How to stop obsessing over an ex who left you?

Hello everyone.

I'd like to know the best ways to stop obsessing over my ex? He recently left me a week ago, and all I feel is sadness. Every day when I wake up, I think of him. He's 18 and I'm 20, and we were together for 7 months. It was random to say the least. A few days prior was fun and we told each other I love you. Then when Saturday came around and he bailed on me, I flipped (he has a history of cancelling on plans). So out of anger I told him not to talk to me for a few days, and he said fine.

Sunday came and I apologized but he refused to talk to me. I guess that's when he made it his way out ticket. When Tuesday comes along, I ask if he was done ignoring me and this is why another fight happened. Later, he said he wanted a "break from me."

So when I went to his house to get my things and give back his, he started crying. When I asked for a real reason to why we're breaking up, he said, "I'm an 18 year old boy and I need to get my life together and that's more important than a relationship." Mind you, since we were together all he ever wanted to do was smoke pot and hangout with friends (which I never liked). When I said I'd leave him alone, he said no and that he still wants to talk to me. Wanted me to wait for him until he was ready to be in a relationship.

At first I agreed but later decided I couldn't do it and that it hurt too much. So he started saying that I was crazy, and a bother. One of the reasons why he left me. That all I do is nag and bitch. So when I said okay, are we officially done? And he says, "that's not what I want but you seem to want it since all I do is hurt you." Which I responded to, "No, it's what YOU want because you refuse to get back with me." Afterward he just said, "YEAH, GOODBYE." Over it.

Even though he was mean and selfish, I'm still thinking about him. I even have his FB password, and it's a big temptation to get on it. What do I do?


Most Helpful Guy

  • You are grieving over the loss of someone you cared for. Losing someone close, no matter how it occurs, can be painful. You have given some of your personal history to him, but now it's over. You must allow yourself time to grieve, but not too long. Consider this a liberation from a wandering soul who will never find his way in the world and who could have taken you along with him. Your affair with this guy is at an end, so move on.

    You are beginning a new chapter in your life. Keep moving into the future and taking charge of your life as you are now a wiser person. As soon as you meet your next boyfriend you will begin to forget all about what'shisname. Go out with friends of either sex, accept dates, read books. go to movies. Now is the time to express yourself as an individual and learn about things of interest to you which you have not had time for in the past.

    Hopefully, you will have many more boyfriends and learn a bit from all of them so that you will better recognize your life partner when you meet him.

    • Thank you. Right now I just want to grieve and try to heal before I attempt another relationship. The worst thing for me is that I keep checking his FB to see if he's talking to anyone. And he isn't. But I can't help but constantly check it every few hours. How do I stop this? I'm driving myself mad.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Do things to avoid thinking about them?

    • Trust me, I've tried with kickboxing and work. Doesn't seem to help because right after my mind reverts back to him. I have never felt this way before for someone and it does make me feel crazy.

    • You have to constantly occupy your mind. Time will help but not thinking about them and time will make it happen quicker. Do things with other people. Read. Talk to other people over the phone.

    • I feel like I've talked to those I could but eventually I just get annoying. Or so I feel. I just didn't expect that things could get so sour so fast. I know I should be happy it's over because I would never have done it. And because he never really did anything for me. I was the one doing it all (driving back and forth, buying food ect). But still, I was overall happy. And yet it seemed all he focused on was the negative--"you bitch too much, you're a bother, you're crazy/psycho; I need space and time." Overall, I keep blaming myself for this.

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