5 years are gone. All her family with it, what now?

I met her 7 years ago when I was in highschool. Just friends, I got incredibly close with her parents and siblings though because we were in a pretty tight social circle with my whole family. After about two years I started talking to her a lot. Like everyday. Texting, calling, we ended up working together. It went on for about 4 years. I've been calling her mother "mom" for years now, her sisters are my own, her grandparents love me like a grandson. I fell hard for this girl, I wasn't even attracted to her at first, my real love came first and I found myself day dreaming. She was the same, her mom was worried she wasn't going to want to go to college or anything because she thought we were just going to run away and get married. After 4 years of being in love I asked her out. We dated for a year, an amazing year. Everything was great. No signs of problems. Her mom came to me on a Sunday afternoon and asked when I was buying her the ring. I told her not yet because of some school stuff, I didn't want to pressure her. But I was going to buy her a promise ring for her birthday. I had it all planned, promise ring, bruno mars tickets, dinner for two. I really just wanted her to know I'll always love her like I have for 5 years. She didn't talk to me one day, about 4 weeks before her birthday. I think something bad happened, something had to be wrong. I try to help but she ignores me. Three days later I can't stand it anymore, I go to her house and confront her. She breaks up with me, no real reasons except generic stuff... "its me not you." and stuff like that. It's been three months, bruno mars has past, I sold the tickets. Her mom talks to me still, last time we talked she cried a lot. I still hurt like it's fresh, I really thought she was the one.

I'm not an angry person. I love her and want her to be happy even if that means not being with me. But what about me? I can't forget about her. I need help. I'm getting depressed to a point that scares me.
And I'm having good spouts and bad spouts each day... but I think there's a real depression. I'm a diabetic and I can tell something is wrong just by how my body chemistry has changed. I feel like I'm losing my mind.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Do something for you. Do not answer her calls, texts, emails or whatever. Here's the deal. You devoted yourself to this girl, and she smacked you across the face and didn't even give you the respect you deserved while doing it. DO NOT GO BACK TO THIS GIRL. She doesn't give a shit about you. Years of loyalty, kindness, compassion, devotion tossed aside like it was just a piece of trash. Get busy. In your spare time, get out, be active hang with the bros. Get some video games. Stay away from tv and the radio and any music love related. Surround yourself with friends, don't communicate with her family. It might seem harsh but to get better you need to cut all ties, including those ties. Get yourself something new and shiny. Make some small personal goals. Give yourself 10 minutes a day to feel bad and be upset, but only 10. Prove to yourself that you're the real deal, and you can get past this.

    • I like your enthusiasm! Luckily since the afternoon she broke up with me we really haven't communicated at all. I texted a few times when I was in shock at first. But after the shock we haven't done any talking. I don't talk with any of them except her mom. And as good as your advice sounds, I can't do that to her mom. I don't see her everyday or anything. Just a couple times a month at most. But she is literally closer than my own family. She is the woman for my emergency contact if I go to the hospital. If I turned my back on her I'd be making a decision worse than my ex's I think.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I'm going through something similar, and one thing that's been working for me is cutting off all contact, and also writing in a journal. It may sound childish and silly or something, but it actually really helps with getting out emotions. Whenever I feel sad, I write down all of my feelings in a journal, and I don't re-read it, and I feel a bit better. I've been trying to keep myself as busy as possible, and I'm starting to feel a bit better.
    I guess the best advice I could give to you is to stop talking to both her (and it doesn't seem like you do, anyway) and her mom, because in order for you to forget about her, you need to get rid of the things that remind you of her for awhile. Don't talk to her mom, or her friends, don't hang out with mutual friends, don't watch TV shows that remind you of her, or listen to songs that remind you of her, etc. Start working out, it'll also help with getting out all those feelings of frustration and hopelessness. In a few months, things will start looking up dramatically. You just need to take it one day at a time, and allow yourself time to heal.
    And if you are seriously depressed, you should probably seek out some sort of therapy. Whether it be an actual therapist, or just some friends who you can lean on. I hope things get better soon

    • You ladies are all very supportive. This is absolutely crazy to me. I guess it works out this way a lot... but I have just always been so set on her, nothing could change my mind. I regret falling in love because she really was my best friend before I even had feeling for her. There is just no way I'll get that back now, huh?

    • If I need to disconnect from her mom I need to sit down and tell her about it and why. I won't just turn my back on that woman. Not when she's saved me and taken me in the way she has. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I did that.

    • Perhaps you could limit your contact with the mom without hurting her feelings. I feel so much empathy for this sad experience in your life (AngryRedTurtle too).

  • You'll get on. My boyfriend of 7 years just left me. It wasn't only traumatizing for me but my family as well. It's hard because you become like family, included in their everyday lives, then it's over just like that. You have to mourn and grieve. It might take 2 months or 6 months or even a year. You'll get better, but you have to want to.

    • Yeah that's the hard part. I want to get better. I want to be forget and move on, and whenever I start to I feel guilty and miss her like crazy.

    • To make things worse, when it all happened. Her mom told her she wasn't going to find someone like me again, and she could never care for a boy she dated like me. That was ROUGH to hear. Made me feel great about myself but so distressed. Then she told me she thought her daughter will soon realize her mistake and come back to me. I DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR THAT. She said that and now it nags in the back of my head.

  • You will eventually get over her but it will take sometime, but don't get hard on yourself because you loved her very much and there's nothing else you could have done. Don't communicate with her because that's going to make it worse and if she comes back to you don't take her back because there might be a possibility she can take off again and that'll hurt you even more. Go out, try to have fun, talk to someone and please don't just sit and think about it, because that'll lead to a high level of depression. Try to think about what you can do in life because you're still young and think about what life has to offer. Hopefully you'll get over her in no time :)


What Guys Said 1

  • I'm Going To Give You My Unlicensed Professional Opinion, Ok, Of Course You Probably Know Time Is A Key Factor, You Will Feel Better Over Time, If You Talking To The Family About Her, STOP !! iKnow You Look At Them As Family But Dont Contact Them As Much, You Need Take Time Out To Self Heal, Trust Me, Stay Strong...


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