Help needed with Ex-Girlfriend/Dumper?

Sorry in advance for the length of this question but I would like to put a little backstory into it.

So about 2 months ago my now ex-gf broke up with me, I'll be the first to admit that I took her for granted, I chose my friends over her, started an online dating profile while we were separated a few months before due to me taking a death in the family really hard, and I basically ignored her for a week after I told her I loved her for the first time since reconciliation.

I have realized the error of my ways and I am taking the necessary steps to rectify and change those things about myself, due to the fact that I know that this is the girl that I want to spend the rest of my life with... if she would only have me.

I did the normal things a person goes through after a breakup, I begged, bargained, and swore up and down that I would change if she would take me back (Not attractive I know) to no avail. However, I keep getting mixed signals from her, we have spent some time together, not a lot but some dinners including a nice romantic one I planned out. I know she is scared to get back together, she is a very stubborn girl who has been hurt in the past by other people and she has her defenses up. I know she cares about me but she doesn't want to see that I am a different guy already.

Two days ago we were texting and she told me that she "doesn't know where I belong in her life" and I know she's been on a couple of dates with other guys.

My question is this, what does it all mean? Should I just fade away quietly and know that she is gone? or should I hold out some hope that one day she will come back to me? I have instituted no contact on my own now and it is difficult but if it needs to be done then so be it.

Thank you for your answers.


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13

Most Helpful Girl

  • Well let me start out by saying that if you're willing to get back together it won't be easy.

    Addressing her mixed signals, her agreeing to go on that fancy date could mean that she might be willing to trust you again. You should also know that what you did was wrong. Aside from the death in the family which she should understand.

    Contrary to popular belief, you my friend just might need to friendzone yourself. It might take a while but if she REALLY is the person you wish to spend the rest of your life with you have to make her also believe that you have changed as much as you say you have. Be supportive, talk to her about the dates she's been on, maybe try to date another girl in the meantime because trust me it'll take a while.

    I hope I helped :)

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    • Thank you for the encouraging words, it is taking everything in me to not give up and walk away... but true love means fighting for everything you have and she is worth it

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What Guys Said 3

  • I am a girl despite my account. This is what im saying from both being in her position and in yours once before. Make absolutely sure this is the person younwant. Really think about it. Because you dont want it to be you getting back with her and her putting her faith in you again and you messing up, or getting bored, or not being able to control your feelings. She sounds like someone who needs a stable man to be there for her and love her and trust. So with that being said if you decide its too much then stop reading and leave her alone. If you decide it is a challenge she's worth then continue. Okay, so, time to get the girl of your dreams back right? She sounds like she IS scared you will hurt her again so what you need to do is:
    1. Give it time. she's not going to see you're a changed guy soso quickly because thats not set in stone to her. You need to give her time to realize how amazing and loving you really are. Be patient.
    2. Ask her what she needs. Put her needs over yours. If she wants space, give her space even though that is probably the hardest thing to do. If she needs a friend be her friend. Let her know you will be there even if you aren't her boyfriend AND PROVE IT.
    3. Romance her. Play the crazy in love card. Say what you feel and are willing to do for her (girls love that crap) UNLESS she tells you to stop or back off and if she does repsond with "only because I respect you"

    And as for what do her signals mean. she's honestly confused and it definitely sounds li, e you hold a special place in her heart if she keep going out with you which means it shouldn't be too hard winning her back.

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  • I'm Going To Give You My Unlicensed Professional Opinion, Back Away From This Relationship & Cut All Contact, She Doesn't Know Where She Wants You In Her Life So Do Not Try & Force It. Dont Go On Any Dates & Dont Try To Make Plans To See Her. (Not Out Of Meanness) But So You Can Get Your Head Clear & Allow Your Emotions To Settle. Take Time Out For Yourself & Find A Hobby To Occupy Yourself With, If The Relationship Works Out Then Allow It To Happen On It's On. She Knows You Love & Want To Make Things Right, You Told Her How You Felt & Thats A Great Thing But You Can't Force It. Allow Her To Also Gather Her Thoughts, If She Doesn't Want You Back Then It's Alright, Just Move On. Dont Just Think About The Bad Things Either Cause That Will Only Eat You Up, Stay Strong & Stay Positive...

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  • Right now i am in the same boat as u all i can tell u is try to better yourself first then try to get back to her heart

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