Was I so blind? I don't understand anything... Help?

Hi. I met this guy 9 months ago. He is 22 and I am 25. We fell in love with each other.
One month after we met he asked me on a date. I accepted, and the date was amazing. We went out for dinner (during which we admitted we liked each other), then we went to some bars and at the end of the night he took me home and he kissed me. I knew the moment he kissed me, that it was his first kiss (he didn't know what to do and he was too nervous; later he told me it was his first kiss).We dated for 7 months... 7 months of a great relationship (at least I thought so). We were best friends and we had a lot of chemistry. I never had anything like this before... all this attraction and all this caring. He introduced me to his parents and sister and he wanted to take me to "the family day" and introduce me to all his family. I was his "love and pride" as he said to me.
The only problem we had was our stupid arguments... he would often express himself wrong and I would get disappointed because I understood something different than what he meant. In fact, one of this situations lead to a break up. I didn't have any option rather than break up, because he said something cruel and he didn't try to make it right.
Two days after the breakup he wrote to me that he lost the best girlfriend ever and asked to talk. Back then I was to hurt and needed some more time to heal, so I said no. We met 1 wk after the breakup and he said he didn't know if he wanted to try again. That he didn't feel like it. We talked and at the end he was hugging me and kissing me. We met again 1 wk later, and again he said he was not sure... but again, he hugged me and kissed me and we had sex... and he didn't know what he wanted anymore. 4 days passed and I confronted him. He said he was not sure about us anymore. I asked him if he loved me, he said yes. But the feeling was less intense. We tried a 2nd time and he 2 wks later he broke up cause the feelings were not there. Can someone tell me what happened? :(


Most Helpful Guy

  • Seems like he loved you because of the way you made him feel and as you now probably know feelings never last forever. Because the feeling went away he eigther no longer loves you or no longer realizes he still does.

    If he genuinely loves you for who you are you two can get back together. He would have to accept that he won't feel things anymore (At least for a while but possibly forever). He would need to love you for who you are as a person and be your boyfriend purely based on that.

    If he thought he loved you because of the way you made him feel it is probably better if you let go. Things won't be the same anymore.

    Personally for me my feelings go up and down all the time. Usually every two weeks i am crazy in love (Even when there is nobody to love) or completely feeling less.

    My advice to you if you wan't him back is ask him him if he can still love you for who you are. If he really thinks you are a great person and if he could be with you for just that. If he says no let him go.

    • Yes. I am afraid you are right. Cause he always says that in the beginning he loved me a lot, like crazy love. But he doesn't see that the beginning was just a crush... was all new for him. First kiss, first make out, first sex. I made him feel amazing... and now that his life is miserable (he is unemployed for 4 months and he has no real friends) he says he doesn't feel the same for me anymore. I guess he loved the way I made him feel... and now that I cannot compensate for all the mess in his life, I'm not good enough anymore.

    • Show All
    • It's not that easy to make him see I am the perfect girl for him. Specially because now I am not even sure he loves me. At least he doesn't believe he does anymore.

    • You should explain to him whats going on. As you mentioned your basically his first everything so he never experienced that moment when the feelings go away.
      Once he knows that feelings will never stay with anyone he can decide for himself if he loves you or not.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Sounds like you two are trying to make things work but aren't on the same page and may not be too compatible either. Your belief that you dont have any option to break up when things aren't going well in the relationship is a bit naive, if you have a problem you should talk it through with your partner and if it can't be resolved then maybe moving on is the best option but it can take time to work through things and you can't just throw a relationship away.

    He's still physically and emotionally attracted to you but he also knows that you guys have had issues. I think he realizes and you will probably realize in the future as well that the two of you aren't really a great fit for each other. Sounds like you're trying to make things work but the two of you have some serious communication problems

    • Back then he said that being with me in the weekends was something he did for me. It was to hard to hear this. I repeated what he said and he didn't try to explain. That's when I broke up.
      I am aware of the communication issue, so I read a lot about it and I proposed ways to work on it.
      If he is physically and emotionally attracted, why did he say the feeling is not there anymore? I always believed he loved me... and then he says that in the beginning he loved me a lot, but the feeling decreased. That he doesn't feel like that anymore. The worst for me was that after he said this and he said we cannot be together anymore, he asked me to hug him. His heart was beating fast and he was holding me so strong.
      It's like he believes he doesn't love me... but his body says he opposite.

    • Well it sounds like he still likes you, possibly in many different ways but if there's not a future in his mind for whatever reason then it's just wasting both your time. I broke up with my ex gf and still cared a lot about her but it was just that I did not really see a future for us and wanted to see what else was out there. If it's his first relationship, it is certainly possible he may feel the same way.

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