I have a long distance relationship and am so confused about what's going on between us. Help please?

My "boyfriend" and I had been dating for 18 months before he moved with his family to a different state. We decided we were going to continue dating and work things throughout the way. On May 25th he broke up with me. I was tired of him not making enough space to talk to me on weekends since i would work and when I would get out he would always be with his brothers (which are total flirts) & wouldn't make time for us to talk. I got to the point where i would try to do the same thing (not make much time for him) so that he could understand how I felt. Instead of understanding, he broke up with me saying that I was pushing him that way. We continue talking but he keeps confusing me about whether he still likes me or not. How can you stop loving someone from one week to another? Apparently it was easy for him. I'm supposed to go visit him the week of the 4th of July which would have been our 2 years. I'm not sure if to go or not since he doesn't seem sure about us anymore and i don't want to go and feel stupid but i also don't want to miss an opportunity of things being able to workout after finally seeing each other since I continue to love him. I'm just so confused about everything. Girls, what would you do? Guys, what do you guys think about it overall? PLEASE HELP! :/


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Most Helpful Girl

  • OMG!! Sounds exactly like my relationship. That's crazy. My bf moved to another state as well 3 years into our relationship. We kept it going but obviously had issues as well, there was a point where we broke up a week before I was supposed to go out there to visit for the first time, it was so extremly devastating because I missed him so much yet the long distance was so hard and felt nearly impossible to work out. I decided I'd go, to either at least have closure or to work things out (which is what I was hoping would magically happen) and sure enough it worked. We sat on his bedroom floor the day I got there and talked for hours and it ended up with us hugging eachother crying into eachothers shoulders. We love each other way too much to end things just like that and I'm so glad I found the courage to at least go and see him for what could've been the last time ever. The rest of my week there was amazing and seemed as if we fell in love all over again. Now he's moved back to be with me and make our relationship better despite the sacrifices he's now making. We're doing amazing now and I'm so glad I chose to not give up just like that.
    By the way reading what you wrote kinda made me tear up remembering exactly how I felt when I was going through that. I say you still go, you won't be making a fool out of yourself. Either you work things our or you have closure. I really really hope you guys work it out, don't hold back your feelings let him know how much you love him and how hard you'll try to make things work. Ldr are definitely much challenging but it also shows the things you'd do for someone you truly love and care about (: good luck and I hope you guys have a great time together

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    • wow it pretty much is the same thing! lol I'm really glad you guys were able to work things out though:) I hope it's the same thing with me. I have a question, see nobody knows we broke up except his brother. Your answer helped me to decide that I will go either for closure like you said or work things out. But if I go, I'm not sure if we will pretend like we're still dating or just act like we're friends. It would be devastating being around him and pretend like we're nothing but friends. How can I approach a question like that? should i just ask him how we're going to "act" around each other when I go?
      I'm really glad you answered, I love hearing stories about ldr, they really do give me hope. Thank you so much for sharing both your story & your opinion!:)

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    • hey just wanted to let you know that things did work out between us. Thank you very much for your advice, it sure helped :)

    • Yessss!!:D so glad to hear that, keep it going :)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • long distance sucks. Distance helps a little here and a little there but hey, your not close. I say GO. Just go, you've probably already made up your mind but just go. Have fun, because at least hey he's expecting you and just make it your time and his time together while your there. Look he made a mistake chilling with flirting brothers... and then you did the same thing... only difference is that he probably didn't notice "its his brothers" you did it deliberately.

    oh yea and you can't just stop loving someone... its not like it comes and goes. It sticks with you, especially if there was a supreme connection. Well for 2 years you stuck this close, i say give it a go

    good luck ^^

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    • yeah I decided I will go after all. & it's not that I don't like his brothers it's just that although they know me and they know he has a girlfriend they're always trying to make him go do things single people would do and I believe that's disrespectful towards me. & he wouldn't do what his brothers do but if you're constantly around those type of people then you might just end up like that and that's what i didn't want. I didn't go flirt with anyone, I just didn't make enough time for whenever he wanted to talk. & thank you so much!

  • I liked a girl who JUST moved to North Carolina today. Oh well

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    • awh, are you guys dating? you must feel upset

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    • I'm just saying..

    • I know, I'm just saying too

What Girls Said 3

  • I'm also in a long distance relationship and first, communication is key. Trying to "teach him a lesson" in a LDR will get you no where. The relationship already is fragile because of the lack of getting quality face to face time, so if you aren't communicating about issues, that will just continue to drive the two of you apart. It's hard to transition from seeing each other whenever you want to barely getting to and having to plan it out so he's probably going through a tough time too. Explain to him how you guys need to be in communication at least a few times a day because the bond needs to always be there. Understand that he is not able to revolve his life around you because the both of you have to basically live two separate lives, trust him when you are not talking to him an if you don't trust him there's no real point of being together. About going to see him, I think it'd be a good idea, it may be seeing you again that reminds the two of you of your feelings for each other and if that doesn't, maybe it's time to rethink the relationship.

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    • I agree with you, I shouldn't have done that & trust me I regret it but I thought that was the only way he would understand but i was wrong. I wouldn't tell him or expect him to revolve his life around mine, I just wanted him to give us more time to communicate and not leave me for last every weekend. Yeah, I understand he wants to go out and have fun. We all do. But to the point where he wouldn't make time for us to hardly talk is what got to me. As far as going I decide to go and hope things workout if not how planned then at least to know how things really are. Thank you so much!

  • The guy is a dick!!! Amor de lejos amor de pendejos! You need to be strong and enjoy life! They are more people in the world. You need to distract yourself, go to the mall, make new friends, and go to clubs and flirt girl!!! That help me a lot! Just ignore him! If you act like you don't care that will make him go crazy!! He is just confusing you and he is playing with you! If somebody loves you he will never make you feel this way.

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    • that's what my sister always tells me lol... you're right though, there are plenty of guys out there but it won't be easy to get over him that quick. I'm going to try for things to work out one more time & if they don't then I know he doesn't deserve me and i deserve much better. which i know i do but it's just hard since i still love him. but i won't let that get to me if things don't workout. It would just be a bigger loss for him.. I hope that worked for you works for me too lol

    • Is never easy but is not fair for him having fun God knows what is he doing while you are sad and alone in your house crying thinking about him? Nooo girl!! You need a red lipstick high heels and lets go!! Have fun enjoy life there are so many cute, hot guys waiting for you!! Don't let your happiness depend on a guy NEVER!!

  • Would u think an hour long distance would work out?

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    • yes I honestly think it would.. you guys can probably at least see each other once a month or even more times if you get lucky. But as long as both of you are sure of how you guys feel you should be fine:)

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    • Moving with my dad is not what I consider cause he lives with another person the one he left my mom for plus he's taking care of my sick uncle who had a heart attack, he won't help us cause now he's looking out for him covering his expenses

    • have you though of moving to a place where it's not too expensive? maybe at an apartment or something?

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