I lost my sense of self in my former relationship where I committed my full time and actions to being the most appeasing, loving, caring girlfriend?

I have just officially finished my very first relationship at age 21! All of these emotions are still so new to me because I have never severed this type of attachment up until now. I’m not used to breaking away form someone whom received such intimate parts of me. Now that I am out of the relationship, I can see that I lost my sense of individuality in exchange for companionship. A man can give me things that I simply cannot give myself; emotionally, physically, and futuristically. Perhaps this is a problem I must address within myself. Anyhow, I basically compromised my true self so that I could commit my time and actions being the most attentive, caring, loving, loyal, resourceful, supportive, appeasing girlfriend. Now that the role of being a girlfriend is gone in my life, I’m not entirely sure who I am. I feel I have nothing but leftovers of my old self. It’s actually kinda sad.

I want to move forward with my life and find myself. How does one transition from such an impactful, primary role to just focusing on themselves and what they want out of life? Can you give me some tips and/or advice? It would be greatly appreciated!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Divine Wisdom dictates there are three kinds of relationships. The first is inhabited by two takers, short lived at best. When one or the other is done taking it is over. The second relationship is inhabited by a taker an a giver. It can go on for a very long time. The taker will take as long as the giver can give. The giver needs to be given to or they will eventually be sucked dry. This relationship is doomed to failure due to the fact it is unequally balanced. The last relationship is inhabited by two givers, HEAVEN on earth. Two people trying to out give each other. If you are not in a relationship that consists of two givers then I suggest you keep looking for the right relationship, it will save you a bunch of heart ache...

    Never stop being a giver and aspire to be a taker. Selfishness is an anchor not a blessing. Work on being the giver you are when you rediscover yourself through things like volunteer work. That way you will not morph into one of the lifeless zombies that already fully inhabits this earth. One day at a time and one step at a time. Start with the things that interest you the most.


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What Guys Said 2

  • This is why relationships are 50/50 girl.

    Not 100/0.

  • You have to recreate yourself now from the bottom up. I was in a similar situation in terms of losing myself, but not through a relationship. I had just come to pieces and realize nothing was really there anymore. I was just a shell. I had to take it upon myself to rebuild and decide who I wanted to be. I had to work to become who I wanted to be.

    Take things one step at a time. Figure out what you want/who you want to be. If you don't know, just try new things. Figure out what you like or dislike and why. Most importantly, be alone for some time. Get to know yourself again, for better AND worse.


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