Why can't I get over her?

I've been in love before and been hurt. Yea it sucks but I always managed to move on. This last one was 5 years mostly on. I went through some crazy life stuff in my mid 20's, I'm 30 she's a few years younger. We broke up a few times. I had some major stuff that had nothing to do with us and I moved back home a few hours away. She started dating a very young guy. she told me but I was confused at the time and didn't wanna be selfish. After about 9 months she moved to my hometown. I had popped the question but we both decided we weren't ready. We weren't supposed to be here long neither one of us liked it here. We had a few problems like everybody but always worked it out. She wanted to be back home. she missed her family and it wasn't so much of a problem with us. She was also having her own personal issues. I had something happen career wise that literally left me torn so I let her go, couldn't focus knowing she was goin, thought we both needed a minute. She got in a relationship almost immediately. I was blindsided. He was younger, very clingy. Like I was replaced. She was also goin through a lot and it was hard to not be there. He dumped her and we talked about working it out. I even had a couple very pleasant visits to her. "Nothing was the same without me" feelings hadn't changed. Lots of things were said. I was willing to move there. she kept thinking I'd hate it. She went back to him though. Again, it was like she was replacing me, new career (I had tried to support and help with that), new guy. Rebound still or not I dunno. Doesn't matter I think. I dissappeared for a while about 2 months. Recently there were Occasional pleasant short convos. definitely not like it was. It's difficult to not talk to her (I know I know) I've tried to figure out how to show her things of changed because I really have. I was lost for a while, more than I thought. It was so real and deep. never experienced anything like it. don't know how the f$&k to get over it. I really don't


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