together, we were really kinky and had a lot of crazy fun times. For whatever reason his libido took a nosedive as of the past month or 2. (he's 22 and healthy btw)

    • Show All
    • yea taht's what we talked about yesterday when it casually came up in conversation. He said I probably just have a higher libido, though we can meet in the middle and schedule 2x a week. I'd be fine with that, but what's the fun in sleeping with someone who is doing it out of obligation more than actually wanting you?

    • Mhm...yeah I know where you are coming from. It just surprises me, cause typically it's the other way around---a woman doesn't want to have sex as much.

      For me the two most important things in a relationship is communication and sex, when one of those falls to the way side, it's not going to be a fulfilling long term relationship...

  • Once every week or 2 is pretty lousy, at almost any age.He's not likely to improve on that as he gets older.
    If he's interested in it 3 times a day in his mid-20s, you can count on him being interested most days when he's in his mid-50s.I expect this man will have zero interest when he reaches 40, and that can happen (it's not far from that, now).
    I can't say that I've left a relationship over poor physical affection and sexual performance from a partner, but I've been tempted to at times.If it ever happened again to the point where I missed out on sex most days, I'd be out of there.Life is too short.

  • For that very reason I just ended a five year relationship where we've spent several living together. Yes, if it's a big deal it's a big deal and you're probably better off finding someone you're more compatible with. If it's not something that can be fixed (like if he's on certain medication, suffers from depression or whatever) but you want fundamentally different things where sex is concerned it's really up to you to choose. Can I live with it his way or is it something I can't cope with? Seems like you already chose the latter. Stop second guessing yourself, you chose for a reason.

  • depends on how different


What Girls Said 1

  • this didn't happened to me but to a close friend of mine

    • did she regret it afterwards, or was she happy with her decision?

    • i won't say regret it but she felt a bit sad..she find someone who was equal to her desires

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