Not sure if my 2 Relationship is over... Male perspective wanted?

My boyfriend of 2 years told me 4 days ago that he needed his space to find himself because he is being pulled in many directions and has no time for him. He said that we fight and I don't like his friends, when actually it is only one friend... an ex-gf. Background info includes that we are in a long distance relationship and see each other on the weekends. We Skype and text through the week. At 49 years of age he still lives at home with his mom. He wants to continue to be friends with an ex-gf who lives across the street and I can't stand her. She was interfering and involving herself with our relationship by texting him way too much when he would come to visit me. Therefore not respecting the boundaries of our relationship. He works 4 days a week but very long hours and has one day off to do the chores requested by his mother and have time for himself. I live 1.5 hours away and he comes to my house on the weekends and is therefore away from his other friends in order to be with me. His mother will not allow him and I to sleep together in his room because we are not married, so that is why he comes to see me. He said he doesn't feel obligated to see me, but that he wants too. Ok, so he sprung this on me out of the blue after he went on a long motorcycle ride on his day off. He got to thinking while on the ride and felt overwhelmed. We agreed to take a 3.5 week break and both work on ourselves and think things over. Honestly, my thoughts are that we might be done, but there are a few things that have me confused. I have been doing renovations on my house and he paid to have plumbing upgrades done and texted me asking how everything went and if they the upgrades worked. I sent him photos of the work and then after he saw them, it reminded him of more work that he had wanted to do for me... some electrical work. Why would he want to do that. I don't understand why. If you're thinking of breaking up then why spend time with them after. I'm confused.
I have spoken with him and he doesn't want to just lose what we have without trying. We have decided to maintain break for 2 more weeks, but he will be coming down next weekend to help with my renovations.
He texted me yesterday out of the blue and asked how my day was going. He's coming to my house tomorrow to help with a plumbing issue. It will be 11 days since our break started, should I talk to him about it yet or wait? If yes what do I say?


Most Helpful Guy

  • He needs to get his personal life straightened out, it seems. He has women pulling him in multiple directions and he is hopefully getting the others in control and trying not to adversely affect you.
    Just do your thing and make it clear what you want and need. Don't throw it away, but don't wait forever.

    • I am doing that now. The first week was tough... bit of a roller coaster actually, but we have made contact with each other 3 times since then. We are taking it slow and he will be coming to my house this weekend to help with renovating my house. It seems that he still wants to be there for me, so I will let him and we will go slow and talk things over, but I won't ram it down his throat. Been a real eye opener for me.

    • Show All
    • It has been an agonizing 3 weeks for me, but we have been and are continuing to make strides towards a reconciliation. There has been much self-reflection for myself and him as well but we want to try to work out our issues. I just need to be patient, trust in one another and not rush the process too much. Things are looking very positive though... thanks for your advice.

    • Anytime! Glad to hear things are progressing in the right direction and you are happy!

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What Guys Said 3

  • It's over for now, that's for sure. He'd like to maintain friendly ties to you (if that's possible), but he is finished with being a couple for now.

    He may be a great guy, but there are just way too many difficulties in this relationship for the two of you to have a real chance at success at this time.

    • Once the renovations on my house are done I wanted to put it on the market and move closer to him or buy a house with him. If we can get past this turmoil and work together for a common goal, we could make it work.

    • Well, that would be a major change in each of your lives. A new set of circumstances could yield new (and better) results.

  • His ex lives across the street from him so he probably sees her daily. He only gets to see you on weekends, so why would he allow the ex to monopolize any of that time with her texting? The fact that he allows it means he is fine with her taking away from time with you.

    He has one ex, one current GF, and a mother. What are all the directions he claims to be getting pulled in? It sounds like he is pulling away from you.

    In earlier posts you said a 3-some was begun between you, him, and the ex? Why would you get into that, even drunk? And you stated that buying the extra food for his visits was too expensive for you. His gas for the trips is expensive, too. Sounds like a lot going on and you two may not be good for each other.

    You are a good looking woman and well spoken. You should have little trouble finding someone who appreciates you and will not be flloing around with an ex.

    • I know that he doesn't see the old ex gf daily because he leaves for work at 5:30 a. m. and he gets home around 8:00 p. m., has supper and then skypes with me. What I am trying to get him to understand is that continued communicating with her jeopardizes our relationship. Yes they dated about 5 years ago and have been friends since that time, but she should not be messaging him all the time.

    • She should not be messaging him all the time, but more importantly, when she does while he is with you, he should ignore them. She does not owe you anything, but he does. So blame him for not ignoring her.

    • He usually does ignore texts from others when he is with me. But I got really angry last weekend while we were out shopping together she texted him three times in a row asking where he was because she wanted some potatoes. I got very upset and I misdirected my anger to him because I felt she should have gone to the store like anyone else would have and not rely on him. I've seen her treat him like her personal man servant when we first started dating and asked him why he let her do that... he deserved better. She didn't see my car parked on the street and didn't know I was there that weekend. I don't know if it was you or someone else who told me to ignore her and to not let her get to me, and I am trying. He is with me because he wants to be with me otherwise he'd be with her.

  • Maybe he likes to stay friends with every one


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