HELP! He told her he loves me but finds me immature and that turns him off? So lost and confused and miserable, Should I break up with him?

My long term boyfriend of 8 years was having an emotional affair with another girl for almost 2 years and I caught him and read through his bbm messages. One of the messages I read he tells her he loves me but he finds me immature and that it annoys him and it keeps getting worse. he said he's tried talkign to me about it but I dont listen or think it's a problem and that I dont want to change (its true we do have this convo but i really dont see how I am immature). He also said it turns him off that I act immature.

Why would he say this about me?

I exported his BBM messages to my computer, then I confronted him about it a few days ago. He couldn't deny it because after I exported his messages I printed them all out to show him so that he couldn't delete them. After I showed him he kept quiet and said "maybe we should take a break". We haven't spken in 3 days and all I've been doing is reading through their messages.

why would he say this about me? i'm trying to figure out if I go back to him or not after this break.

WHAT DO I DO?

I'm so miserable and lost I've been with him since high school. I don't know what to do. He said he loves me but we should takea break. I just dont kow what to do

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you need to speak with him about it if you're considering resuming things after you're time apart. I would ask him why he feels this way (if you haven't already) and try to see things objectively. If you still feel his comments are unjust, explain why you feel differently but try and not make it into an argument, just an expression of why you both feel the way you do. He's entitled to his opinion but it's only his opinion.

    Someone once explained to me that all successful relationships require good, honest communication along with mutual trust. I also think an important part of a relationship is compromise (within reason). I wouldn't compromise my morals but my behaviour, sure, especially if I can see it's upsetting the person I love.

    Sometimes issues like yours can be resolved by talking about the problem and working together to reach some middle ground. Sometimes two people just grow apart and no amount of compromise is sufficient to meet both persons' needs but if you don't talk about it, you'll never know.

    I would definitely stop torturing yourself by going over every message they sent to each other though. A lot of meaning is lost via text anyway so you could be reading more into it than is really there and making yourself feel worse.

    I hope that helps and I hope you manage to get to a place where you can move forward with your life :)

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    • Thanks. but do you honestly believe he loves me? he never gave me an explanation for his behavior jsut that we should take a break for a couple of weeks and then talk about it. I need to decide if i want to make this work or not

    • Without being closer to your situation it's difficult to say if I think he loves you and does him explaining why he acted like that make how he treated you any better? I don't think it does.

      I think the more important things for you to consider are (1) Do you love him and are you prepared to forgive/forget the way he's acted and (2) Are you prepared work on the issues he has with your alleged immaturity (presuming he still wants to be in the relationship)?

      If the answer to any of the above is no then I think you've mind is already made up.

    • thanks I do really love him we have been together for a very long time.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Many times after 'So long,' One or Both couples feel that it's time-----For a break in their relationship. It comes to the point where there are 'Certain things' in That Relationship that bug and bother them, but rather than talk Them Out and try and find a Solution, I find it rude and crude And Very Unfair------To be having an emotional Affair with another girl for almost two years. If he didn't care for some of your Actions and antics, then why Still Stay on top, after having a serious convo with you, if he Saw he wasn't getting what he wanted from you (Change), while still having his sweet cheat cake and eat it too? It's a slap in your face, sweetie, and while you're apart, it's time to do some serious soul searching of your own now.
    He may say he 'Loves me,' but to me, it's not the kind of love that he feels for you that would keep him from fraternizing with another for nearly 2 years, while Staying in a relationship with you at the same time. And just because you both would return to one another tomorrow, doesn't mean Things wouldn't be the same way, that he wouldn't Still be with her, and He wouldn't Still be feeling-----He loves me but he finds me immature and it annoys him but it keeps getting worse.
    Unless he is willing to come back and you both sit down and do some careful convo and compromise, to keep this long term love that you've invested a lot of time and energy into for so long, then I don't see any hope Nor Point-----And a Break up would Then be inevitable.
    Good luck. xx

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    • Thanks we're on a break again and I'm doing some serious thinking about ending it and trying to get on my own two feet by myself.

    • Yes, do some serious soul searching...

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What Guys Said 2

  • Why are you with a guy who's cheating on you? No self-respect? He has no respect for you or your feelings if he's behaving like this, and obviously isn't vested in a relationship with you - so he's just using you.

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    • what do you mean he's using me, for what? we've been together for 8 years. we are on a break right now.

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    • I mean I might be wrong, but sometimes people do that... if he spends two years talking ill of you to other women, why is he with you then?

    • I don't know that's what I'm trying to figure out. Some people are saying what you are saying others are saying "if he didn't want to be with you he wouldn't be. if he's with you he must still love you" so I'm SO CONFUSED

  • DUMP THAT BASTARD!!! ... seriously... find a guys that likes immature girls :3 ... he was already in an affair with another girl! ... he's not worth keeping

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