Fell for my ex's friend... am I "off limits" or should my ex give his blessing?

So, I've kind of fallen for my ex's friend... at least, his old friend from when we were dating. Let's call him "Al".

The thing is, they aren't good friends anymore. They were roommates when we were dating, then he moved away. Al had a girlfriend at the time, and I was with my ex, so our relationship was completely platonic. He was a really great friend and was always there for me.

My ex and I broke up a year ago... kind of messy, he cheated on me... we are "fine" now but don't hang out or anything. He has a new girlfriend and harbors no feelings for me, and says he just wants me to be happy.

Recently, Al and I have started talking. He now lives in my hometown, so whenever I am visiting home, we get together. We talk probably once every week or two whenever I am not in town.

This past time we hung out, we made out. Afterward, he told me that he really liked me but wasn't comfortable with anything more happening between us unless he knew my ex (his friend) would be okay with it. I know this is kind of a "bro code" thing... he feels like his friend's ex-girlfriend is off limits. But my ex says he wants me to be happy, so I feel like he may be okay with it if he approached it the right way.

So what do I do now? Ever since he moved away, Al and my ex hardly ever talk and haven't seen each other in a long time, but he is a super loyal friend so he doesn't want to piss him off. I understand and respect that... but does that mean there is no possible future between us? Will I always be the girl he isn't allowed to date?

I want to give us a chance!


Most Helpful Guy

  • "Will I always be the girl he isn't allowed to date? -

    Yes. As long as your ex is alive and well, you are totally off limits to this guy. Bro code 101. There aren't really any shades of gray on this one.

    • Even if my ex was the one who cheated and ended it? He is totally happy with his new girlfriend

    • Well here's the thing, whether or not these two friends are close or not, they might be friends for life. They may lose touch here and there, but they might also become tighter bros too. You never know. And I mean really, it's between those two. It's just always something that could end up compromising their friendship. A lot of guys/bros understand this, some are looser with the code. If your ex gives you his blessing-which would still be a mistake-I guess the ball would be in your court. But you have to ask yourself something here; do you really wanna be part of something that could possibly imperil their relationship? At least I would. If he is one in a million and you guys wanna give it a shot fine, but both of you should understand the risks involved.

      --And your exes fidelity or lack thereof is an entirely separate issue from this. As well as him breaking up with you.

Most Helpful Girl

  • You and your ex are already over, so I don't see why he should stop you. Go for it!


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What Guys Said 3

  • He sounds more of gentleman than your ex. It is rare to come by these days. He in really conflicted imo. Just continue doing what you're doing he'll come around.

  • This is messy, don't do it.

  • i would say keep looking


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