Do you think its wrong to hook up with someone else while you're on a break with your bf/gf.. or unsure if you will ever get back together?

say you and your boyfriend/girlfriend broke up because legally you had no other choice. for example, my boyfriend was arrested for hitting me, choking me, and pulling my hair (I didn't call the cops, other people did). I dismissed the charges and even called him afterwards so we could discuss everything that happened and see what we wanted to do. call me crazy and stupid, but I wasn't ready to move on or give up on the relationship. It took over a month for me to hear from him so I hooked up with another guy (we had sex).. it didn't mean anything it was just casual drunk sex after the bar one night.. I feel slutty and dirty for doing it but please understand the emotional state I was in and the hurt and betrayal and confusion I was feeling. I was just trying to move on. finally I heard from my ex boyfriend and we wanted to try to make things work again. he asked me if I had been with anyone sexually and I couldn't lie to him so I told him the truth. he said he has to forget I ever existed and move on with his life completely, despite the fact that he loves me and thought we would get married. we were together for 3 years and before that we were really good friends and always had a "thing" but couldn't do anything about it because I had a boyfriend. was I wrong in hooking up with another guy and trying to move on with my life? did I really do something that is so unforgiveable? if I can forgive him for what he did, he should forgive me. and I was honest with him, I could have lied but chose to do the right thing and be honest. why can't he forgive me? why is everything all my fault? he messed up too, and I forgave him.

really need opinions and advice. please be brutally honest. I feel so much guilt and I know its not right. thank you.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Ongoing relationships, in my view, constitutes effective communication, among other things. Thus, his silence and lack of effort to communicate his intent in regards to the relationship would likely be considered to many as a measure indicative of someone who is moving on.

    You are not wrong for assuming that he moved on. Thus, you are not wrong for seeing someone else.

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    • thank you. so why can't he see that and "forgive" me for sleeping with someone else?

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    • even if he feels like he is never wrong? our history has proven that to be true many, many times. even when he was wrong it was somehow always my fault.

    • If he matures and evolves as a person, meaning there is a shift in his thinking and behavior, then, with time, he likely forgive you. However, if he fails to evolve, then he may never forgive you.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't feel bad for hooking up with someone. You two were not together and you did nothing wrong. You said so yourself that you were upset, confused and in need emotionally. The guy you were with gave you what you needed in that moment.

    Besides, your ex should be more concerned with setting things right with you rather than getting upset. If he truly loves you, he would want to be a better man and try to win you back. Not tell you that what you did was so wrong and now he has to forget about you.

    It sounds to me like he's pretty jealous and not really the best thing for you.

    in my opinion it's best to let him go and move on. There are many great guys out there who will treat you right and not hurt you physically and emotionally.

    Everything is NOT your fault. If anything, it's mainly his fault for how he treated you.

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What Guys Said 4

  • It's ALWAYS a bad thing... unless it was explicitly said that both of u can see other people.

    If this wasn't EXPLICITLY said... then said person cheated.

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    • did you read my full description?

    • nope too many lines without paragraph breaks

    • my boyfriend was arrested for hitting me, I dropped the charges, expected an apology, never got one. tried contacting him and waiting for over a month to hear from him, I gave up on ever hearing from him again so tried to move on and slept with another girl. he found out and has since blocked my number and said he could never be with me again.

  • I dont feel it is wrong. Body has a need and it has to be satisfied eitherway. for a change of taste it is advisable.

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  • It is completely wrong to do anything while you're "on a break." But it sounds likes you need to break up, regardless.

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    • would you consider us as being on a break after he did what he did and even after I had tried contacting him with no answer? was I wrong in thinking that we were completely 100% over and done with since I couldn't get a hold of him for over a month?

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    • Or he'd have to tried hard to stop himself, rather. :p

    • so I wasn't wrong in what I did? then why can't he see the situation for what it really is and forgive me? I never wanted to date this person that I hooked up with, or date anyone else for that matter.. it was always my boyfriend. regardless of what he did. so why can't he forgive me and see that I never meant to hurt him or betray him?

What Girls Said 3

  • tvfiends.com/.../...-2012-09-04-at-10.31.41-PM.png

    No, its not wrong. You didn't hear from him for a MONTH. That's not really normal. Not only that but HE BEAT YOU. You were hurt, emotional, and you just wanted to ease the pain. It's totally fine, you were on a break.

    This is brutal honesty. YOU CAN'T GET BACK TOGETHER WITH HIM. He's violent! You know how you're emotional and hurt and crazy right now? You can't see that you're in an abusive relationship. Physical abuse is never okay. Ever. You need to get out. Seriously. I've seen too many of my friends go through this. Everything you think is so great about this guy, you will find better in another guy. One that doesn't think its okay to beat you up. You need to cut him out of your life. I'm being 100% serious. Just know that you did nothing wrong, and walk away with your head held high. If he tries to get back together with you, take it as a confidence boost.

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    • Dont know if the picture worked but it was a picture of Ross Gellar from Friends yelling WE WERE ON A BREAK

  • you can do whatever u want to do when ur single.

    break = single

    you dont have to tell him shit

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  • A man who truly loves and cares about you wouldn't physically assault you the way he did. I'd consider him leaving the best thing to happen, since (and I'm sorry if this sounds harsh) it seems you don't have the strength to leave something that is so clearly not good for you. Please continue to stay far, far away from him. Can you imagine what it'd be like if you ended up marrying him, and he continued to abuse you? It would be hellish for you, and any kids you had.

    Anyway, about if hooking up was right or wrong, you tried contacting him but didn't hear back from him in a month and had no clue what was in his mind. I would've assumed you were broken up. You don't need to feel guilty at all for hooking up with someone while he was off doing God knows what. He was for all intents your ex at that point.

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