Ex bf wants to be friends... confused?

I broke up with my ex bf a couple of weeks ago--he was the one who ended it. Attraction between us seemed pretty intense but we had many small fights and misunderstandings. There was also anger and jealousy present but none of us was unfaithful, which was something that made matters slightly better... yet still shaky because of our intense fights.
He told me that he wants me and doesn't want me (if that makes any sense) and that he can't get over the fact that when we had an argument I uttered words like: Ok, a lot of other guys want me (which is true) and you don't deserve my tears. If you see me as plain friend then I can find someone else. (he previously told me that lately he wasn't really seeing me in a romantic way and I responded). When I did or said something he didn't like, he would give me the cold shoulder but still wanted to meet with me. He would come and pick me up, then he would act distant and cold--still when I mentioned other guys or mirrored his actions he would get angry at me. Like WTF? (By the way he is 23 and I'm 26).
Anyway, when breaking up with me he told me that he thinks I'm a good girl deep inside and that he wants to be friends. I was crying and he felt uneasy and a had this weird semi-- disgusted look on his face telling me to stop. Then he told me he wants to stay friends. I accepted partially but I told him that it wouldn't be easy for me to be overly friendly with him... and to not expect too much friendliness, just after the break-up.
We are still friends on Facebook and he lately uploaded pictures with his male friends on the beach or a night out and he seemed like having a great time.
The problem is, when he talks to me and I don't respond he gets offended and tells me : Why aren't you talking to me? Why don't you text me first? if he really wants to be friends then why does he act mad when I try to distance myself from him? WTH is he thinking? I want it all or nothing...


Most Helpful Guy

  • He isn't over you at all. There's no way you will actually have a good friendship like that.

    For that to work out you must be completely over each other, and still be nice to each other, and actually treat each other like you treat your other friends

    You should just tell him that you need distance after the break up, and to leave you alone, and be friends when you both are over each other.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Ok, first thing is first. He left you. You are the one who has to make this choice in the end. No amount of explaining will let us feel what you can just by seeing his picture, or a post on face book. You have to decide if it is going to be a toxic thing to be friends with him. You have to do what is best for you at this point. He made it clear he doesn't want to be as close to you as he was. His loss. Now it's up to you to put your interests first regardless of him, seeing as how he willing remove himself from his spot in you personal space. I know in this kind of situation I personally would back away from the other person so I could deal with me without any unneeded emotional baggage, as my own baggage after a break up is a big enough problem to deal with on it's own. Good luck, and be smart.


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