I lied and need help?

I have ptsd from being a paramedic and was recently building a house about a block away from a hospital. I met the girl of my dreams about a month later. I love her so much. I was on cloud 9 with her. About 2 months into the relationship I realized that I couldn't live there due to never feeling away from work. So I stopped building the house. I was afraid to tell her because I felt like a failure. Every time she asked me I said it was fine and still on track. We got to the point where we talked about living together. I tried to bring up different ideas of where we could build together but she wanted to go into the original one that k was building. Again I don't know why I couldn't tell her. It was killing me inside. About 2 weeks ago it came out that I'm not building that original house anymore and now she won't talk or even see me. She says I ruined her trust. I was protecting myself but at the same time I scared her away. I know I lied and I'm getting help for my ptsd. I just wish I could have her back. She meant the world to me. What can I do to save this relationship. I want to marry her
What's the best way to try and contact her to talk. Everything had been over text and I want to stay away from that. I love her with all my heart and want this to work with her and I.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Call her, and simply explain. It depends on if she answers the phone, or lets it go to voicemail.
    If she answers, start with: I know you don't want to talk to me, and I'm so sorry. Please may I explain?
    She will say yes or no. If no, say 'Alright, I understand. I am sorry, and if you want an explanation, please call me sometime.'
    She'll probably say 'Fine.' In which case, you say the same thing as you would in a voicemail:
    First, I'm so sorry I lied. I was too embarrassed to admit to you that I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I know it's no excuse, I just want you to know why. I have had a hard time accepting it myself, but breaking your trust helped me realize that I wasn't just hurting myself, but also those around me by keeping it in.
    I'm getting help for it now, and I know it doesn't make up for the past, but I want you to know I am working towards a future. The reason I stopped building that house was that it was to close to work, and the idea of being constantly reminded of my ptsd scared me.
    I know I have no right to ask, but I hope you can forgive me.
    (Have you said I love you to each other yet? That could affect the rest of the conversation.)
    If yes:
    I want you to know that I still love you, and I will respect whatever decision you make.
    If no:
    I want you to know that I still care for and value you, and I will respect whatever decision you make.
    -End message-

    It's going to be hard, and you may have to practice first, but if you really love this girl, only let her go if it's what SHE wants. And if she says she can't listen, or she needs time, or she doesn't think she can forgive you: RESPECT IT! It will suck balls, it will be heartbreaking, but in the end, just know that the women you love will be happy.
    If she does forgive you, then for gods sake, be honest with her. It will be hard, it will probably feel like you are handing her your heart, but you know what the scariest part of falling in love is? Trusting someone else. : )


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm Going To Give You My Unlicensed Professional Opinion, If You've Already Tried Talking To Her & She Is Ignoring You Then iStrongly Suggest Moving On, You can't Force A Relationship So Dont Try. Give Her Time & Let Her Breath, Stay Positive...


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What Girls Said 1

  • Just be honest with her. Tell that you changed your mind and dont want to live so close to where you work..

    • She sent me a text 2 weeks ago saying that she can't talk or even see me. We haven't said a word to each other since. How should I initiate contact again so that I'm able to talk to her.

    • Show All
    • These last 2 weeks have been horrible. But I've been working on myself everyday. I just really hope she let's me have the chance to talk to her and show her that I'm not a bad person and that I made a mistake and wasn't comfortable at the time expressing my feelings

    • Just lay it all out on the table. If its meant to be, you will both be ready to talk :)

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