Boyfriend and father of my child was being sneaky about another girl, caught him and now he broke up with me. he's confused about us now too. help.?

hello, My sons father, my son and i are currently living in my moms temporally. we were suppose to be saving money for a house and our future. we are not engaged yet and we have been together what would of been next month 7 years. i've been talking a lot about getting engaged so we can get married, because its been so long and we have a child. I recently caught him being interested in another girl, he was texting her and i tried to kick him out. but my mother is letting him stay till he finds another place to live. He broke up with me and is confused on what he wants, he says he thinks he loves me but he can't stand me half the time. He says why should we go on pretending everythings fine? He also still texts me on his lunch break to see how i am, and tells me wheres going. I don't' text him first and i don't ask to know his whereabouts. I"m so confused how he could do this. He said he wants his own space and i should of never snooped or we wouldn't be going through this. He is completely negative about everything and I've tried to explain the positives and everything i've done for him and our son. He resents me for going to school. But i graduate Tuesday and i'm looking for a job as i promised. he also keeps saying he didn't want a family, i choose that for us when i got pregnant. He loves our son but i forced him into growing up and providing for our family when i choose to keep our child. He's 30 may i add, and our son is 3. He was into drugs bad up till age 28 and we choose to move an hour away so he could get better. he got sober, got a great job, and improved himself so much. He was 28 partying with 21 and 22 year olds, he was in and out of bands, he was majorly into drugs. when i got pregnant i choose to keep it because if we were stupid enough to get pregnant then we needed to take responsibility. its been the hardest road but i always stuck by him and helped him. Why is he choosing to leave our family instead of commit? its always been me and him.


Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds like he has not yet matured from his former lifestyle. He was able to quit the drugs. But he is not ready for the responsibility of a family.
    In my opinion. He does need some space to get his head together and decide what he wants to do. Hopefully he will make the right decision and stay to raise the boy with you. But I doubt it.

    The sad part about this is you may very well end up raising your child on your own.

    Blaming you for getting pregnant is stupidity. He was there too obviously. And birth control is his responsibility as well as yours.

    He is in a position he does not want to be in. He is being selfish. He needs to either suck it up and be a man about this or go on his way.

    If he goes. Do not let him go without him giving you money every month to assist in expenses for your child.

    Quite honestly he sounds like a bit of a dink. You would likely be better off without him.

    • thank you for your response, im' just at a loss...ive back off and i don't text him. He will text me either during lunch or after work to see how i'm doing or whats up? and he'll tell me he's going to the gym. i don't ask what he's doing, he just tells me. i found out who the girl was he was texting and being gross with. she lives over an hour away and apparently he had an old fling with her back in the day. its clearly sexual. its not like he could ever go see her, he doesn't have a license. and its going to be while before he does. I just don't get it. his actions are confusing me with this break up.

Most Helpful Girl

  • He was not ready for a Commitment with You or anyone back three years ago, sweetie and even Now---Is Not ready again. He doesn't want to get tied down, have any responsibilities with you or his son, and now he is even disrespecting you and your mom by setting his sights on 'another girl' And other things---------under your nose and under mom's roof.
    He resents you highly for getting pregnant, for strapping him down when he really didn't want to, or at least thought He did, but Now Really doesn't want to-----and Now everything, three years later and a son to boot, has escalated into This mayhem.
    He's not grown up yet, he's still immature, and you need to tell him to hurry his sorry butt Out of mom's and into his own Crash pad as soon as possible. If not, he will feel he can take advantage of her kindness while he goes out and does his Thing with anyone or anything he wants to. He has a good job you say? Then it should be no problem for him to find other living arrangements for just himself.
    Aside from this innocent boy who was not asked to be born, you are not married to him, you have no ties. Move on yourself, and don't continue the full circle of taking him back when he wants to, at His convenience. Like the drugs, you were an enabler, but I do agree everyone deserves a second chance, but this time, he has blown any other chances.
    Allow him to see his boy when he wants, but do Not ever let this schmo get away without paying child support. Make this legal, or on top of being a loser to you, he will end up a dead beat dad to his son.
    Good luck.xx


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What Guys Said 1

  • And why exactly did you choose him? I don't see anything positive (other than your son) that he's brought into your lifeā€”past and present.

    • because we became friends when i was 16, and i used to watch him during his shows, i was in love. and when ever there was a party or show we were always connected at the hip. everyone saw it, then when i turned 18 he asked me to be his. and 7 years later here we are...

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