Advices for someone going through break up, move on or give space and wait?

So, the one i truly loved, dumped me after more than a year together, saying she needs a break, and she will DECIDE LATER, if she wants this relationship.

It has been a year, LDR due to a one year army service, and I struggled through depression, I lost feelings for her during that long time, but never showed that I did, until she did help me through it, in distance.

She moved to a country that she could be closer to mine, were she could work, and make money, to visit me, while I can't leave mine for a year nor work, and I did appreciate what she was doing, but everything changed the last minute, right before she could come and visit.

Her reasons were that she can't be in a relationship were she's not happy, having doubts, too scared from seriousness, and she knew I took her for granted.
and other uncertain reasons, of course she wouldn't tell me all the reasons, these are just excuses, and I know she didn't cheat on me, but maybe she fancies someone or she lost attraction to me, or she felt better about herself when she started working and depending oh herself, which is good but not a reason.

Maybe I was acting needy, overly attached, while fighting depression and missing her a lot, which made her interpret things the wrong way, that she felt that I was controlling her.. and I knew she started to back away and loose feelings, since we had a big argument (2 months before break up)
cause i was miserable during depression, unsupportive, controlling, over worrying, always complaining, telling her to come visit every while. Yea it was wrong.

Then the way she talked changed, never asks for skype, she complained she hates the way she felt towards me, it was like ups and downs, and i felt she was sometimes testing me, and my neediness. She changed, I know she did loose attraction.
And there is more details that happened

I haven't bad mouthed, yes i did a mistake talking to her parents and her twice after breakup as an apology.
what to do now?
  • Wait till she talks about the relationship within a month or else move on
    Vote A
  • Move on/Ignore her/untag pictures and tell her that we should move on if she texts
    Vote B
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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11

Most Helpful Girl

  • You can't sit around and hope things will change. She left you and that's the end of the story. That's the basis of any break up. Someone left you and they no longer want you. As much as it hurt, we'll all been there and had to go through it. The good news is, you will survive and get over her but that will only happen when you realize it's finally over, decide that you want to move on and commit to moving on. There's no way around it. You've done enough and this line "She changed," tells me that you know deep down that it's no longer working for her. Which means it should no longer work for you either because you can't be in a broken relationship where only 1 person is willing to make it work. I voted B. This entire situation is too up and down for it to be a relationship worthwhile in the long run. The cracks have started to show already. You need to move on.

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    • You're absolutely right, she gave up on me, and it does hurt so much, specially just about getting words from rumors, that she's hooking up with someone else, and it feels like a stab in the heart.. and as much as it hurts, it pushed me to decide to move on, cause I don't deserve this from her.. I just don't want getting texts from her.. cause I might someday.

      I just want to be happy with myself, and one day ill find the answers that will make me be.

      Thank you for your honest advice ! x

    • No problem :) Glad that I could help. I'm sorry for everything. Your emotions are like my emotions being read back as I recently also have been hurt by a guy who I know didn't deserve me or my love either deep down... we could do a lot better. I'm sure. I like you saying "I just want to be happy with myself"... if you can keep this in mind and try to remain positive you'll walk out of this stronger and a positive attitude comes back to you... good things are bound to happen. Just hold up and remain strong. In time it will also get better and the hurt will get more and more tolerable. But just try to initiate some serious no contact because the bad news is you won't move on if you keep her in your life.

    • Yeah, its really important to control our emotions, but unfortunately we learn it when we go through tough times.
      Am trying my best to be positive, but its ups and deep downs all of a sudden.. by that it makes me feel overwhelmed, by trying to work on myself and move on, both at the same time.
      and am trying to ignore and let go her, I just hate opening fb, seeing her, and I don't want to unfriend her, since I think its a bit childish, but I untagged myself from photos while hating to see that, and soon ill move to a different apartment and start into a different environment.

      It is not that easy to stay positive, for many reasons that is going on now, and at the same time I don't want to put my hopes too high ! Thats why I said "I just want to be happy with myself" love myself, always satisfied and accepting everything the bad and the good, that is my target now, but don't know from where to start.

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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 1

  • I think you need to work on yourself. get yourself in a proper place to be in a healthy relationship. That means essentially give her space but also set in motion to move on with your life. typically breaks don't result in reconciliation so I'd say the odds that she comes back aren't on your side. that said if you truly love her to you don't need to ignore her or delete and un-tag pictures and what not... it's just not necessary or really productive at this point

    it sounds to me like the stress of the relationship has worn on her. I think the best you can do is show her that you aren't in that same place you were with the depression, neediness, etc. Perhaps that will help her see that things are repairable, or perhaps she is truly just moved on

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    • Yes I agree, I need to work on myself... find inner peace and happiness, but the hardest part is moving on, while struggling in this situation and still in pain and love.. but I know that I deserve a lot better than this after the things I've sacrificed for her and standing by her side.

      And I think it is necessary to do that now, I've heard she's with someone else, and it feels like betrayal.

      I don't have to show, I just want to be happy with myself that's all, am just seeking answers in life now..

      Thank you !

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