I crave attention from other men? Is my relationship over?

I am in a longterm relationship of 7 years.
I was the happiest girl the first 4 years and then a lot of things happened that shattered my trust in him. He started to become distant and I became depressed. Now I realize how I always crave attention from other men. I just want them to look at me. It's like I need a reconfirmation that I am attractive.
I never cheated or touched another man, but I often fell emotionally for another guy and I just can't forget about them.
My bf is now all on the "I love you so much" side again, but I don't feel anything when he says it, it's like I don't believe him.
I don't know how to stop this, I wonder if this actually shows me, that there is something missing in my relationship and I should break it off.
Anyone been in such a situation?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think it's an act to boost your self esteem. I assume due to what you perceived as distance between you and him (that resulted in your feeling depressed) your self esteem took a hit... for instance a feeling of does he really like me? Am I lovable? that kind of stuff... so you are trying to reinforce your self esteem by getting attention from guys which validates you at least on a superficial level

    does it mean there's something missing in the relationship. I guess it sounds like there was something missing, but only you know if the current state of things is ok or not. if he has sort of fixed the issues that were bothering you earlier I think you should try and recognize that and keep in mind that relationships (especially a 7yr relationship) are never entirely smooth. there are bumps in the road. if you feel like you don't love him you shouldn't be with him, but getting attention from other guys is only a superficial way to fix a deeper issue.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I'm Going To Give You My Unlicensed Professional Opinion, If Men Give You Attention Its Alright, But Dont Follow Up On It Or Act On It, If You Find Yourself Wanting Other Men Then iStrongly Suggest You Leave Him. Its Not Fair To Him Giving & Receiving Attention From Other Guy While In The Relationship, If You Want To Make It Work Then iSuggest Not Acting On Your Feelings...

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  • Nah nothing's wrong what your experiencing is quite normal and actually pretty well documented and researched. Wanting someone to validate you makes sense but the thing about feeling validated is that we tend to only care about being validated by certain people. You most likely don't care about being validated by your husband because of your lack of trust in him. Why would we want the attention of someone we don't view positively? So you're totally normal but this doesn't necessarily spell doom for your relationship. It's important to remember that we can't predict the future it's also important to remember that jumping to conclusions and catastrophizing can make a huge disaster from a little annoyance just by thinking about. Second it may help to put away this idea of what a relationship should be like. Relationships aren't static. They fluctuate between closeness and distance. Nothing may be missing from your relationship but it's really easy to label a little distance as a permanent whole that needs filling rather than a simple gap that'll close itself with time. Things shrink when it's cold making gaps and expand when it's warm filling them in. Love is the same way but like I said relationships fluctuate. So maybe warming yourself up may help expand that love and fill in that gap. Maybe just going out of your way to be more warm and open to your husband will show you that things really aren't that bad. Think about the sun it's warm and expansive it gives heat and things grow because of that. Love is the same way. We never really feel how great it is until we realize we don't actually need validation we don't need people to love us. It's nice and we like how it feels but we don't need it to be happy. What makes us truly happy is giving love both to ourselves and those around us. Start with yourself and then move on to him. You don't need another person to feel happy all you need is positivity about your life and acceptance of yourself. Good luck :)

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    • Not sure why I thought you said husband I meant boyfriend but titles are just words and only mean as much the definitions we choose to give them.

    • Well, that is ok. :-) Very beautifully worded! Thank you very much! I agree, I have to start with loving myself and find out what I really want and communicate that!

What Girls Said 2

  • Be honest with him and tell him exactly how you feel...
    but you have to know that It's normal. Relationships, after sometime, will definitely go in ups and downs. There is no perfect relationship in which the two partners are angels. He might flirt, you may crave attention... but thats not the end.. If you really love each other, you can re-set your feelings on fire..

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  • I'm in the middle of it now, so I'm hoping you find answers!

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    • you are in the middle of the same situation? Are you considering a break-up?

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    • Yes, same for me. I don't know if I will ever get over certain issues that happened and that's why I built up a shield not to get hurt by him anymore. Good luck!

    • You too!

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