Question. I want a woman's viewpoint about the male sexual need. but?

I'd like if at all possible for this to be a fairly serious thread.
Background: Years ago at 24 i went through the one truly devastating breakup of my life. The girl ditched me for another guy, at which time i found out she had been sleeping with him for quite some time. Up until now, too bad, so sad. Happens all the time; life goes on. But...
In the aftermath, while going on that whole emotional roller coaster that is separation, i found myself becoming slowly and shockingly aroused by the thought of her with this faceless HIM. I had intense flashes of 'is she doing this, is she doing that' along with outright voluntary fantasies.
It's taken me many years to absorb all of this next aspect, but after a breakup a guy is not always ready to go out and date, meaning of course he is not sexually active with a partner. So on top of my mental imagery, i was beset with what i can only call 'sexual deprivation'. Intensity off the scale with that one.
Now this part is pure retro-thinking, but i find myself wishing i had gone to her with my thoughts and had her describe at least some of what she had done. (I might add that, probably to get at me, when we were breaking up she would make comments like, "he makes different sounds than you when he comes," or "his brother kids us about all the noise we make"; hence i don't think she would have been totally resistant to me outright asking). To add fuel to the fire, i also toss into this fantasy the thought of her telling this while wearing very short shorts or some such.
I guess the real core is that it would have been a case of her knowing how needy i was and playing on it all the ways she could.
No time to go into all the subtexts this has led to over the years, but if you're interested and especially if you have gone through this, know someone who has, or even been the female in my former gf's place, please feel free to post.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I was in a situation almost like this exept i would be thinking "how is she doing this better than me". I would fantasize for days on end about figuring out what she did better and how i could do the same... I had these weird fantasies about meeting her and becoming friends with her to find out intimate details about their relationship.. Then i would fantasize about doing the same things to him that he gets from her. For me it was all about the rejection that i felt and how I could make that feeling go away if i could just get him back in my life. I hope your situation isn't more like mine because it only led to more and more feelings of rejection every time i thought about it. I would advise you to stop thinking about this person and just move on with your life.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • lol apparently i didn't convey that this was a situation that occurred three decades ago and led down a long chain of explorations in the years between then and now. That being said, some of your experiences do parallel my own, but not exactly. Evidently your focus was on failing him in bed somehow and correcting in order to get him back or better please the next guy. Remember, i had already been ditched, but not because i could not perform sexually. I was simply an ordinary slacker and she wanted more direction in her life. I maybe could have added that to the post. No, it was a given that i had been bested by this other guy, who was 5 years older by the way, and my focus gradually became on how he had won the 'reward' for his more mature approach and exactly what that reward was. It can get so complicated explaing this, but that's half the fun.

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    • I basically just wanted to not think about this person and this situation anymore because i didn't want to let this define my personality. It was starting to affect my personal life because it took over my every thought. I needed to move on.

    • Fairly common response to being jilted. Judging by your age group i have to assume this must have occurred within not more than the past three years. Overall you were wrestling with the temptation to let rejection by another serve as judgment on you, and naturally you saw the error of that thinking and moved on. But as you progress down the road to where i am... terminal oldness... experience will probably mitigate this urge. Still, a lot of married women and other older females in cheating relationships do let it damage their self-assessment. I guess about the only real answer is never place too high a stake on success with any individual at any stage of romance.

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