Background: Years ago at 24 i went through the one truly devastating breakup of my life. The girl ditched me for another guy, at which time i found out she had been sleeping with him for quite some time. Up until now, too bad, so sad. Happens all the time; life goes on. But...
In the aftermath, while going on that whole emotional roller coaster that is separation, i found myself becoming slowly and shockingly aroused by the thought of her with this faceless HIM. I had intense flashes of 'is she doing this, is she doing that' along with outright voluntary fantasies.
It's taken me many years to absorb all of this next aspect, but after a breakup a guy is not always ready to go out and date, meaning of course he is not sexually active with a partner. So on top of my mental imagery, i was beset with what i can only call 'sexual deprivation'. Intensity off the scale with that one.
Now this part is pure retro-thinking, but i find myself wishing i had gone to her with my thoughts and had her describe at least some of what she had done. (I might add that, probably to get at me, when we were breaking up she would make comments like, "he makes different sounds than you when he comes," or "his brother kids us about all the noise we make"; hence i don't think she would have been totally resistant to me outright asking). To add fuel to the fire, i also toss into this fantasy the thought of her telling this while wearing very short shorts or some such.
I guess the real core is that it would have been a case of her knowing how needy i was and playing on it all the ways she could.
No time to go into all the subtexts this has led to over the years, but if you're interested and especially if you have gone through this, know someone who has, or even been the female in my former gf's place, please feel free to post.
Most Helpful Girl
I was in a situation almost like this exept i would be thinking "how is she doing this better than me". I would fantasize for days on end about figuring out what she did better and how i could do the same... I had these weird fantasies about meeting her and becoming friends with her to find out intimate details about their relationship.. Then i would fantasize about doing the same things to him that he gets from her. For me it was all about the rejection that i felt and how I could make that feeling go away if i could just get him back in my life. I hope your situation isn't more like mine because it only led to more and more feelings of rejection every time i thought about it. I would advise you to stop thinking about this person and just move on with your life.
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