Does no contact actually work on you guys?

I really want my ex boyfriend to want me back. I want him to regret breaking up with me but I'm not sure if it will work. I've tried talking to him, tried being his friend and it hurts too much.

I just want him to realize that I am not the horrible person he made me out to be in his mind. He seems to be trying to justify breaking up with me. In the last few months of our relationship he made himself completely unhappy and started arguments with me whenever things started to seem better.

I have been wanting a second chance for a month and a half. Even if I don't get a second chance I want him to realize and admit to himself that I was the best girlfriend he ever had and that the new girls he only likes because they like to party and do drugs.

He started partying hard after the breakup and is now doing some serious drugs. He had a plan for his life and is now throwing it all away. He gave me a ton of bullshit excuses when we broke up. The first was that he needed time to think and asked me to wait for him. The second was that he wasn't good enough for me because he feels like the only things he is good at are illegal. The third was that he didn't love me anymore (yet a couple of hours before that he said he still loved me). Fourth was that he wanted to be free and not have to worry about someone else, just himself, he also told me he would never try and open relationship because I would get mad if he flirted with other girls. The last reason he gave me was that I treated him like a slave and like shit. Which I didn't.

I just don't know what I can do to make him stop thinking like that, to miss me and wish he hadn't broken up with me.
Any suggestions?

Does no contact actually work on you guys? I don't want to play mind games with the guy, and I don't necessarily even want a relationship with him anymore after the way he treated me. I just want him to see that I'm not a bad person and he made a mistake, maybe even have him apologize.

Updates:
I know no contact is also used to get over the person. I am trying to move on. I just want some opinions on if it will make him regret his choices... I'm not obsessing over it even though it seems like I am I don't think about it all the time.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • The goal of 'no contact' isn't to trick the ex into taking you back. The goal of 'no contact' is to allow you time to mourn the loss of the relationship and move on. Which is what you need to do

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    • I have been doing that and I have been mourning the loss. I just wan't to know if while I'm healing even more if he will start to miss me. Also is it true a guy usually doesn't miss their ex until a month or a couple of months after the breakup?

    • It all depends on the guy. Usually the dumper is over the relationship way before they break up

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What Guys Said 6

  • no contact means one of two possibilities to me:
    1 she is playing games
    2 she is not interested

    in both cases i lose interest in her.

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    • So you think he will think worse of me if I go through with this? I am also cutting him off because I literally can not be friends with him, when I see or talk to him I feel like I'm going to burst out crying. :/

    • ok i am sorry i didn´t read your entire quetion. i know your pain and i suggest to cut him off completely. not to make him "interested" but to get over him. it´s just way to painfull to keep trying to get an ex back. especially, if they are completely sure about it.

  • You should contact him one more time, thanking him for dumping you because he sounds like a piece of shit typical bad boy that could care less about the girl he's with and would rather destroy his life with drugs and bring you down/get you addicted. And you want to stick around why? You need to get over him and date some decent guys who will treat you right. You deserve it!

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    • I want to stick around because when he was with me he was an amazing guy. He really isn't a bad guy, the problem is that he holds every bit of anger in until he snaps. That's what happened when he broke up with me. He didn't start doing drugs until after he broke up with me, and I was okay with it when I thought it was just pot, but then he started doing more. I don't want the guy that he is becoming because that really isn't him. You are right though, I deserve better than the guy he is now. Even with him doing the drugs though he genuinely cares about every girl he is with, which is why I can't seem to let go yet.. :/ I just want him to realize that I'm not a horrible person and that all the anger he has held onto for the last four years speaking all at once.

  • Sometimes you say you want him back and sometimes you say you don't. So I don't think you'll be happy no matter what happens with him, and the best thing you can do is just move on with your life and don't make his actions determine whether you're satisfied with your life.

    If what you say is accurate, he'd rather party and do drugs than deal with a relationship, so let him do that instead of arguing all the time. If you're having a hard time getting over him, talk to your family or a counselor to help you get a more healthy viewpoint. The one you have now is centered on getting someone else to do what you want, but that he doesn't. Even if you get your way it's not a healthy relationship.

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    • I want him back, but I don't know if I can take all his new friends and lifestyle with him. I'm not a huge fan of drugs. A lot of my friends are out sniffing coke and worse so I personally don't want that in my life.

      It's also not that I'm having a hard time getting over him, it's slow but I realize I am getting over him, last month I was on my knees begging for him to come back and crying every day and this month I only talk to him if he messages me. I just hate that he thinks so little of me. We were together for over three years and I would love to have a real friendship in the future with him and I won't be able to do that if he thinks I'm an awful person.

  • This is moronic.

    No contact makes any man with a brain walk away. Even if he was wild about you, "no contact" tells him straight up that it's time to move on.

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    • What would you suggest I do then? I just don't want him to think I'm the awful person he made me to be in his head. It hurts too much to actually talk or be around him anymore and I want to move on while not alienating him from my life as I would be open to friendship later on when I've moved on.

    • I'd suggest doing no contact because it works FOR you, not ON him.

  • No contact means no contact.. goodbye. Nothing to 'work on' You will never modify a guy's behavior through manipulation, and if you gain even the slightest concession he's going to keep on doing his thing and then ditch you all over again.
    As for wanting him to admit what a wonderful piece of work you are... shitcan the ego. serves no purpose. For some odd reason, when women get ditched they want to have some kind of 'closure', which usually means the last word. He's mostly mollifying you by even allowing discussion about the situation. He wants you out and you keep putting him in the position of cutting your leg off 3 inches at a time so it doesn't hurt too much all at once.

    He needs to maintain his resolve and you need to respect it.

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    • I'm not saying I'm wonderful or perfect, but I was the best girlfriend he has ever had and I know the girls he's been hanging around with now can't even compare. I'm not trying to manipulate him , I just want him to stop thinking of me as an evil bitch when I wasn't one, there is no manipulation in cutting off contact with him, it's purely for me to heal more. I just want to know if he might start to miss me or think different of me.

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    • It isn't a hidden agenda, I just wanted to know. It's affecting my life because other people will not talk to me now. I just want it to stop. I want a friendship with this guy in the future, and he has said he does as well, but can not be friends with someone who is like me. I just hate the fact that he thinks so low of me after everything I did for him. :/

    • Ok do as you see fit.

  • move on ,,, and let time heal the rest

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What Girls Said 1

  • No contact is a good idea. Whether or not he regrets his behaviour, you need too get over him. He doesn't want the relationship and you can't manipulate him into wanting it.

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