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That's really dumb that he would break up with you because of that. He doesn't really sound that great but if you want to get back with him tell it was before and how you felt about telling him.0
That's really dumb that he would break up with you because of that. He doesn't really sound that great but if you want to get back with him tell it was before and how you felt about telling him.
Cutting yourself is red flag for emotional problems that I also wouldn't stick around to see the extent of. Go see a therapist and deal with that issue. Until then, you aren't relationship ready.
He may look at it like I do. I ask myself "What is this lunacy?"
30 years ago, if a person was doing self-harm, you'd have them committed and put in a padded cell.
Unless you promised him you'd never cut yourself again (and then did), I don't understand why he wouldn't trust you just because you cut yourself. And if this is what you're doing, then you should seek help. Im not a doctor or psychologist but think people cut themselves because they feel they deserve punishment for whatever reason. Or something has emotionally hurt them and the only way they can 'feel' is to harm themselves with physical injury. You need to ask yourself why you're doing it. Personally, I think its careless that your boyfriend would break up with you for such a reason as you revealing this secret you have to him is clearly a cry for help - and he turns his back on you? What a prick! Don't want him back! Instead want to never cut yourself again! If you have scars now from doing it, they're only going to get worse as you age. Think about how your abusing yourself and how you're going to explain yourself (or be thought of) when people notice such scars on you. Take better care of yourself! People end up having to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to undo damage they've done to themselves... again, you won't even notice how bad the damage is until you're older. As if time itself isn't going to do enough (it WILL, trust me). If you don't stop what your doing now, your scars are going to stick out like a sore thumb when your older (and wiser) and just want to kick yourself (no pun intended) for having cut yourself so many times. You (and your body) is precious! Take better care of it! Most importantly, find out WHY you're doing it!
It's very easy to see this from both sides. Self harming is a physical release of emotional pain. Pain is personal and therefore is something you try to hide from other people, we don't want to be judged by our weaknesses and we don't want to feel vulnerable and ashamed by opening up and telling people how we feel and how we're coping. I suspect this is something you considered past, something you were learning to deal with and something you didn't want to feel judged on anymore, hence why you decided against telling your boyfriend. I can also understand how he would feel upset that you hadn't confided in him because he cares for you and wants to be able to be there to help, perhaps he is hurt that in his eyes, you shut him out. I could also understand him seeing red, self harming might ring alarm bells to a young guy who feels well out of his depth with a girl who may well have deep set issues and insecurities.
But again, this wasn't something that was continuing throughout your relationship and so I feel that, if you decided against telling him, it was your right. It doesn't affect him or how your relationship progresses and you might have even felt comfortable enough to tell him further into the relationship.
He needs to understand that self harming isn't something you broadcast, as with all maladaptive ways of coping, it can be addictive and it is something you keep extremely close to your chest. I think it would be great for you both to sit down and talk about it. Explain to him why you didn't confide in him and explain to him, if you can, why you self harmed and why it's something you keep secret. Perhaps he could even read up a little bit on it himself to understand it himself.
Communication here is what's important, he needs to feel like he can trust you and that you're safe, that there's nothing that caused the self harm which is going to be a problem or that you're in no way keeping major issues secret. Keep those communication lines open :)
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