Why did he cut me out, when he dumped me?

Long story short, my boyfriend dumped me after 2 1/2 years together, we lived together had a pretty normal relationship, barely argued got on well, he broke up with me saying his feelings had changed. 2 days later he went away for work for 6 weeks. The only contact we have had was to sort out me moving out and financial stuff. The one thing he said that stuck in my mind was 'I wouldn't hate you if you got with someone new tomorrow'. That's pretty over it if you ask me?

I've been in NC for a month now. A few weeks after he left I went out for a girls night out with my friends, and he deleted me off EVERYTHING straight away?

I think I've been pretty calm and cool about him ending it, I know that chasing him won't bring him back so I don't understand why he feels the need to just cut me out like I never even existed? He's burning all the bridges?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Don't read too much into it. Maybe he really cares about you at some level and he is just trying to cut you out so he doesn't lead you along by getting back together with you when he knows he feels different.

    Maybe he just said that because you were moving and he works a lot, he didn't want a long distance thing because he didn't think it would work out.

    Who really knows? A little chasing never hurt anybody, it would have shown that you really cared about him. He may have been on the fence about it for all you know. A little support on your end may have kept him around but your being Non-Chalant about it sealed your fate, now he thinks you weren't very interested.

    • I wasn't non chalant I made it clear that it wasn't/isn't what I want.

      I thought perhaps if I gave him space and just tried to get on with things he might change his mind. I can understand if he got bored and maybe just lost the love, but what I don't understand is why he didn't tell me, since our whole relationship was grounded around honesty and communication.

      He cried when we broke up and he hasn't cried since he was a child. For him then to systematically cut me out just feels weird, and didn't expect him to be so cut and dry about it all. He said when he broke up with me... "I really don't want to feel like this but I do".

      Everything you said makes sense though, he probably is doing it to protect me from chasing him or believing there is anything left... Because I do believe that he's made the wrong choice and he should have told me how he was feeling then maybe we could have done something.

      Sorry for the essay.

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    • Weirdly since I posted this he messaged a mutual friend and asked "she ok" to which mutual friend said "she's just trying her best to get on with things". He then replied "she'll be OK, hopefully she'll meet someone better for her".

      I'm thinking he is just a genuinely decent person and prehaps just being cruel to be kind? Probably a bit naive of me to think he'd still want me in his life and even more naive to think he would come back.

      Just another life lesson I suppose :-( .

    • Naive? That's not how I'm reading it. What he said doesn't really mean anything one way or the other.

      However, all you can really do is take his word for it, right? Yeah, it sucks. Been there. At least it wasn't 4 years like mine.

Most Helpful Girl

  • That's harsh. Some guys don't care.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Unfortunately, he seemingly left the relationship, mentally and emotionally, long before he broke things off with you. Which gives the appearance of him moving on suddenly and unemotionally.

    Nevertheless, he may have cut ties with you to benefit you both, to ease the process of moving on and to transition into a life apart.

  • sounds like he just totally lost and interest, got really bored:P sucks that this shit happens after investing 2 1/2 years but it does happen.


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