Should marriage be this hard this soon?

been married for two years, married within a year of meeting and didn't live with each other until after we had got married. so far i have found the marriage to be such hard work, moreso than i though, should it be this hard this soon or does this mean we're just not meant to be as a couple. I've been feeling like this since i got married, will this feeling ever go?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sustaining a happy marriage requires a reasonable amount of effort and work, but sustaining perhaps issue plagued marriages requires hard and resentful work. Now, don't get me wrong, many marriages have their share of ups and downs, but the ups outweigh the downs in marriages when couples are compatible.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Love has many phases... in the beginning its the courting phase. That's when everything is so exciting and passionate. Eventually ya get used to each other and the passion seems to die down a bit but hopefully you maintain the love you have for each other. As long as you're caring and nice to each other your love should strengthen and grow. Sometimes though, as people get to know each other better they realize maybe they're not with the person they 'thought' could spend the rest of their life with. It doesn't make either one of you a bad person, it just means you grew apart. Im not sure what phase the love you have for your husband is in but I can imagine how hard marriage can be. Making a commitment to be with someone through the good and bad and love them for who they are throughout can seem difficult at times. You're commitment of marriage is to try and that's the best you can do I guess. I've chosen not to marry thus far in my life. can't say I've met THAT person I could see me spending the rest of my life with... forever just seems like a long time to me, lol. Hopefully your husband is your best friend &if u truly love him then its worth working out. Only you know what its really worth to you & should it not work out, just get out before ya end up hating each other cuz that would be awful, as ya both would end up miserable. They say the first 5yrs is hardest &believe its true, having been in a 10yr relationship myself. We're not together 'in love' anymore. Altho he's still my best friend (in a brotherly sort of way). We could've stayed together but I picture a different kind of love (with whom I spend rest of my life) &why I chose to split. People change. Living &growing with someone can be very hard but if you're able to accept your partner & still be happy then you're doing all right. Hang in there &recall all the wonderful qualities that attracted you in first place. Focus on the good, not the bad. Its the best u can do & then only time will tell. Good luck!

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What Guys Said 3

  • Really you should be with someone for at least 2 years and already be living with them before you start thinking about marriage. Honestly, it seems like you kind of just jumped into it. Talk to your partner and try to work through what's so hard together. Communication and teamwork is really the key to a good marriage, and relationships in general.

    You two might just not really be right for each other, but don't assume this until you've tried everything.

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  • What are the problems?

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    • we have very different personalities? money is an issue, i want kids now and he wants to wait a few years! he doesn't like the fact i dont drink!

    • It sounds like you have major communication issues. You can fix money issues. Offer to sit down and make a budget, You should really meet with a financial advisor to help you. If money is an issue, kids are REALLY going to be a problem. That is something you need to put off until your relationship is stable. You want to bring a child into a rocky marriage? Seriously? Kids cause more stress, not less.

      He should be happy you don't drink. You are a built in designated driver. Mention that to him

  • It may, it may not. It's all in how you learn to compromise with your partner. Marriage is all about compromise, understanding and respect. Love is a combination of all three

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What Girls Said 2

  • Why did you marry?

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    • because we love each other and couldn't live with each other cos of his culture until we were married

    • Show All
    • Oh boy, dat reason. <3 traditionalism (not)

    • No different *

  • It totally depends on what about it is hard.
    My marriage (I'm divorced) was painfully hard because I married a mamas boy. We also didn't live together until marriage, and I didn't know he would think he would still be living with mummy.
    That was hard. That unfortunately didn't change.
    What is hard and "normal" are arguments like trying to divide housework and crap like that.

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