Is space all that is needed? HELP!?

My husband and I have been together 6 years, been married for three. We are long distance, he is in Australia, Im in the U. S. We are both working towards closing the gap, but we have not seen each other for a year and a half now. I am one of those people that feels its better to leave than be left, and about 5 months ago in a fit of anger I mentioned divorce. He was understandably upset and I admitted that I just wanted a reaction out of him because I was just so tired of being apart, and it wears on you. Fast forward to a month ago and I did the same thing again. I had asked him if he wanted to see me and he told me he thought so. The way he said it was off so I just blew up. You have to understand being 10000 miles away and 16 time zones is really tough, then add in normal drama of everyday life, and being apart and trying to have a marriage is really really hard. He got mad at me, which I completely get and is now refusing to talk to me on the phone. He has been texting me and saying things like he is done, he doesn't want to feel, he will never let me back in again, etc. I told him that I get why he is mad at me and that I made a mistake and that I was sorry. Now he is talking about getting a divorce and says that our marriage is ruined, and cannot be saved. He says things like he is done, and then says things like he doesn't want to hurt me, and maybe if we got a divorce we could start fresh and things would be different. What I am taking from it is that he is angry at me (really angry) and that he is acting from that anger when he tells me stuff like that. I know he loves me, and cares about me deeply, that isn't the question. I just would like to know if someone agrees that he is speaking from anger, not from how he really feels. I do not want to get a divorce, and I've already taken steps to correct my anger issues, what else should/can I do to prove to him that I am not my mistakes? Right now we aren't talking, I felt space was the best thing. PLEASE HELP!


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What Guys Said 1

  • It may not be able to be fixed. Your immaturity may have ruined your marriage. The only option you have now is to be comletley honest about everything. Lay all your cards on the table and what happens, happens.

    • I kind of don't accept that it cannot be fixed. I get what I've done wrong, and he knows it as well, but I am just wondering if space will help or if I should try to talk it out with him, even if it is through texts (he won't talk to me on the phone, he gets angry).

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    • He literally won't talk to me over the phone, and I've already texted literally everything I could to him. I can't do much if he won't talk to me.

    • Let him process, but if he's not interested in communicating, your chances don't look good.

What Girls Said 1

  • Take a step back. Breathe. Take this time to reflect upon your relationship, what you really want and if you see a future.

    • Sometimes guys just need a couple weeks with no contact to really understand what they are feeling, whether it be over reacting or otherwise. Unfortunately, there is never any guarantee on which direction it will take after taking this time to reflect.

    • I definitely see a future, I literally cannot imagine him not being in my life or us being together. I know I messed up, but I just want to know if anyone thinks space will help. TY for your reply!

    • I think your best bet is to allow him time to breathe. If you keep pushing the subject, it may push him away further and I know that's the last thing you want.
      Maybe after leaving it a couple of weeks to settle, rather than texting, send him a heart felt email. Explain your feelings, maybe even apologising again. Be sure not to place blame for anything. Try to keep it as positive as possible. Just put it all out there. Give him a reason to make it want to work, you know.

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