Everyone's telling me I'm making a huge mistake and just being whiny. Was I wrong for doing this?

I dated this guy for three years and he proposed to me two months ago in which I said absolutely yes. I broke it off six days ago because I found out he cheated on me with a girl at his work who was married. Once a cheater always a cheater. I told him it was over and this was unforgivable. Once everyone found out they all just told me to suck it up and I was overreacting. He keeps telling me he was sorry and he still really loves me. He didn't even change his Facebook status and once he saw mine he immediately called me and kept asking are you sure? Please come back. Or saying he was infatuated with her.
I don't care I'm not going to marry someone I cannot trust and I sure as hell don't want to be cheated on again once we are married. I told everyone this but they were taken aback by my answer all telling me to forgive him. Even the woman who is going through divorce told me she was sorry and to marry him. Should I just forgive him and suck it up?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I can't tell you if it's right what you did or not. But I definitely can tell you that you are chasing something that doesn't exist in this world: Certainty. No matter who you are with and for how long, they'll have their dark secrets - an experience you just made. If you think that you would feel paranoid in a life with him, then I have bad news for you: Statistically there's a 65% chance that you will be cheated on once you're married.

    "Unforgiveable" is a term I dislike. Because we normally use it for things that hurt our pride. Reconsider the whole case under a more realistic view: You will never have certainty that your husband won't cheat on you; it's actually likely to happen.

    You will know what to do, but don't even try to chase anything even close to "certainty"; it doesn't exist.

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What Guys Said 7

  • Having been cheated on I say never again. They'll do it again and you'll be in a relationship wondering about if he'll do it again. Whatever excuse he gives you'll wonder if it happens to him again. So he'll probably get "infatuated" again with someone else. I'm surprised you have people telling you to forgive him. I mean seriously, when you get married I'm assuming the sex will be raw. Do you really want to risk an STD?

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    • They all say "oh he's a good guy!" Or "you guys are destined get back together already" or "just forgive him because you guys are suppose to be togrther" or "your being difficult just fight for him" and so on. If he was a good guy he wouldn't have cheated. The worst part is when people start saying I never really loved him and I overreacted because I wanted to get back together with my ex. (My ex has been popping up a lot recently)

  • I would do the same thing if I was in your position. I agree wholeheartedly with your post.
    Once a cheater always a cheater.

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  • Cheating happens in two scenarios:

    They have a momentary memory lapse that they're committed to someone else.

    They're aware of what they're doing and do it anyway

    Not sure what is worse. You'll always wonder where he's at, etc. you'd be starting a marriage with a terribly weak foundation. Smells like a doomed marriage before it starts, especially since it was with someone he'll always see

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    • Karma did suit them both. He lost me and she lost her husband and he has custody or will get custody of the kids as what I heard.
      I suppose if I did take him back I couldnt live my life because id be so paranoid.

  • Once a traitor, always a traitor. You made the right choice. If he can't be trusted early on, then he has no chance at being faithful later on.

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    • I would not want a weak foundation for marriage because if we did have kids and did divorce way later I'd put then in so much pain.

  • if you took him back you would be paranoid that he will do it again.

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  • Good get rid of his sorry ass, his fault.

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  • I agree. I have to say this though. I cheated once. I was 18. I fessed up the next day. Never did it again. Never would. People can change IF they want to. This is your situation. Use your heart and your judgement

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What Girls Said 4

  • Wtf is wrong with those people? You aren't being whiney they shouldn't be minimising and making his cheating ok

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  • No. Absolutely not. Good thing you found out before you walked the aisle. He sounds like a tool.

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    • His parents are even asking me back. It makes me feel guilty of what I done but it's my happiness vs theirs right?

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    • Lol did you say exactly that?

    • yes, I actually did. I don't wager his family will be calling me again. He's not the center of the universe.

  • If he cheated on you, he can get the fuck out.

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  • Suck it up and WALK AWAY he doesn't deserve you! There are much better men out there that won't take you for granted

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