Should I leave my husband or should I make my marriage work?

I've recently discovered my husband has been having an affair with a girl since we have been engaged, he doesn't know i know. from what i know they knew each other before we met and he has been in touch with her since, he hasn't actually seen her many times but he rings her up all the time and is constantly messaging her. i found out earlier this year that i had pre cancerous cells and had them removed and i found messages from my husband to his mistress saying that he needs to try at his marriage and how he takes things one day at a time in the relationship, he could be single in a year or married forever he just doesn't know. he also told her that he thinks the world of her and cares about her and let him know if she is ever in trouble, he also mentioned he wants to stay in touch with her so he knows she is doing ok. from previous messages before all this he was planning to leave me after his brother baby was born which happened just after i found out about my cells. then i found messages him telling her that i was pregnant and that they couldnt speak anymore and he hopes she is always ok. i thought that was the end of it but then i found that he had called her a month later a couple of times and messages from him to her saying he was sorry he lied about his wife being pregnant (because im not pregnant, he told her about my cancerous cells) and how he wants to stay in touch with her again, he mentioned again he could be single in a year or married forever. he was also asking about her love life and telling her what types of guys she shouldn't end up with. ,,,,,,,,,, does he truly see her as a friend now that he is suggesting guys she shouldn't end up with or should i be worried that he still likes her? i love him and we have only been married two years so i want to try at my marriage or am i fighting a losing battle? i know i look like an idiot but i love him... any help would be great i dont know who to talk to

Updates:
he has been sleeping with her before i met him and he has slept with her the times they have seen each other

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Most Helpful Guy

  • He has no respect for your marriage, at least that what it looks like. Even if you confront him, you will never know if he stops talking to his old flame. For all you know, he could just change his approach and try to get away with it again. He is using both you and his ex as safety nets, which is a complete selfish and dick move.

    You can give him another shot, but that only after confronting him, and forgiving him with all of your heart. If you can't find it in your stomach or your hear to move on from this ordeal and to never think about it again, then you have a chance.

    Good luck, I really hope you put yourself first ahead of everyone else in this situation.

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    • thank you. i just need to figure out if leaving a marriage is worth it if he is trulu going to try with me now and not see this girl again

Most Helpful Girl

  • I would leave him if I were you. I know most people would tell you to work it out, but why? There are no children involved, you've only been married for two years. I would look into getting the marriage annulled due to his involvement with this other woman.

    I'm sorry but I don't think he loves either of you. She is also stupid for listening to his BS and sticking around after all this crap. Especially for sleeping with him.

    You don't sound like an idiot, he does. And you deserve way more than what he is willing to give you.

    BTW, I'm not 100% sure, but pre-cancerous cells on your cervix is from HPV, is it not? Where do you think you got this HPV from? From your no-so-loyal husband, huh?

    Work on boosting your immune system (you might want to see a naturopath), burn those mofo's off, and move on from this a-hole.

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    • the fact we have only been married 2 years makes me want to try cos it just could be a blip that im sure everyone gets when they just got married thinking was this the right choice etc. ... i was never told it was from HPV but i guess that it would all make sense, makes me feel a bit sick tbh. thank you for the advice. i do love him and want to make it work with him especially as he wants to try at the marriage now, maybe i should see how it goes concerning his relationship wiuth her. thnka again

    • totally up to you.. most people would try to make it work. I just personally wouldn't.
      Good luck.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 5

  • I cheated on you with the other woman and said he might be single in a year sounds to me he wants his cake and eat it too I say leave him you will find a man that truly loves you and won't cheat

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    • apparently they are not gonna see each other again just speak from time to time, so is he really getting his cake and eating iit? he loves me i know i dont know if he loves her

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    • thank you :)

    • yvvw

  • This is entirely up to you. If you stay with him, he will keep sleeping with her. If you want to live your married life like that, then stay.

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    • he could stop though, as he must love me and not her considering he married me

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    • he did say to her that he knows he made a mistake getting married and if he was single she would be the girl next to him right now! i judt dont know whether he loves her

    • I don't know. And really does it matter?

  • It is only worthwhile to stay with a guy who loves you. I hope you make the right choice.

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  • türk yokmu lan :D

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  • I'm not going to tell you what to do because there are no true right answers in life. But I do suggest talking to him about this situation and explaining just how much it makes you feel. Don't attack him. Hate the behavior not the man. Also don't guilt trip him it's just going to make him feel trapped. Personally I don't like the way he's treating you or this girl and I think he's just being a emotional coward. The man's afraid to take a risk. You probably can't make him change his mind and you probably can't convince him what he's doing is hurtful. He's most likely fully aware of the damage he could be causing and is doing this anyways. He has to make that change on his own. Your best bet is to show him he doesn't need to see this girl. Talk to him and try to see his point of view and help him feel more intrinsically motivated to stay completely committed to you. If you really love this guy try to find a solution your both okay with. I'm not sure how you should go about that. Relationships are a tricky subject. The reason I'm not immediately jumping to leave him is because you have to remember he's human. He's not magically going to stop being attracted to other people because you put metal on his finger. He's also going to get scared sometimes. The mans not perfect. Just talk to him not to change him but to understand him and his motives so that you both can work together and solve this problem. Love is a verb and this is just one of those moments you have to exercise it.

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What Girls Said 9

  • Dump him... he cheated once he'll do it again because he thinks he can get away with it. He obviously has little respect or care for you... if he did he wouldn't have cheated. That's extremely messed up what he did. It sounds like he is very selfish... if you tell him and he seems sad... he'll likely only be sad he got caught... not that your feelings were hurt. You really don't deserve that treatment.

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    • he says he wants to try at his marriage and only speak to her from time to time to see how she is doing. is it worth really giving up my marriage? what if he never speaks to her again i would hve thrown it away for nothing

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    • thank you for the advice :) i do believe he wants the marriage to work and only sees her as a friend, as i think the friendship between them will fizzle out, as i dont think they love each other, or i dont think he loves her otherwise he wouldn't say he wouldn't see her again

    • You're welcome... you know the situation better than anyone else so listen to your gut. I wish you all the best!

  • Do you want us GaGers to teach your lying and cheating husband a lesson? 😨🔫😏

    In all seriousness leave him and take all his money. Leave him broke as hell.

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    • ha thanks! is it worth leeaviing my marriage when he doesn't know i know and i know he's not seeing her anymore or speaking to her as much? he told her he wants to try at his marriage so shouldn't i see how it goes

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    • lol i shall try. i just dont think i shoudl confront him unless the contact starts up all the time again

    • No. You need to bring closure to this situation. What if he never contacts her? Then will this incident just get sweeped under the rug?

  • Well in my opinion I would leave. He's been sleeping with her before you guys got married and he still is you can bet your ass he won't ever stop. He may have some sort of love for you but he also loves sleeping with the side girl. Do you want to live a marraige like that? I just got out of mine for various reasons, and we were married for 11 years, there's only so much people will put up with. You will find someone better that will love you for you and be faithful, honestly from other peoples experience that I know, your husband will continue to do this to you so it's really up to you if you want to continue to be treated that way or if you want to get out and start a new life. Good luck.

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    • thank you for the advice :) at the moment he says he can't see her but he wants to be in touch with her just so he can know if she's ok etc, so i dont think i have to worry about him sleeping with her again as he has told her he bneeds to try at the marriage, but he could be single in a year or married forver he just needs to try obviously this counts for something righht? or am i sounding deludued now lol

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    • thank you for the advice :) i hope it does stop, iim going to give it a couple of months and if contact doesn't stop with her completely i will confront him, im startikng to think a friendship between them with fizzle out especially as i dont think they love each other but i dont know

    • Lol well you put up with more than I would. Good luck and I hope everything works out

  • Leave him and take half his money.

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  • fuck! just leave him

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  • LEAVE. Don't ever put up with that. I am divorced, life is good. Get out of that hell on earth.

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  • To be honest I think you need to discuss this. Its your life. Do what YOU feel is right.

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  • Leave him! I would

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    • isn't it better to try and make it work, especially since he is trying to make it work now? surely its just a blip at the beginning of marriage

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    • i know i should, it would just break my heart seeing him run to her at the first chance

    • I understand how painful this is for you but he's a dick. He doesn't deserve you.

  • I couldnt stay with a guy like that. Personally I say leave him. He needs to know you know.

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