Did I just make the biggest mistake of my life? - Just broke up with my girlfriend of 3yrs, and I'm struggling to know what I should do. Help please!?

I'm 33, live in Atlanta, GA, have a great job, nice condo, fun group of friends, a work-hard play hard lifestyle, and my faith is the most important thing in my life. I'm fun-loving, easy going, and always up for an adventure. I met a girl here that's a transplant from the midwest like me, and we've dated on and off (mostly on) for the last 3 years. She's my dream girl - beautiful, intelligent, grounded, Christian, adventurous, and we love and respect each other and have a lot of fun. There is really just one issue, however, that has torn us apart and has caused us to breakup now for the 3rd, and potentially final time.
That issue is the fighting. On our 2nd date 3yrs ago, I literally told her she has a very sharp edge when I noticed she went off on something in a surprising way. That has continued for these 3yrs, and has been a huge source of pain and countless long (all night) fights. The pattern I've seen over the years is that she takes many things too personally, then creates an argument in an attacking/ harsh/ intense way. If I stick up for myself, it ends up being a horrible, exhausting, fight and it got to the point of effecting my work, health, and overall life.
She thinks, however, that she's just stating her opinion on things and I'm overreacting. I think we should have an open relationship where we can share opinions, but the way she does it (timing, sharpness, accusations, etc.) is unhealthy and over the top.
Also, last summer when we broke up and I thought we were done, I hooked up with other girls - it has been hard to deal with and I don't know if she'll ever let it go. I have been as understanding as possible and apologized for all the pain it caused.
So- after 7mos of being back together, more fighting caused me to end it again 3weeks ago. I love her, miss her, and wonder should I move on or try to save us? I want nothing more in life than to have us work, but I'm scared of going down a road that will only lead to more pain and failure.

  • Move on - it's over, you idiot!
    Vote A
  • Go back - You have someone amazing and can work on it!
    Vote B
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  • I'm really sorry that your relationship has come down to this. I'm in a relationship that we fight a lot and we've only been together for a year so I understand what you mean that it kills you emotionally it just drains you and it sucks because you love her so much but you fight with her so much, its ridiculous and 3 years is a lot to give up but at the same time all you are going to do is continue to fight. Unless you decide to go to couples therapy maybe that can help. If you really believe she's the girl that you want to be with then you should probably try to work it out but I know where you're coming from my in saying all night fights and she over reacts and stuff it's really hard fighting with the person that you love the most but you know if you guys would just fix it and find help that I think you can work it out I'm really sorry I know how you feel and I just hope everything goes good for you but don't give up on her I mean if she has actually tried to change then give her a shot but you need to find some help and make sure that she's actually willing to do the effort to stay with you too if not then you're wasting your time good luck.

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    • Thank you so much - that is helpful and kind. It's tough because at points she has owned the problem, and at others she seems to say there's no problem. Overall, I think she wants to work on it, and has suggested couples therapy - I said no at the time thinking that with divorce rates >50%, if we need therapy already, then we're gonna have a tough shot of surviving moving forward. On the flip side, though, I know she wants to make it work so much, and if therapy helped us solve this one problem, we would be so strong together. Thank you again for your post.

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