Is it possible for an ex to have feelings a year and a half later?

Greetings! My ex and I were together for only 3 months, however it was the most serious/meaningful relationship I had ever been in. He was my "first" even though I was 27. So clearly he meant something special to me if I waited that long to let go of my virginity. Anywho, We initially tried to be friends, but it was too hard for me, so we decided not to talk for an undefined period of time. This was also hard, but I needed to see that I could move on in life without him. Fast forward a year and half and we've reconnected. We have hung out a few times and all has been positive. I slipped up the other night, sending a text that crossed the line of friendship. He called me to talk about it, and said how he assumed we were reconnecting on the premise of friendship, but that he wanted to hear my take on things. He said he knew we didn't talk for so long because it was hard for me, and he really cares about me and doesn't want to makes things hard on me now. I admitted that at times while seeing him recently some old feelings would surface here and there, but I did not want that to jeopardize about budding friendship. I said I assumed the feelings will dissapate with time. Of course I am holding back some, as a part of me secretly wishes he feels similarly. When we ended the convo he said he would bring his bike down next time so we could go riding together (he lives 2 hrs away) This all sounds great in theory, but I can't help but feel a little sad that it is so easy for him to just be friends. Guys out there, are there exes that it has been easy for you to be friends with? Did you ever have feelings that you did not express? Even if you were the one who ended things initially? Am I a fool for thinking we could even be friends given my strong emotional feelings I had towards him when we dated? :/ Should I just be honest the next time I see him and ask if he would like to try again, or should that come from him?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't know? Being friends with an ex is a slippery slope. For one, your next boyfriend/girlfriend won't like the idea one bit. It's probably because once you've gone there, it is a lot easier to go back and old feelings to get drummed up. I can say that my ex wife and I divorced amicably, but I have no interest in being her friend. She still calls me to see how I'm doing, but I never call her. I have absolutely zero feelings for her, but I still have no desire to be friends with her either. I'm sure it's possible to just be friends with an ex, but I just think it's the best idea. One might develop feelings the other doesn't have, etc. I just think it's better once you break up to just go your separate ways. That's just me though. I have remained friends with one girl, but I don't see her as an ex. We have had several flings over the years and have had sex on multiple occasions, but she was always my friend and then we hooked up drunk one night and had a fling for a while. It's been easy to stay close to her but that's it in my experience.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Many times couples split and have found that, even After a long while they---Can't live with one another, can't live without one another. This Is Obviously the case with you both right now.
    However, there may be this 'Stipulation' and some same or not so same feeling, that 'Friends with or with no benefits' is the only things At the moment. No crossing 'any boundaries... Hard to do sometimes... especially if only One party is feeling this way.. at least for the time being.
    As much as you are wishing things could go back to the way they used to be, or even, as I see, you wish he Had these 'same similarities,' he just May be feeling them, but soon to Admit them. Think about this. He appears to really want to be with you, see you, do things with you, but is playing it safe right now with the 'friend factor.' And nothing wrong with this. I have always believed the best way to rekindle any old relationship, or even start One is to be friends. Nurture and nurse what you have begun your beguine with, and let Old Mother Nature sow the seeds in which you wish would be reaped...
    Don't push, don't pressure, don't show any signs of a 'mood' that might hinder anything. Go slow with his flow, and in time, see where it is going to take you both. And if it is meant for you both to reunite, then the rekindling just may be better than it ever was before and------ healthier. You both would have not only learned from a few valuable lessons, but will have learned to start with---Friendship.
    Good luck, looking good... xx

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    • ... Too soon to admit them...(Above error). xx

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    • I wrote a response up above. Thank you for your input! I will keep you posted, but I doubt it is going anywhere positive for me at this point :( Cheers.

    • Maybe not, but time will tell... Yes, please keep me posted in any event... Take care... xx

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Unless something unforgivable happened, there are likely to be some feelings.

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  • Wall of text.

    The funny thing about ex's is that it's very to easy to ramp up feelings. It's like a love hole that's already been dug.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I think that signals he's given you, especially about liking another girl, now unless he'd do that to make you jealous (and I don't think that he is) this is a HUGE sign that he does not want more. Your relationship lasted just 3 months you said, that;s not a long time, did you know him before then, too?

    I think honestly your best bet, much as this hurts, is to start dating OTHER MEN. IF he still cares, he won;t want to miss you and have someone else take his place. If he knows and does nothing, you know he doesn't care for you as sees you now as a friend.

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    • thanks ladies! You are both right, and I just need to accept reality. I've been trying to date other men but nothing sticks. It's annoying. I know I will think of him less once someone enters the picture that I like more... it just hasn't happened yet. Sigh...

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    • yeahh, true... I just can't decide if I would rather have him in my life a little as a friend thinking that is better than nothing at all.. BUT as it stands I clearly am not happy, so I need to step back anyways. I plan to talk to him the next time I see him. Ooph.

    • Yep you gotta do what's best for you, since he's not. Really this goes for guys and girls. We often trust a man or woman to take care of us/our emotions, but when they're not, we're left no choice but to then put ourselves first, not them.

  • I'm friends with my ex. We don't talk about our love lives but we are friends

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