Greetings! My ex and I were together for only 3 months, however it was the most serious/meaningful relationship I had ever been in. He was my "first" even though I was 27. So clearly he meant something special to me if I waited that long to let go of my virginity. Anywho, We initially tried to be friends, but it was too hard for me, so we decided not to talk for an undefined period of time. This was also hard, but I needed to see that I could move on in life without him. Fast forward a year and half and we've reconnected. We have hung out a few times and all has been positive. I slipped up the other night, sending a text that crossed the line of friendship. He called me to talk about it, and said how he assumed we were reconnecting on the premise of friendship, but that he wanted to hear my take on things. He said he knew we didn't talk for so long because it was hard for me, and he really cares about me and doesn't want to makes things hard on me now. I admitted that at times while seeing him recently some old feelings would surface here and there, but I did not want that to jeopardize about budding friendship. I said I assumed the feelings will dissapate with time. Of course I am holding back some, as a part of me secretly wishes he feels similarly. When we ended the convo he said he would bring his bike down next time so we could go riding together (he lives 2 hrs away) This all sounds great in theory, but I can't help but feel a little sad that it is so easy for him to just be friends. Guys out there, are there exes that it has been easy for you to be friends with? Did you ever have feelings that you did not express? Even if you were the one who ended things initially? Am I a fool for thinking we could even be friends given my strong emotional feelings I had towards him when we dated? :/ Should I just be honest the next time I see him and ask if he would like to try again, or should that come from him?
Most Helpful Guy
I don't know? Being friends with an ex is a slippery slope. For one, your next boyfriend/girlfriend won't like the idea one bit. It's probably because once you've gone there, it is a lot easier to go back and old feelings to get drummed up. I can say that my ex wife and I divorced amicably, but I have no interest in being her friend. She still calls me to see how I'm doing, but I never call her. I have absolutely zero feelings for her, but I still have no desire to be friends with her either. I'm sure it's possible to just be friends with an ex, but I just think it's the best idea. One might develop feelings the other doesn't have, etc. I just think it's better once you break up to just go your separate ways. That's just me though. I have remained friends with one girl, but I don't see her as an ex. We have had several flings over the years and have had sex on multiple occasions, but she was always my friend and then we hooked up drunk one night and had a fling for a while. It's been easy to stay close to her but that's it in my experience.0
Most Helpful Girl
Many times couples split and have found that, even After a long while they---Can't live with one another, can't live without one another. This Is Obviously the case with you both right now.
However, there may be this 'Stipulation' and some same or not so same feeling, that 'Friends with or with no benefits' is the only things At the moment. No crossing 'any boundaries... Hard to do sometimes... especially if only One party is feeling this way.. at least for the time being.
As much as you are wishing things could go back to the way they used to be, or even, as I see, you wish he Had these 'same similarities,' he just May be feeling them, but soon to Admit them. Think about this. He appears to really want to be with you, see you, do things with you, but is playing it safe right now with the 'friend factor.' And nothing wrong with this. I have always believed the best way to rekindle any old relationship, or even start One is to be friends. Nurture and nurse what you have begun your beguine with, and let Old Mother Nature sow the seeds in which you wish would be reaped...
Don't push, don't pressure, don't show any signs of a 'mood' that might hinder anything. Go slow with his flow, and in time, see where it is going to take you both. And if it is meant for you both to reunite, then the rekindling just may be better than it ever was before and------ healthier. You both would have not only learned from a few valuable lessons, but will have learned to start with---Friendship.
Good luck, looking good... xx0
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