Was this the wrong move if I wanted to get my ex back?

So my ex of almost a year broke up with me because she thought the relationship was going nowhere. I tried to get her back by reassuring her that I cared deeply for her and that I did want something long term with her. However, she had already made up her mind and would not take me back. I was very hurt by all this, much more than I ever expected to be. She told me we could remain friends, but I rejected this because I thought it would be too painful. The problem, however, is that we are in somewhat similar social circles.

Anyway, two months of nc passed before I saw her again at a function. It was awkward, brief and cordial between us. I saw her again a week later with mutual friends and we had a friendly chat. Of course, I wanted her back, but I didn't want to be pushy about so I played it cool and friendly. However, there was a dude that hitting on her in front of me and she seemed to be enjoying the attention. I was hurt, but what could I do except be calm? So, instead of getting mad, I kind of decided to get even. I was scene out with mutual friends dating (nothing serious) and socializing with other women. I also thought that if my ex never contacted me, it may well indeed have been hopeless and I should try dating again.

Anyway, when I saw my ex again a month later, I approached her in a friendly manner to ask about her and her family. I was stunned when she responded coldly and rudely towards me. I kept my cool again and took the high road, never responding rudely to her. She apparently was upset that I was scene with women in front of her friends.

Now, I wonder if I had kept low until I was absolutely certain there was no chance with my ex, if I maybe would have had a chance to get back with her. It's been killing me. On the one hand, she said we could be friends, told me she never loved me, then I know that logically I was in the right as far as dating others.

Thoughts, please?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I will never, ever understand WHY guys, when a girl is into them and wants something real, generally are cool and slow about it. Then when she moves on, after a lot of hurt and trying, suddenly they can't forget her. You kinda blew it. How long did she want more? What did you do in that time, when she DID love you, to step up to the plate and seal the deal? Probably not enough, apparently.

    I think that you have NO choice other than to make it 100% CLEAR what you want with her, swallow your pride and dive in - take charge, make up for whatever it is you did to help get things here, if she will give you the chance. You gotta face this head on without fearing rejection - life is short. Live it, enjoy it, and be happy. You will, at least, have an answer that put up with this limbo and not knowing.

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    • Thanks for the response. However, after the breakup, I poured my heart out to her in a long, handwritten letter. I then asked to meet her in person. She said yes, I looked her straight in the eye and asked her if there was anything I could do to change her mind and she said no.

      At what point does a guy give up?

    • If she said no to that already, then I think you should give up and walk away. Maybe then she will come back and if not, you have to let go of her.

    • Yes, thanks... sad, but true.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Just because she was cold towards you, doesn't mean it was directed *at* you. It could have been about something else in her life entirely that made her seem aloof.

    Honestly, I think you shouldn't really push your luck with trying to get back with her. There are plenty of other fish in the sea.

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    • Thanks, but there was no doubt it was directed towards me.

      I know there are other women, and I have dated some of them, but I can't seem to shake this one from my mind.

    • Yeah, I understand - somewhat. It's like that one statement: "Let it go, if it comes back, it was meant to be yours." If she comes back, she will. You just don't want to push too hard - or else you'll destroy any chances with her. You'll scare her off. Continue to be pleasant and courteous towards her, to show you have no "ill will" - sort of speak. Maybe she'll have a change of heart after seeing your attitude towards her. That's not to say she *will* - but maybe.

    • Yes , thanks. I will continue to take the high road.. smile and say hello when I see her, but nothing else.

  • She seems like an insecure woman. She doesn't want you, but doesn't want you with other women. She's ridiculous and it's best if you just move on.

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    • Yes, it seems like there is a dark side to her that I did not know was there.

      The whole thing makes me sad.

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