Help me understand something?

So I've found more often than not recently that anyone 'desirable' is seemingly always taken. Whether its out of love or necessity, I'm not so sure anymore.

I only notice this as it seems to contradict what I believe on a, I guess moral level - when two people are in a relationship, don't try and mess it up for them, their happy etc. - problem is, what does one do if you like someone in a/that relationship.

Personally, I'm an a crossroads with a girl I like. She seemingly not willing to just end it with her bf now so we can start up. I say seemingly as I haven't discussed it with her. She hints that he's this & that but isn't again seemingly willing to just end it with him, especially if she's unhappy etc.

So circling back to my general question - why would someone stay unhappy in a relationship until a better 'suitor' comes along/is available?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, first things first, women generally do not complain about their men to guys who they have interest in dating. They usually reserve their complaints about their relationships for their confidants and platonic friends. So, unless she is overtly expressed interest in you, perhaps verbally, I would cool my jets so to speak.

    For the fact is, many people complain about aspects of their relationships, but that does not meant they have intentions of leaving them. And coincidentally, some of these complainers are naturally flirtatious. By no means, fella, am I attempting to discourage you or bring you down, but I am merely giving you a heads up.

    Then again, you may already be aware of that.

    To answer your question, though, I agree with the others. There are various reasons people remain in unhappy relationships. If I had once choice, I would say that they suffer from low self-esteem.

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What Girls Said 3

  • A lot of times people remain in a relationship cause they still love the person. Love isn't easy to walk away from. Once someone has taken that special place in your heart, them hurting you is not going to be enough to always just leave and walk away. Love makes things complex and keeps people together. There might be unhappy things going on and troubles in the relationship but that doesn't change how the person feels about their partner deep down. That's why people even stay in super abusive relationships. It's no different. When it comes to situations where one falls for someone who is taken then my best advice is to not take them seriously unless they physically leave their partner... if they loved you and wanted you so bad, they'd be with you. Not hinting or just flirting the whole time.

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  • relationships are beasts of their own kind. when we get into them we are all giddy and happy and we are both trying our hardest to make the other person like us. after a while we become comfortable which often includes taking each other for granted. a LOT of guys feel that once they have a girlfriend and they committed to her they feel secure that she is there and they have "made their investment" so they don't have to try as hard anymore because they made a commitment together.

    i am at that crossroads now... my boyfriend has a busier life than i do and on one hand i was happy he wanted to be my boyfriend pretty fast and i met his family and close friends.. i know he is serious about me, but i miss the dating phase where he was planning all these dates and had to see me every second... sometimes i feel very unhappy but on the other hand there is a lot i like about him and he is a good guy overall and no relationship is going to be perfect.

    and often the new suitor is not any better. what people do not realize is the grass looks greener on the other side. at one point your partner was new and appealing just like the "new suitor" but every relationship is going to get to that comfort phase where people stop appreciating each other as much. so trading up is dumb-unless you actually are in a BAD relationship but there's bad and then there's complacent comfort, where I think a lot of people stay in that unhappy zone.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Because they don't like being alone, like the idea of a boyfriend, and enjoy regular sex they don't have to "work" for. Plus it's comfortable and a routine.

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