Should I end 8 year relationship over no sex?

Okay so we are both in our 20s and have been dating for 8 years. I love my girlfriend more than anything and in that time I have never looked near another girl.

I'm at the point now were I'm completely sexually frustrated. She NEVER instigates sex, I booked us into a top hotel for an all nighter and she feel asleep watching family guy.

I got a bit worried in case she wasn't attracted to me and have been working out hard and now in very good shape and I don't know if she hasn't noticed or hasn't bothered to comment.

We never have fights and I always go out of my way to make sure she is happy. Like I said I love her and we have a great relationship outside the bedroom. I really don't want to end it but I have tried everything to get her interested in the bedroom but generally when I bring it she shrugs it off.

I know she would be devastated if I finished with her, and I know I would have regrets for the rest of my life if I did. This is the only long relationship I've ever been in. Do girls not make efforts for their boyfriends? Dress up in sexy lingerie? Have sex outside the bedroom? I really don't know what to do.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Did you bring it up with her how you feel. Or express your feeling so she knows? Is this her 1st time? If so she can be worried about it. I know some girls may want to wait til marriage. Does she want to do that im sure she loves you and prob doesn't notice that it bothers you.

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    • Yes I'm tired of bringing it up, I feel like a sex pest. To be honest I feel like I shouldn't have to, she should be interested in her boyfriend or should leave me.

    • Maybe she not ready some people dont get ready. Or she wants to wait after marriage. I understand what your sayin and true you dont want to force her or feel pressure about it. You can try to just get romantic make out and see if it leads anywhere?

    • Sure she happy with you I dont think she not happy. ButnI get how you feel you need to be reassure that all.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Sounds like she's becoming complacent in the relationship. Best to confront her about your growing concerns to see how she responds before making any drastic decisions. If you explain yourself fully and without reservations and she blows it off as nothing, then she doesn't care; i. e. it's a dead relationship and you should just end it.

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What Girls Said 10

  • I agree the love is there but not the lust.
    This gal is best suited to be a best friend forever
    but not your wife & lover.
    At least in the beginning, you both can't keep your hands off each other and then many times thereafter through the years, yes even when past 60yo

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  • If you've explicitly told her it's a major issue for you and she won't make an effort then end it. I know sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship but it is definitely important. If she won't recognize it then you don't really have a choice. But first have an in depth conversation with her and make yourself and your thoughts 100% clear

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  • Seems like the "spark" is gone, for her anyways. She's way too comfortable and I don't know if she sees you romantically anymore. Obviously I don't know the details of your relationship, but I would say end it. It doesn't seem like you're happy and you've already spent 8 years on her.

    What you want is TOTALLY normal. Most girls (well I) do actually make efforts to do the things you listed.

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  • Talk to her, tell exactly what you feel and what you want from her, why she doesn't feel the need to have sex with you, you need her to be honest. Go with a therapist that might help, give her sometime to make it up to you. If things don't change after few months then is up to you to end it or keep waiting. 8 years is a long time to end it just like that. Think about it. Good luck.

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  • A relationship doesn't require sex to be successful. If you love her as much as you say you do, you can wait. You've been together for nearly 9 years. I think it's time you proposed, then you can fuck like rabbits all you want.

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  • Isn't love enough to stay together? Sex, even after 8 years, shouldn't matter; eventually it will come.

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    • Love without sex is certainly not enough. If she loved him, she'd be banging him and caring for his needs and happiness.

  • Only you know the answer to that... but you must talk to her about it... and not just a quick bringing it up sort of way... an important meaningful conversation... you must be open with her and tell her exactly what you want... tell her how it makes you feel that your intimacy seems to be decreasing... then if after you tell her everything she still isn't making an effort then maybe reconsider if you want to be in a relationship with her... if my BF let me know that he wasn't happy in the bedroom I'd make every effort to make him happy... we've only been going out for two years... but I do put in a lot of effort... I wear lingerie... or at least nice underwear sets... basically have sex with him whenever he wants... which is a lot... I would have sex with him outside of the bedroom... but we don't have our own place yet... but we have fooled around in some cars if that counts

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  • I'm a demisexual. I have no real sexual attraction until a confident, verbal and emotional connection has been made. I've had several bad breakups because a few partners couldn't handle the fact I was never up for sex, because for me it was still too early and we knew each other so little. I don't regret the break ups. They have needs I can't satisfy, because sex is something I want to enjoy too. If sex is something you want, you really may just have to be blunt about it. Sex or no sex is an important factor in relationships. If in the end she doesn't want any, and that's important to you, it may be time to put yourself back out on the market. No need to be in a relationship that isn't satisfying you.

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  • Have you both communicate about the sexual needs?
    some girls want to wait till marriage, did she tell u so? if she did, then you know you probably have to wait till you both get married. and being together for 8 years perhaps it is time to propose, like what animedreama said and you can do what you want.
    before you act on it, best to talk face to face. it is not worth it to break off just like that, some couples dont have sex till marriage, not everything is about sex but of course sexual compatibility is important.

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  • If she isn't taking your concerns seriously then I would definitely reconsider the relationship. Relationships where one person is ignoring the physical and/or emotional needs of the other will never work out in the long wrong. It seems like you've been going through great lengths to spice things up (working out, nice vacations, etc.) so there really isn't any excuse as to why she isn't returning the interest. If she doesn't start taking your concerns seriously then I would really contemplate ending it.

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What Guys Said 7

  • A toast to you my friend, for being able to hold out for 8 years. I don't know how you did it; but definitely a better man than me. The choice is yours to make, is sex important enough for you to end it? We here on GAG don't know too much about your relationship other than what you've written (which isn't much btw). But I personally wouldn't be able to control myself after one month.

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  • End it now, if you want to have a sex life during your remaining years. It won't get better if you stay with her.

    You're still young and you're only destroying yourself by staying with her. It's not good for your state of mind, it's not good for your health, and it will even cause premature ageing. It's also likely to affect your productivity at work, chances of promotion etc.

    Don't throw your life away. Find another woman, and if the sex ever stops (less than most days of the week), dump her too. Life is too short. Be aware that most of them will cut the sex off after about 4 years, so plan for that.

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    • Another option is to just make her aware that she has ended any previous sexual relationship the two of you had. She might not want to admit that, but the facts are staring her in the face. Sex on the odd occasion is no more a relationship than a few one night stands.
      Then explain to her that all you have left is a friendship.

      Friends don't mind if you start a sexual relationship with someone else.

  • 8 years? something gotta be wrong under the hood with that girl

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  • Hei man, take some time away from each other. I assume you guys spend a lot of time together.

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  • Have you talked to her?

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  • Did you try talking to her about it.

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