Should I divorce my husband after 8 months of marriage?

We're high school sweethearts and my parents shelled out $120k for the wedding. I know it'll break my mom and dad's heart if we break up

but i don't love him. at the same time, i don't hate him either. on my part, some of my reasons for not being satisfied are quite shallow, such as i'm not physically as attracted to him anymore (he gained weight, and he's balding). i could overlook his appearance if i loved him, but i don't. he doens't put in time and effort into our relationship.. his career and friends are more important to him. we don't have any kids yet.

Updates:
I'm 23, he's 24

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You could never maintain the same level of physical attraction that you had when you met. It's inevitable for all relationships. Eventually, you wouldn't find him physically attractive, either sooner or later. That being said, I don't knock physical attraction. It's big. There's nothing you could do about the balding part, but could you encourage him to lose weight?

    Divorce is a serious matter and it's not to be entered into lightly. After eight months of a marriage, I'd tend to think the decision might be premature. Did you love him when you said "I do?"

    To all those on GAG who might be reading this, this question is exhibit A about the pitfalls of marrying too soon in one's life.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'll never tell anyone to break up with or divorce someone, because relationships take hard
    work. So, I advise you to think long and hard about this. Because, you're about break a poor
    guys heart, over something as trival as him gaining weight and balding. Being as that you've
    known him since high school, chances are these things (especially the balding) aren't something
    that just popped up after the wedding. Again, being as that you've known him since high school
    I imagine that him investing time in his career, isn't a big shocker either. Unless you two spent you're
    entire high school relationship, after high school relationship and engagement, not knowing
    anything about each other. Chances are non of this is stuff that magically just popped up, people
    don't change THAT fast in a marriage, certain not after 8 months.

    Also, being as that you've only been married 8 months. Were you attracted to him, when you married
    him? Did you love him, when you married? If you were and you did, then chances are that didn't magically just disappear in such a short amount of time. Being married is a scarey thing and maybe
    you had a different image of what marriage would be like. But, it's not living up to that image in your head. So, you're now thinking "what did I do?". It's a fairly new marriage and fear comes with the territory. If it is fear, then you need to figure out what your a afraid of and talk it out with your husband.

    Now, if you weren't attracted to or love him, before you got married. Why did you marry him?
    Seems kinda mean to marry someone you know loves you, but you don't love back. So, why'd you do it?

    Before you make any choices you can't take back, really think about why your doing this. Because, once you say "I want a divorce" you can't take that sentence back. So, think about it before you do
    something you may regret. Good luck.

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What Guys Said 9

  • $120K is absurd.
    It is also absurd that you have become so shallow at such an early time in your marriage.
    It doesn't sound like you thought this through, and someone might have pushed this on you.
    I have a feeling that this isn't going to work out for you.

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  • this shit called divorce is my biggest fear in marriage, but when i finally settle down, it will be for better and for worse till death do us part

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  • if he's not putting enough effort into the relationship then its worth telling him he needs to spend more time with you. you should also plan things to do that you recon could bond you two together.

    i think you got attraction and love mixed up, your not attracted to him anymore, but you dont love him because he doesn't contribute anything to the relationship. -- its very easy to love somebody but not find them physically attractive anymore, which is why when people get over 50 they can still be happily married because their love overlooks their physical attractiveness.

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    • I have a theory that the more physically attracted couples were from the start, the longer they'll stay together. This is generally true about the lasting marriages I've known. I know that's not scientific; it's anecdotal. Nevertheless, it's true of many of my friend's marriages, my parents marriage, and my own. I was physically attracted to my wife all 14 years. Not as much as I was initially, but I still was physically attracted to her and we had a good marriage right up until her passing. My parents were married 51 years and were VERY physically attracted to one another initially. I tend to believe attraction has a staying power all its own, even if it inevitably fades.

    • Show All
    • I am headed to my mid 40s and trust me I look very good for my age. So not everyone falls apart as they get older (;

    • thats good to hear seraphena, keep up with what you doing to keep yourself in such good shape :D

  • If men started divorcing their overweight wives, there'd be very few married women left. The average woman is overweight, and about 6 lbs away from being obese.
    This could be serious and permanent. It's not like he could do some exercise to get in shape and change things.

    You've fallen out of attraction, and I doubt that his weight and hair have much to do with it. It normally takes 1 - 3 years, and you will fall out of attraction with the next man you have a relationship with. Prepare yourself for a life of serial monogamy.

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  • So do you not have family to discuss this apone with 120k wedding holy fuck that a costly wedding and all that to end

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  • Why are you asking a bunch of strangers?

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    • She doesn't want her friends and family to judge her... and she's looking for the "answer she WANTS to hear"

    • Yeah I think we know where this is going...

  • Have you told your parents how you feel. You might want to talk to someone you care about before you do it

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    • Just tell them that you're no longer in love with him and that you're thinking of breaking off the marriage. They should support you because you're their daughter BUT they may also suggest marriage counseling, which I also suggest

  • Divorce before you get pregnant.

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  • A marriage is a life long commitment. Marriage is a special friendship. FRIENDSHIP.
    Love comes and goes.
    Lust comes and goes.
    And if you are catholic and married before a priest, then you could never marry again.

    About the shallow part, you are 23, in 2 years your beauty will start to fade and it will do so till you die.
    You can know make the decision to either stay with your HUSBAND WHOM YOU MADE A PROMISE and be as happy as possible, or you can quit your commitment dive into uncertainty and throw away everything away and possible regret it in 8 mounts again.

    Darling, it is called "building a life together" for a reason, it takes work yours and his.

    I suggest you don't talk with strangers about your worries, but tell your husband all of that, be honest how you feel and share your worries.

    Men love to fix problems, if you tell him what bothers you he will try to change something.

    Just talk to him. Please.

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What Girls Said 4

  • If you didn't love him in the first place, why did you marry him? No judgement, just interested?

    Ultimately, we have one life, and selling your happiness for others is the quickest way to waste your time here. If you're not happy, then I say leave.

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  • Go to marriage counseling first I'd say try to show him that he needs to try and if that's don't work kick his ass to the street is all I can say children bind you to people forever so try to avoid that as much as I love my son I could do without his father

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  • if you really feel like your wedding ain't gonna work then its better to end it babe

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  • Yes divorce him he deserves better.

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