Getting over it (confession - unusual relationship + awkward break up)?

Hi everyone,
I'm posting partly to vent, and partly to ask what you would do. I don't know what you'll make of this but here goes.

This time a year ago I started dating an escort. I knew what she was doing, we were good friends beforehand and she told me her plans before she started. We met at a music festival a couple of years ago and kept in touch online.
I didn't like what she was doing, because it made me burn with jealousy. She told me it was just for the money to see her through uni until she could get a good job etc, and the punters don't get the same person I do.

Things started okay, but things got turbulent early on. we even discussed moving in together. I took on a job in a new town and moved away from home so that we could get a flat. She later changed her mind and stayed put, so I ended up living there alone.
Little nags would become full blown arguments which she'd never lose. Sometimes when I asked her things about her job she'd throw a fit. Certain parts of her personal life were also off limits, she'd get angry if I even mentioned them. Whenever I visited there would always be some tiny that would set off an argument, little things like me taking a photo she didn't want or putting something in the wrong place.
I know she'd had a problem with cocaine previous, but she said she was over it. I wonder if this affected her moods. She seemed to lose money all the time, I lent her some too - she'll never pay me back.

Ultimately we broke up because she started seeing a client outside of work and I wasn't happy about it. I also suspected her of cheating (outside of work).

I actually broke up with someone else to be with her. Someone who really loved me. I broke her heart - I'm not sure I can ever forgive myself for that.

This was 6 months ago, I thought I'd be over it by now but I'm not. I am no longer attracted to anyone or by anyone. I ragequit my job too. How do I fix this? T. E if you're reading this, sorry but I need to talk to someone


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  • Life sucks man, it ain't easy. You just have to pick yourself back up and move. Take a lesson from this experience, pay attention to it well. All a struggle is, is a door to something better.

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