Guys, please feel free to chime in!

This guy was never my boyfriend. We have been close for almost two years now. We talk/text everyday. He lives about an hour away from me so I wouldn't get to see him very often but when we would hang out he would accompany me to weddings as my date, we'd go to movies, eat out at restaurants, etc. We told each other everything. The most affection he would give me was a hug at the end of the night. Well, he told me about three months ago that he now has a girlfriend. She lives in another state (about 1.5 hours away). He gets to see her on weekends cause they both work during the week. WELL, I found out tonight that he's been seeing her since the beginning of the year. We had remained strictly friends since he told me that he had the girlfriend, despite me having feelings for the guy. I had just pushed them aside cause I wanted a friendship with him, at least. But obviously he's been lying to me, directly lying to my face about how long they've been together. He told me that his gf no longer wants us to remain friends because she doesn't trust the fact that I have feelings for him. I don't know if I'm just venting or if I'm asking for advice but any and all comments are appreciated, even if they're blunt. I don't know what to do. I thought of him as one of my best friends. I'm devastated!
Also I should add in here that he would send me good morning texts every morning at 5:30 on the dot. I asked him why he texted me so early he said because when I'm at work I can't talk. Which means I wouldn't get to hear from you until after 4:00. ?


Most Helpful Guy

  • "I don't understand why if I'm JUST his friend, why he lied about how long he's been with this girl?" -

    He likely just didn't know how to tell you because he knew it would hurt your feelings and obviously he cares for you. I imagine he kept putting it off until he couldn't anymore or you found out-it was unclear from your post if he told you or you figured it out or what but this doesn't matter.

    " It shouldn't matter, if I'm just your friend." -

    It would if that friend had feelings for you as you do him. Again, he didn't want to hurt you. This was inevitable though. I imagine he is as young as you and he simply didn't know how or when to tell you. He was torn; on the one hand he has his girlfriend, on the other he has his best friend. I don't envy this guy.

    "It's just so heartbreaking to me." - Of course it is. Sounds like you might even love him.

    " Again, if we're just friends, why is it such a big deal?" -

    With the 5:30am texting, he cares about you and it's a habit. Humans are creatures of habit.

    • Well he's always known how I feel about him. But the thing is, right before he told me he had a girlfriend, he said "I'm gonna take you on a real date." I said oh really? I got all excited cause I had been waiting for this day for a long time. Normally when we go out to eat or whatever I'm in my scrubs and he's in work clothes as well. He told me that we were both putting forth effort. So, we did and we went. The next day is when he told me about the girlfriend. But he was flirting with me, rubbing his leg on mine, telling me how beautiful I looked, etc. He's 7 years older than me, if that makes a difference. And yes, I am 1,000% in love with him. He knows this though. I feel betrayed and played in a sense but then I look at our friendship and I just wonder about all of it now. If it's so easy for him to just write me off, I must've not meant that much to him in the first place.

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    • Well, at least he knows has to make a decision now. For better or worse you'll get closure. And if he doesn't pick you, then girl, it just wasn't meant to be. Let me know what happens. I need closure now too.

    • Yeah, I know. Thanks.

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What Guys Said 4

  • I understand how you must feel, but it's his decision. He has to choose between your friendship and his relationship. You have every right to be upset but you shouldn't take it out on him because I'm sure he doesn't want to lose either. Good luck!

  • If he's not going to fight to keep your friendship, then he did you a service indeed of getting rid of himself.

    • It's just so heartbreaking to me. I don't understand why if I'm JUST his friend, why he lied about how long he's been with this girl? It shouldn't matter, if I'm just your friend. Also, I don't know if you saw my "update" to this question... he sends me the good morning text everyday at 5:30. He said he was talking to me early because he can't have his phone on him at work and he'd have to wait until after 4:00 to be able to talk to me. Again, if we're just friends, why is it such a big deal? I don't text any of my other friends at 5:30 in the morning, hell, I don't text them at 8:00. I'm so confused with the signals he gives me. Again, I'm pretty sure I'm just venting. I have so many issues and emotions going on right now.

    • Forget the heart-break, the guy wasn't a friend from the moment he was willing to let his girlfriend do his decisions, this could have been a long time ago. Just forget about him, the guy isn't worth the dirt underneath his shoes.

  • @"I had just pushed them aside cause I wanted a friendship with him, at least."

    Here is the problem. I think this lied about his gf because he liked you and didn't want to lose you, and he probably got the idea from you that you only wanted a friendship with him. It sounds like you thought you only wanted friends, but now that he has a girlfriend you feel like maybe you did want more after all.

    If he got the "I only want friendship" vibe from you, then ultimately he was in the right to go find a 'real' girlfriend. He shouldn't have lied about it, but he probably didn't want to lose you because of his feelings for you.

  • Frankly saying he is using u as a back up participant.


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