Did I lose her and are we done now?

My gf and I been together for 2 years or so. In the last few months we took a sharp turn. She has been really unhappy and depressed. It comes down to that I haven't had plans for us and the future and had an emotional connection. She cheated on me with some guy... Already we've had a number of talks about how she is feeling and I kept saying that we need to keep trying. She went to her moms for a bit but came back the next day. I felt like for a few weeks we were doing good. She was laying on me, being close, we were talking close... For a while she'd have her head on my chest, sleep naked together, etc. She initiated a make out sesh and we had sex (after months)... She's been helping me get a new job and concerned about my family and friends. In the last few days she took a sharp turn again, she was reserved, texting privately, taking selfies, and not being close in bed.

Today, I got home and she said she can't do it anymore. She's unhappy. I told her I understand and gave her a big hug. Our kitten was acting very weird, and she said he is stressed because of us. She said she is going to her mom's for the weekend (but fell asleep at home here). We live together... We put on a movie and she fell asleep...

Can I do anything?


Most Helpful Girl

  • She is sporadic, unpredictable And Is-----Emotionally unstable, sweetie. She is in this full circle pattern, and you can never tell What she will do Today Nor Tomorrow. She has you on a yo you string, hanging by a shoe string, and unless she gets serious Help for her 'Depression,' which I see she Has, you Both will never have a future.
    You need to tell her to pack her things and Stay at 'Her mom's,' or if she refuses to do this, you pack a bag and move out. It's Not going to change, it's only going to get worse, and No-----There is Nothing you can do unless you speak in private with her mom to get this girl some Much needed Professional help.
    Even your 'Kitten' senses something is wrong... Time to put this to bed and if it comes down to it, let sleeping dogs lie and get on with your own life. She is an anchor that is weighing you And your poor heart down.
    Good luck. xx

    • Couple weeks later, she is staying at her moms. I agree she may need some help, but I also think I need some help as well. I reached out to a counselor for help - maybe help express myself better? Communicate more effectively?

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    • I am not... but it's been tough especially around the holidays.

    • Your min dis an anchor... let God and let go.. Happy New year.:)) xxoo

Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm Going To Give You My Unlicensed Professional Opinion, She Says She isn't Happy & You Probably Aren't Either. It's Best To Back Away From This Relationship & Take Some Time Away. If You Wanna Get Back With Her (iDont Know If You Do) Then Let Her Go, If You Guys Get Back Together In The Future Then Let It Happen On It's On, Dont Try & Force It. Say Your Goodbyes & Start The Healing Process. After A Break-Up People Run High On Emotions So Temporarily Cut Contact, Take Your Mind Off Her With Your Favorite Hobby & Find One If You Dont Have One. Stay Positive & Stay Strong...


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What Girls Said 5

  • Here's a direct answer to your question: no you can't. Here's why. She is unhappy in this relationship. She said so herself. That's why she cheated on you to begin with, and that's why she is being emotionally distant. I wouldn't be surprised if she is cheating in you now, and I think you know that, too, but are in denial. My suggestion would be to break up with her. You will do anything and everything in order to make her happy, but at this point, there is nothing you can do and there is no going back. You wikk eventually becoke emotionally exhausted frok constantly catering toward her and trying to make her coporate. I can tell you love her and are trying to save this relationship because you took her back after she cheated (I would never do that ), but you can't when she is not willing to. She doesn't want it. And therefore, she does not deserve you. This will inevitability end up not working out and destroying you in the process. I suggest you get out if this relationship, if you could even call it that, before you get more emotionally invested in this woman and she becomes more distant. I know it is extremely difficult, but it's for the best for both if you: she feels trapped in and you are hurt. You seem like a great guy that anyone woman could appreciate. Please, find a food woman who is loyal and deserves your efforts and affecrions. It kills me to see food people fight fee nothing and walk away empty handed.

    • So many types. You get what I'm saying though.

    • We live together. She went to her moms and came back a few days ago. She has been texting me, "can I come over?" and that sort of thing. She came home and I was sleeping, she came into bed and was spooning me and kissing me. It really confuses me.

      Like yesterday and today, she's been texting me saying she was listening to a song from a concert we saw and saying have a great day and she's my number one fan... I don't get it at all :(

      should I ignore her or text her back?

  • Your best bet might be to let time take its toll, and heal the situation, or even look into couples therapy. Based on the information you have given, I feel like there is more to it than what she's telling you how she feels. There has to be more to it, since the relationship took that quick of a turn in a matter of just a few months.

    I must commend you for trying so hard to keep your relationship on the same page, and together. I know so many people that would have broken it off the second she said she was done.

    Do you know anything that is happening between her and her friends, family, or even her dad? Unless, she is upset that you didn't have plans for the future, and had an emotional connection. Or in other words you just haven't sorted all that out and openly talked about it with her (or actually just wasn't planning on doing anything in the future, not my business).

    Like I said, I recommend looking into couples therapy, and better yet trying to convince her to show up. She will most likely refuse to attend a session, since it's a natural thing to not want help for something like this.

    I don't think you both are officially done, but if you two don't continue to try and work things out, it will be 'officially' over sooner than you can expect.

    I wish the best for you and your relationship. Good luck. xoxo

    • It's been going on since March/April. She was very very distant and I noticed. I did everything I could, I did a couples weekend to a place where she said makes her happy. Took her to see a band she loves. Every weekend being there for her. When she was sick, I went out to get her breakfast.

      I think work stresses her, and her family puts pressure to have babies and be married.

      It took a big turn fast and hasn't recovered. The last few weeks I felt like we were going on the same page again and improving...

      I get the feeling like we are done. She said she "hasn't told anyone yet" and that I can have anything, but she really wants to keep our kitten. There's been a few times in the last few months she's been like she wants to break up, but I kept holding us together.

      Yes she refused couples therapy, I suggested going to therapy, and she said maybe just us by ourselves first.

      She says this isn't what she wants at all, she wanted us to be together...

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    • How do I fight? I mean she says she can't do it anymore and it makes her unhappy.

    • To fight, to continue to try and make her happy. If you can no longer do that, the best thing you can do is end it here and just treasure all the great memories that happened.

  • She sounds as if she was out a little while back, but she was either afraid to be alone or did still have feelings for you (just not IN love). I'm afraid if you hold on, you will end up hurt worse later than I'm sure you are now. At this point I would really recommend thinking about whether you want to salvage a friendship from it or if that would be too painful. You may find that in the future she may come back around and regardless if you do want the friendship, I would also highly recommend you keep your distance as much as possible in the beginning or you may find yourselves back together at the wrong time.

    • Why do you think I will end up hurt worse?

      We live together, so it has been tough. Should we separate as much as possible?

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    • Point proven :-)

    • I hope you do not mind if I give you an update. So we broke up in August and it has been tough for me. She cheated on me and moved out of our apartment with the guy.

  • I really don't think there is anything you can do besides be supportive. I'm assuming you love her... but as the cliche goes... if you love something you have to set it free... if it comes back it's yours forever, if it doesn't it was never yours to begin with. I've been depressed before, and not just the mild type... clinical major depressive disorder where I wasn't functioning well... only after I got passed that and worked hard on myself to resolve it (after intense weekly therapy and a lot of self reflection) was I able and ready to be in my first relationship... now I could never imagine being sad in a relationship like that... I tell you this because maybe you need to let her go and give her time to work on her self... It sounds like she is not in a healthy place right now... and no matter how good your intentions are she has to do it and want to get better

    • I think the relationship has made her unhappy in combination with her turning 32 and being unmarried, no kids, and no life. Also, I think I let her down.

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    • Should I be supportive toward her or just no contact?

    • I think you should not contact her... wait for her to come to you

  • I think it might be over, it's probably for the best

    • Why do you think it is over? And why you think it is for the best?

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    • I'm sorry xxx I hope this year holds good things for u

    • Pm me of u want to talk

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