Should I completely let go or give him space to figure himself out?

We were together for 3 1/2 years until this April when he moved out abruptly after I told him to leave for making advancements towards a girl. Since the day he left we have been seeing each other. Me telling him he needs space. Him telling me at times he does but most of the time he tells me I'm still his girl, he loves me, wants to marry me, make plans with me, 3 days ago he admitted to going out with someone else. 2 days before this he was at my house, crying for me to be committed to him. talked to me for hours begging me; that he doesn't know what is wrong with him or why he is going through this but doesn't want to lose me. he has been saying this almost everyday since he left. I told him he needed time. I think he needs to be free for now. After I found out about the girl, he said he doesn't feel the same way about me. His friend took me aside that night and said, to let him go for now but that this man loves me he is just very lost inside right now. That I am the love of his life and he says it all the time. That everyone including my now ex believes we belong together and I should let him go but in 6 months see where things are... My question, am I being delusional? Does this man just want to move on? I'm not waiting around, I'm just deciding if I should completely let go. everyone that knows us says no. But that doesn't mean it's the right answer..


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Most Helpful Guy

  • usually when people have "space" they just think about each other... and what the other person might be doing. Butyah the dude sounds broken up... even his friends are approaching you like "yo, the dude really likes you... and is really sorry." Normally they would've reacted like "Yo you don't need that bitch."

    it seems like you don't want to be a total bitch, and ok i understand. I think you have let go. I think his crying might be bothering you a bit... but if he wasn't so emotional "bam!" you'd be cool as a cucumber.
    So he made on an advance on another woman... but hey if the dude is that broken up about it, i doubt he is likely to have even gone through with the whole infidelity

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    • His closet friend came to me the day after I found out and had a long conversation with me about him. he said we belong together and everyone knows it. To give him time to get out there and be immature. That he is feeling completely lost in life and is self destructing right now. He wants to get drunk, fuck girls and be stupid. But in 6 months or whatever he will realize what the hell he just gave up and if I love the guy i should hold on. Get my life together, let go but still hold on to the idea this man does love me but right now he can't get his shit together. I don't know. I keep reading how "space" means I don't love you anymore. And he did tell me he doesn't feel the same. Though i saw him later that day, and his friend said when I he saw me he couldn't handle it. I don't know. I need real guy advice here.

    • he is going to sleep with other girls, no doubt. His best friend told me he was but to not give up. that he is just being a fuck up and its only sex. I should think about the whole picture. he has met new "guy" friends that that's all they talk about. he is in his last year of college (hes 25, he's taking his time) and I think he may be feeling like he needs that last hoorah. But at the end wants me there for his life. He has told me and everyone else he doesn't want to lose me. It's his biggest fear but he can't get it together either. He's a mess. I know he is. But hell... I am too. And don't want to be played.

    • this dude is sending you mixed signals. I mean saying he wants you... can't handle being around you.. yet needing to go with other women despite still "wanting you."
      hey he probably does still like you but is simply doing whatever he can to "forget" and make himself feel better about himself. Thats not genuine when you say "i want you," and then he sleeps with melissa. And yea its probably just sex but its obviously not helping him if he can't even glance at you for 2 seconds without sobbing uncontrollably (exaggeration of course).

      i wouldn't actually pay attention anymore. I mean if you want answers tell the messenger friend "wtf is going on." This randomness is just going to bring more confusion.
      But id say its time to go out with your friends and have fun. Just stick with who you trust and don't look back.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I wouldn't want to wait myself.

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What Guys Said 5

  • "I'm not waiting around"...

    You are the one who has turned this guy down for litereally six months straight, and you claim you're not waiting around? What exactly are you waiting for? Him to propose? Him to fuck this other girl?

    Either date him or stop seeing him. He's made it obvious what he wants, and by this post you have made it obvious that you don't know what you want.

    You need to make a decision, 6 months is too long for something like this. Don't torture the poor guy

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    • oh... no, i have wanted to be with him but I knew he was confused and still felt like he wanted to find himself. I have told him, okay lets work this out and a few days later he wouldn't be sure again. that he hated doing this to me but he didn't know what was wrong with him. that he needed time. After doing this over and over, it gets hard on a girl.

    • Oh that is a little different. In that case I suggest you let him go. Sounds like he's either genuinely confused, or playing you while he experiments to see what other girls have to offer.

      You don't want a confused guy, he could leave you out of the blue, and you don't want a player, cause he'll probably end up cheating.

  • It sounds like a volatile relationship - it's not going to get better. You may be his "girl" but your not his one and only, and you never will be. This is a classic situation where you should follow your brain, and eyes, not your heart. End it and find someone who actually deserves you. Trust me, he is out there.

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  • 6 months is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to long

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  • what's the problem with him?

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    • I don't know. that's why I decided to post my question. I have been in other relationships and ended them. But this one is different He moved out and I thought it was over. But he kept coming back and wanted to make future plans with me. Every day he told me how much he loved me and he didn't know what was wrong with him. That he was an idiot. He'd tell his closest friend i was his heart, love of my life and would do anything for me but couldn't get it together. He wanted to date other people. But he wants to spend his life with me. he told me when he graduates he wants to buy me that house and settle down with me. I'm the one for him but 3 days ago he went out on a date and told me he didn't feel the same. His friend came to me that night and said, don't believe him, he's just messed up right now. to get my life together and in a few months this guy will realize what he lost. I don't know if i should hold on to anything or completely let the guy go.

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    • I have made it clear what I want and have told him what I think of his life and the way he's treating me. And unfortunately we have been on a rollar coaster ride. One day he is saying you're the love of my life can't wait to marry you i'm sorry for being a fuck up, the next day he's not sure. the next day back to committed land. Until he made a date with a girl. now its goodbye (granted he had sat me down 3 days prior and poured his heart out to me about how he can't go on without me and I'm his future). So, i said okay until his friend caught up with me that night and said not to believe him, that he is confused and thinks his life is a failure right now and wants to wreck his life. Drink, have fun, etc and will regret this in a few months. To go on with my life, let him know he has lost me so that he hits rock bottom but not to give up... but i dont know. should i just take his word on it and call it a day and not look back.

    • usually when a guy tries to hook up with another girl and says, I don't feel the same way, I believe him. When i was walking away he said he can't make it work right now but in 6 months or when school is over... seriously? I don't know. Is he really confused or just doesn't want to hurt me?

  • Dissappear for a bit. Stand your ground and maintain control of what you will and will not tolerate. He'll eventually come around and get his head out his ass or he may not. Be patient. But don't be a door mat.

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