Why does it seem that guys will be so sweet and loving and then break up with you out of the blue?

My friends and I were sharing break up experiences and we all have been in situations where our BF's were being so loving and more affectionate and attentive than ever, and then seemingly out of the blue, broke up with us. I know that it is never really "out of the blue", but why the extreme 180 sometimes? When I am on the fence with someone, usually the other person will sense something is off. Have we done something and you are not being 100% honest? Is it commitment issues?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Usually his behavior right before the 180 is all an act. The love and affection is fake. He will start to lose interest gradually, but make the appearance that everything is ok. To you everything seems normal and fine. For him his interest gradually depletes but he doesn't want to talk about, or hurt your feelings or simply doesn't want to deal with and just ignores it and pretends everything is fine. This fake act will go on for as long as he can tolerate it. Basically the relationship is on borrowed time. Then all it takes is one thing to set him off. Enough is enough and it becomes the straw that breaks the camel's back. For sure he is not being honest with you, but actually the commitment is strong. He is staying with you longer than he wanted. Once he started having a problem or losing interest he should have sat down with you and had a talk about why.

    • My ex was fresh off of a divorce so he wasn't emotionally available. I was his first relationship since his marriage and I think he was still hung up on his ex, so he wasn't 100% into our relationship. He also had just lost his job and was broke, so there were a lot of factors there. I think he enjoyed being with me and cared for me so he continued with it, but in the end realized the timing was bad and he just wasn't in the headspace for anything serious as he hadn't healed yet from his divorce. Two months before he broke up with me he started getting friendlier with his ex also which was a bit of a red flag...

Most Helpful Girl

  • Lots of things. This recently happened to me.. I think it's commitment issue. My guy was in a 6 year long relationship that ended last year
    His ex moved on and is pregnant. so a lot of factors here could have made him run

    • yes my ex was fresh off of a divorce and was still hung up on his ex, that was obvious. There was no room for me. Plus he lost his job and was broke

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What Guys Said 1

  • I can agree with commitment issues if the guy thinks it's all fun/games then arrives at the put up or shut up window, sees the real world, then parachutes otta there

    Otherwise, me sense is the straw that broke the camel's back = he puts up with more & more drama/duties/honey-dos, etc. in order to get his romance/sex/life partner THEN one day that one more straw she puts on his back breaks him down and he thinks - to hell with it, not worth it!

    Then the gutter swimmers - guys that got their sex with their false personas and now... on to the next one...

    • There was no drama and no obligations at all - we were rolling with it, taking it a week at a time. he lived 1 1/2 hours away so that was a strain but he was fresh off of a divorce and I think was still emotionally connected to his ex, plus he was having financial problems. He needs to be a single man, go out and date and not be tied down. He was with the same woman for 14 years. I give him credt for holding on as long as he did with me.

    • Divorce added to facts =
      strong possibility that the ex
      killed your deal out of spite that ANYONE would be giving him comfort
      often the ex will dangle a reconciliation temptation them pull it away when he's miserable again

What Girls Said 2

  • Oh girl. What a great question! Cause it just happened to me also.
    I think that they just do that when they never truly loved us.

    • yes, but a lot of men have no idea what real love is anyway. A lot of times they don't know what they had until its gone. Not always but I see it happen a lot. The reverse is very true as well

    • Yes. I guess you are right. It's just sad that women like us have to get hurt because of cold distant men.

  • Something like that happened to me between my ex and I... I didn't talk to him for like 5 months and then he came back all of a sudden I should've kept on walking but I didn't. He said he loved me and gave me a hug, but I felt like I was being played with in then a couple months later, he just broke up with me out of the blue. I don't know why, but I do remember him using some saying on a letter that gave me that read "its not you its me." Good question though I'm not sure why guys do that, maybe because they don't appreciate who they have, or maybe its commitment issues or just lame excuses. I honestly though don't think he was ready for a serious relationship after all.


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