Do I Fight or Flight With My "Soul Mate"? Please help?

I've known my ex since I was 13 (he was 14). A teenagers, we dared for three years. I went to college and we reconnected at 23 and dated for 8 years as adults. He was a great man to me--attentive, available, loving... we were completely in love. We broke up in 2012 (he became distant and seemed as though he didn't want the relationship anymore-he kind of walked away). He'd call every blue moon and like things on FB... but we really didn't talk for over a year and a half. He recently contacted me again: we talked (he said he realized we were meant to be and he'd never leave me again), hung out an became close again (we saw one another almost everyday). He even talked about moving in together soon. After a little over a month, he became distant again. Wouldn't answer or respond to texts or calls. I was completely shut out. Tired of this behavior, I went to his house unannounced and confronted him. After three minutes of silence (it took the world for him to tell me), he admitted he fathered a child while we were broken up and he just found out the child was actually his (up to this point, we were childless). I was devastated. We both cried and he claimed he wanted to be with me an get married one day. He said he wanted to make things right with "us". I told him that night the he needed to fight for us like never before if he really meant it. Since then, I haven't heard a word from him in over a week. I tried to call and text-no response whatsoever. I understand he's shocked and dealing with being a father but...
What's a broken hearted woman to do? I do feel we are meant to be but shutting me out and ignoring me (this has happened before) makes me so frustrated and leaves me feeling rejected.
Please help... do I leave this 20 year friendship/relationship or fight?


Most Helpful Guy

  • There is no such thing as a soul mate y'all have just been together (on and off) for a long time. Doesn't mean that's the only person you can be with. It's ultimately up to you. Do you want to deal with him being a father to a child that isn't yours. Do you want to rekindle your on and off relationship again or just leave it alone. It'
    s up to you. I just say that don't try to keep it together with him just because you think he's your "soul mate". I don't think there is a such thing.


Most Helpful Girl

  • That's horrible :( i feel for you. To have someone you deeply love to father someones elses child. The guilt can be killing him and he probably feel like u don't deserve him for what he has done. Maybe that's why he hasn't fought his way to be with you again. He has to clear his mind and set some priorities straight. Anyways You should have an idea why he is reacting in such a given manner since you know him better than all of us here.

    • Its all up to you to decide whether to keep on fighting or not. But no one can deal with that ON and OFF game. Is either on or off. If you need a small break from one another... Ok. But to miraculously come back after time has pass repetitively, is an inconsitent person.

      Would you like to deal with inconsistency in your life? I doubt it. Personally, I'll take the flight as hurt I'd be. But like I said its all up to you

    • Thank you for a response! It really is appreciated.
      I've done all I can... it's up to him, unfortunately.
      You hit on a very good point... more than anything the ON/OFF and inconsistency is what kills me the most. It's mental torture. Communication is key.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • You don't see your girlfriends calls and not return them. Or see texts and not reply. Personally I say kick him to the curve he ain't man enough to be in a serious relationship that will amount to anything with such an attitude. who should fix his mess if he just distances himself from it and expect it to disappear.

    • Thank you. You're quite right-I NEVER ignore him but he shuts me down. As our relationship progressed, I realized he has serious communication issues (he tends to bury his head in the sand when life throws a curveball). His immaturity is definitely showing...
      It will be quite hard to kick him to the curb... but the writing is on the wall about what needs to be done.
      Thank you!

  • Don't fight for someone who won't fight for you. Sounds like he's really struggling with where his priorities are right now. I think after going to his house to confront him, you've done what you can do. The ball is in his court now. I think you watch and wait and see what decision he makes.


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