Still hard to move on, why can't I let it go?

It's been about eight months or so since my ex and I broke up, and I still think about him from time to time, whenever I hear something that reminds me of him I change the station, walk away from the store and I just feel the same pain. I've been doing better than before though, but sometimes I think that this is stopping me from moving on, I've deleted him from all social media and I don't text or call him at all but for some reason he really hurt me and I'm trying to find a way to move on from it. My ex broke up with me saying that he loved me but he wasn't in love with me, and it also didn't hurt that his parents didn't like me very much saying that I was too quiet and wasn't loud enough with them. Point is we tried to make it work out again but it fell through, I miss him at times and hate him as well, any advice on how you guys deal with your own breakups? What can I do to help move on?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It just takes time and there is no cut off point, there's no time line where these feelings will diminish. It's all about just taking one day at a time and it does get easier. Eight months is not a very long time at all, the months often feel like weeks especially as we get older, I find it staggering that we're in July already.

    You just have to keep focusing on the future. Do you have any goals or objectives you want to achieve? Is there places you want to visit? Activities that you want to try out? Do you want to further your career opportunities? These are all things that you can focus on and work towards and I think it will be good for you to try and take your mind off things in the best way you can.

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    • I do have some things that I'm going to work hard and focus on this school year, I'm working in Student Government at my College come August so that will be a great place to focus my energies on. Thank you for your kind words, I will just take it a day at a time like you suggested.

    • That's good to hear. You just have to immerse yourself in you, your interests, your hobbies and guilty pleasures and just take things slowly, each day that passes is a step forward in the moving on process.

      Good luck to you, you'll be alright. :)

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What Guys Said 2

  • Time, time, and even more time. That's going to be the most helpful factor.

    Other little things you can do:

    1. Make more friends in your life (they don't necessarily have to be as boyfriends, avoid "rebounding"). Girlfriends are fine too.

    2. Make your own closure. Analyze the whole relationship and kind of make your "bottom line" summary, or final conclusion, of what the whole thing amounted to and why you ultimately had to move on. Each time you get negative feelings, remind yourself of the closure you made. Remind yourself that you thought it out and your reasons are valid and you made the decision you had to -- that it can be no other way. Something about the feeling of things you can't change helps you to forget about them -- nobody wants to expend energy (emotional, or any kind) on something that simply can't change.

    That's all I can think of for now. I'm sorry to hear you are struggling and hope you feel better soon! Hang in there!

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    • I'll try and apply the advice you've given, I think you're right in that I need to find that closure by realizing that I did have a lot of ups and downs but how else do we learn but from our learning lessons right? Thank you for your reply and whenever I feel that way I'll just remember that it's in the past.

    • You're welcome. Glad to be of help.

  • I'm really sorry that this had to happen to you, and you're unable to move on after a seemingly long time. But some people are just more emotionally attached to their partners, and take more time to get over them in case of a break up. But trust me, it will happen because time heals everything.

    My ex cheated on me 5 years back, and although I'm not thinking of her at all, my bitter experience has prevented me from ever approaching a woman during the past 5 years. I have major trust issues about women, and I don't if I will ever be able to approach women again, without the fear of being emotionally hurt. But I'm still hanging on by a small thread of hope, and believe that I may be able to overcome my apprehensions at some point.

    I wish you the very best in your life, and I'm quite sure that you're a mentally strong person who would get over him sooner than you think!

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    • It takes strength on your part to keep holding on with hope and that's something I will definitely take from your post, I think you're also right, and that the only thing I can really do is wait and let time heal it more, I guess I just thought that I'd be past it now you know? But thank you for your thoughtful advice and I will hold on to hope, because that's one thing we should never lose.

    • I'm glad that my opinion might have helped you at least a bit. 'Hope' has bailed me out from many hopeless situations earlier (for example, I couldn't get a job in spite of being an engineering graduate, and had to work as a pizza delivery guy for a year before I landed a job in IT), and I feel that I'll get bailed out in the relationship aspect too.

What Girls Said 1

  • Honestly I'm feeling your pain right now, I'm 5 months preg and my ex of three years walked out on me and our daughter to be with someone else, breaks ups are things in life most of us face more times than once, even twice. However the only thing I've leave that heals your heart over time is cutting all contact even if you don't want to.
    The longer you hold in, weather it's even just a text to him, your not letting your heart heal. Xx

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