I'm not sure but lately I been thinking about divorcing my husband. How do I decide?

I've been married for 6 years. Been together for 8. He's a good husband, a great dad, we have 1 kid together and a good listener. But I just haven't found myself attracted to him for quite sometime. And he does so many things that bugs the s*** out of me. I don't hate him not even a little but a part of me feels like someone could love him better. Earlier on in our marriage I try to call it quits because I felt like I wanted to live a little without making him suffer and also because he really wanted kids and I really didn't want kids. I'm happy for the 1 we have but I have a good feeling he's going to want more. I don't, it's a whole another story on why. I at times feel like we have such an opposite view on how we imagine our lives. Sometimes I feel like we clash on so many things. We are looking into marriage counseling but I'm afraid it just won't work. I don't know anymore. I'm not attracted to him and I feel we are forcing our to idea paths to be one

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Initially relationships are built on fun, romance, and physical attraction and physical contact. Later you realize that relationships and especially marriages require hard work. It is not simple. It takes a lot of communication. See your counselor and talk about steps each of you can take. It will require sharing thoughts, making decisions, and compromise. There is lots of good advice out there -- make sure you read up on marriage. Walking away when you have a child is tough.

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    • Yea our son is one reason why I don't want to just walk away. I hate for him to think love is not really and I do want him to realize it really does take a lot of work. But I also don't want him to think that it's ok to be in a relationship because you feel obligated. It's so much to consider. Thank you

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What Guys Said 4

  • Calling quits on a long relationship is kind of sad, it's a failure from both people, even if you're the one who's frustrated. I'd say that he does seem like someone who can be talked to as he's a good listener, I think that if this hasn't been listened to, then communication isn't stellar. Just avoid explaining things with emotions or anger, stick to important issues and discuss solutions - not threats.

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    • Thanks, I just feel his sometimes too sensitive and I'm afraid of hurting him. He doesn't handle stress too well so in a way I feel marriage counseling might be better to get how I feel out.

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    • Yea I'm aware that quitting is a weakness and I'm not that type of person to give up just because. And I'm not much for threatening him. He's a good person. I really just want the best for both of us.

    • So push forward, speak in the open, you've got to see this as a sports team, it's a joint effort.

  • I would at least give the counseling a chance before jumping straight to divorce. I would probably feel like the marriage deserved at least that much but that's just me. If the counseling doesn't work at least you know you did everything you could to save the marriage.

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  • One thing to consider is that for every 100 divorces, there will be 2 suicides and one murder (plus other illegal activities).
    It's not unusual for wives to lose attraction for their husband (50% will have lost it after 4 years). They will do the same in the next relationship, and just keep having a series of monogamous relationships. It's natural and instinctive for women.

    If there are things that you think he could fix and improve, tell him about them. He may also have things he thinks you could fix and improve. Don't become arguementative about it, just look for the facts.

    It probably won't work and it won't work in your next relationship, but it's worth a try.

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  • if you not happy do it.

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What Girls Said 4

  • You need to try the therapy first, and just see what happens. It could be that the two of you aren't compatible or it could be that no one is going to be exciting forever. If you're unsure, then you're not ready to make a decision.

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  • Sounds like you two got married without discussing anything important. If you aren't compatible, then you aren't compatible. in my opinion you should get a divorce, as it sounds that you are agreeing to many things that he wants without believing in any of it. Eventually you're going to grow resentful towards him, and that isn't fair.

    If you two don't have the same future in mind and/or aren't able to compromise in a way that will make you BOTH happy, then you shouldn't be married. You'll just grow resentful of each other and bitter. Life is far to short to spend what little time you have left with someone you don't love out of obligation.

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    • Yea you right. Sometimes I just let him make decision on things I do have an opinion but I feel like its mostly his life and I'm just following. In a way it bugs me and I do ignore it but I know eventually I would start resenting him and I don't want that.

  • Try and talk to him. It's only fair for both of you to be happy !

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  • Go to individual therapy to figure yourself out and why your feelings have changed. Been in your shoes, so if you want to chat message me.

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    • That sounds like a great idea, I do feel I need to figure things out personally. I feel so confuse at times. And since I can't seem to figure it out, I just letting things be and I feel like I'm just floating along

    • And thank you I would like someone to talk to who has some kind of experience in this.

    • No prob:)

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