Is running away acceptable as an Adult?

Before you finish reading this go read my other posts. I've gone through a lot over the last few years with my ex. Added to that I lost my job and have financial worries. I currently am working, but for a very low rate that truly can't sustain myself nor my child. If not for my father, I'd be up a creek without a paddle. This past weekend my ex and I got into a heated argument and I did something stupid... posting to FB in angry and pain. I didn't divulge any secrets or details but said plenty. We talked later in the evening and she admitted her wrong doing and apologize for the immense pain she's put me through. She said I had every right to be hurt and mad, but that I shouldn't have posted on FB and I agreed. I apologized for that. I cried the entire conversation due to her solidifying what I already knew, that she wasn't coming back. Sunday comes and I get a message that she was in the hospital. She attempted suicide via pills but didn't succeed thankfully. I feel responsible. She's been admitted for observation and evaluation until Friday. She's called me several times since to talk to me and tell me it's my fault. She's always had a depression problem and I've always tried to help her. She added me to the list of authorized people to get information over the phone and said I could visit during the limited hour. I tired yesterday but received a very foul look from her mother so I left before visitation. My ex called last night and I told her why I didn't visit and she said she didn't tell her parents it was ok for me to visit, but that they think she needed space from me. She continues to say she will be down as long as I'm upset ans sad about us. I can't help but be sad, that's unfair. I'm considering moving to another state to start over and leave her alone as much as I can, though we have a child. Is it ok for me to in a sense run away? I'd still see ans get my daughter during agreed upon scheduling.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • My husband's first marriage ended extremely badly. I am not sure of the details since I was not around when it happened. What I can tell you is that the relationship dynamic was bad enough between him and his ex that he did not want his child to be subjected to that kind of hatred between parents. He made the choice to not have contact with his ex. When we married I tried to call her a couple of times so that we could have his daughter for visitation and she would refuse. So over the years he kept paying his child support with the hope that one day will she will want to know us on her own.

    Now this is extreme in my opinion. However reading what you just posted, I would say it is perfectly normal for you to want to do these things. I would even encourage to follow through with it. Her depression is not your fault, her trying to kill herself is not your fault, she has no right to use emotional blackmail on you to make you feel guilty about issues she needs to deal with. Depression is serious and she needs a therapist maybe medication but ultimately she needs to work on this and get better you cannot make her do that.

    Moving to a new state may offer you the ability to find a better paying job. There is no reason why you could not still exercise your visitation rights, although I would look into how much it would cost to modify your visitation to help match the geographical locations. Depending on how far you live seeing your child every other weekend may not be reasonable.

    In order to raise you child you need to be healthy mentally as well. This relationship seems toxic. Ask yourself would you want your child in a relationship like this? If they were what advice would you give them? Make your choices on what is best for your child and what will make you a better parent to help raise that child. Good Luck these situations are never easy

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What Girls Said 1

  • Men before you have done it... you can follow suit. What will make a difference between you and other men is if you have a conscious... seems like you might because you are questioning your potential actions. Seems pretty easy for you, you can get up walk away, get a job and not have to worry about taking care of a child... it would be like your a single guy back in the game with you as your only responsibility. Questions you can think about: Will you send her money? Will you go visit? If yes, How often?

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    • I never said anything about abandoning my child. My child comes first and foremost. I've cared for my child way more than her mother has since birth. I'm not trying to escape parenthood, I love it. I'm trying to escape this vacuum of pain I am in. I can't let go of my ex and I can't continue to be her excuse of why she isn't happy. I need/want to move and start over for my happiest and also to be a better father b/c everything that has happened has bought me down and it effects my mood. I rarely like doing anything and we sit in the house when I should be taking her to the park or swimming. If I moved, my daughter would most definitely be coming to stay with me given the scheduling that is made. I'd never run from her. She's my heart and soul.

    • Ok, maybe your childs mom can get herself together via some kind of program or something. I say this because often people who try to commit suicide try again until successful. While you live with your daughter maybe your dad and friends can help you out while you work and try to care for her. Maybe you can see a therapist yourself so you can talk to a professional who can help you with things you struggle with. The professional may have some good advice for how to cope since professionals have seen it all. Your daughter needs healthy parents so she doesn't end up messed up.

    • I would urge you to go read my other posts if you haven't. Our relationship to totally over and they is no reconciling it. I have tried countless times to reconcile and she just doesn't want it. It's not fair for me to stay in a town where I am unhappy b/c of my ex is it? My ex is no longer my responsibility. She made that choice very clear. So why should I stay around? I'm just very curious as to your thought process. You can message me if you want.

What Guys Said 2

  • I wouldn't call this running away as much as it is really you getting and giving some much needed space to a situation. it sounds to me like (sorry to speak frankly) the relationship is toxic. it sounds to me like for various reasons there is a lot of strife, stress, and conflict. I think space would be good for both of you to get perspective and allow each other to move on with life and get things going in the right direction

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  • Based on all of your questions previously asked, yes it is. First, the back and fourth is not good, you have been doing the work around the house, you have met her needs, why is she behaving like this? At this point it doesn't matter as you have tried and she has been hurting you year after year. I don't know about you, but I would not enjoy a room where it feels like the Arctic for half an hour then the Death Valley the next. You may still love her, but it's time to put an end to the pain and make sure your child doesn't grow up under that kind of influence, you're capable of doing the best for your child, even if your job's salary is too little.

    It's time to move on.

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