Will No Contact Work?

Will the No Contact Rule work for getting him back? Me and the absolute love of my life have been dating for 2 years, and he recently just ended things between us because we "fought too much". Which is a load of horse ****, really. I think he ended it because he's overwhelmed with his job and the stress of a baby on the way (I'm almost 8 months pregnant). He started sleeping for 15 hours a day and never making time for me, so I would beg him to wake up and come see me, and he just... Ended it after I was upset for the last time. Broke my heart. For the first week, I begged relentlessly. Which now I understand was a terrible move. I then just... Quit. He began ignoring me. I left the door open for him, telling him that I still loved him and cared for him, and that I wouldn't bother him again unless it was concerning the baby. He never replied to that, and now it's been 5 days of no contact. We had an amazing relationship, before all this pressure got to him. Do you think he'll wake up (literally) and realize his mistakes? Has anyone had a similar experience? I really miss him, and want to spend the rest of my life with him. Also, he told me that he still loves me. More horse ****. I really, really love this guy, and it's killing me to not be able to talk to him.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Speculating her somewhat but some thoughts. You guys are going to be inextricably wound together for a long time because you have a child together... it's not like a normal relationship where you "get to" break it off and never be involved with the person again - having a baby makes you permanently involved with someone and so it can be really difficult if you aren't getting along, like feeling trapped. It sounds to me like he's running away from fatherhood, or perhaps it is the combination of the idea of facing fatherhood with a woman for which he sees the relationship has deteriorated. I wouldn't say 'no contact' because you have a child together so you're both going to need to be mature and think about what is best for the baby etc. at all times (e. g. he would surely still like to be there when it's born, and you WILL need help, and a baby benefits from more involved parents than fewer providing they aren't fighting). In any case, the real question is if you want him around long-term as the major partner or if you want to find a new 'father' or just try stay single for a while. My suggestion is don't break contact but don't push the issue either - he needs some distance to think about things and take it slowly/easily so he's not overwhelmed - let him know he can be as involved (or not) as he wants to be and that if he wants he can be there when she's born etc., or something like that. If the pressure of the responsibility is off and he sees these special moments the idea may grow on him. That is assuming you love him.

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    • "Speculating her" *here

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    • He definitely had feelings for me, 2 months ago. This pregnancy just.. changed him. I really hope this space is helping him sort things out. I know he won't do couples therapy because he's very hard-headed. I wish he would just go to therapy.. if not for him, then for me. It just doesn't make sense. He used to tell me everything. Then he just pulled away. I feel really hopeless, because I don't think he'll change on his own. And nothing I've said has worked so far. Maybe after the birth of his child he'll start looking up again

    • It's most likely depression, caused by the uncertainties of being a father, and how he'll handle it, since his father was a dirtbag. This really started like 2 months ago. I began to notice he lost interest in sexual activity, but I just figured it was because I was starting to get a baby bump, and that freaked him out.

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What Guys Said 4

  • this guy is a douche:P im assuming the baby growing inside you is also his so yeah he's a dick. he needs to some to a realization that he is going to be a father soon and needs to be there for your/his child. how can he just start ignoring you like that? when you're 8 months pregnant? I don't know about the no contact rule in this situation but you gotta try to get some sense into him because the situation you two are in shouldn't be taken lightly or ignored like he is doing.

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    • He thinks it's totally okay to abandon me, too -.- as long as he's paying child support. He really is a douche, but I can't seem to get that across to my heart. It's stubborn and dwells on the past, before he was a douche.

    • well its going to be hard for you to just get over him like that but you gotta realize he's letting his actions speak for him, which in turn is him being a total dickfuck.

  • I'm Going To Give You My Unlicensed Professional Opinion, "The No Contact Rule" Is Meant For Self Healing & Focusing On Your Feelings/Emotions Not Just To Get Your Ex Back, It's True, "Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder" But At The Same Time Nobody Should Talk To An Ex While High On Emotions, Dont Allow Him To String You Along Either, Meaning Talk To Him & He Is Also Talking To Other Girls, Stay Strong & Stay Positive...

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  • No contact isn't designed to win someone back, it's designed to enable you to move on and find someone else.

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    • Yeah, I know, and since I started NC, it hurts a lot less. I just can't help but hope it'll cause him to actually realize what he's lost, too. I've heard of no contact working to get an ex back before :/

    • It can work, but I've always said that an ex is an ex for a reason and there's over 3 billion women on this planet, so why am I wasting my time on the wrong girl when there are so many other women out there?

      Time is finite, so don't waste that limited time on the wrong people.

  • While it works both ways it seems like your in denial a bit too. While the stress on the job is overwhelming and having a child on the way is too I doubt that is just the two reasons he broke up with you. I'm sure that the arguing mixed in to all that wasn't helping either. I would still let him be and let him sort everything out in his head. I don't know when your next appointment is (congrats) but hopefully he will want to attend and afterwards you could talk. Hopefully it works out and also that he realizes that most of your agruements are more due to your hormones than anything else. See if he will compromise and not sleep the whole day way either cause that is alot. Set time to watch a movie with you and rub that belly before or after he sleeps. Hope it works out.

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    • I'm just trying to figure out why he really left. I don't think it's because of arguing.. Because he knows it's mainly hormones. So I'm trying to come up with why. Whenever I would ask him, he'd say something like, "Please don't" -.- I don't think he wants to admit that he's being a coward. And I had an appointment 6 days ago, and he made no effort to come. Didn't even ask how it went. The more I rant about him, the more I realize how awful he really is... Hah.

    • Yeah he seems like a coward and an asshole. Scared of responsibilities. That's really sad. I went to every appointment no matter what. I don't see why he won't at least give you some sort of closure of whats wrong so you can move on easier.

What Girls Said 2

  • "Do you think he'll wake up (literally) and realize his mistakes?"
    Nope. Seems like he has already made up his mind on not wanting to be with you anymore. The signs that he doesn't want to get back are kind of overwhelming. You're simply not his priority anymore. Seems like even the baby isn't.

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  • That is his baby?
    This guy is obviously an immature douche. Running out on you being pregnant. It sounds to me, that he is not stressed about the job, but the responsibility it brings with being a dad.

    I haven't been in your situation, but I would try to make him take responsibility, once the child is there, at least financially. So perhaps, once he actually sees the baby and realizes his responsibility, he might change. I do not think though, this guy is mature enough to educate one. In my opinion, you should keep your eyes open for more mature men as well, who are willing to spend time with you and a child.

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    • Yeah, it's his baby. Unfortunately :/ but I made it clear to him that he'll have to pay child support. He says he wants to be involved in her life still.
      Thank you for your reply.. You've got a point. I don't know why I'm wasting my time on this man-child anyway -.-

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