How did you know you weren't in love with your partner anymore? What were the signs/emotions?

Me & my ex were together for 5 years, we did fight a lot about the past he lied to me about somethings. Which I never could get over. It was really hard because I trusted him I felt like if he really loved me he wouldn't have lied to me. We tried making work, I wanted him to be romantic & adventurous but he never even tried. I would cry myself to sleep because I always questioned if I really loved him or not. He has been calling me to hang out, he says we can work things out. But I just don't feel the spark between us. I don't know if I run back to him because I'm comfortable or because I love him. Also I'm scared that I won't find a sweet guy. I don't like getting hurt.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I hear you and I know how you feel, you can't change a person though and don't ever make yourself love somebody. I went through the same thing with my ex back in August 2013 and it wasn't easy but now I see it was totally worth it. My ex and I argued a lot about our past and stuff and things weren't the same like they used to be. At least he didn't cheat on you like mine did. My ex wasn't ready for a relationship and he didn't know what love was. If it makes you happy to go back to him then do it. But only if it makes you happy I made a mistake of going back to my ex, and then started questioning myself and then realized he led me on and he just left me in the dirt. I was sore and weak in my legs and everything but my soreness has healed and I actually fell out of love with him so proud of myself it took me about 5 months. But something I learned is that it isn't good to go back to an old love because you may end up getting hurt just like I did. And another bit of advice if a guy really likes you or you really like him get to know him before you decide he is the one you want to fall in love with. Don't be scared, if he didn't treat you right then he doesn't deserve you and you don't need to run back to him. My ex treated me like a dog, lied to me, we got into an argument he told me to go to hell, etc. He never made time for me or anything I wasn't a priority in his life. Let him chase you, do not chase him because it'll show that you are desperate. Don't run back to him so quickly because then you'll start second guessing yourself I know I did. I've been hurt a lot emotionally in relationships by how my ex didn't treat me right but I learned a lot from my last relationship. Don't fall in love so quickly that you will hit your head. Do you really love him, or do you love the thoughts of being with him? Think about it for a second. I don't think he really loved my ex when he asked me back out I think I just missed the memories but not him.

    • My ex didn't cheat on me but he lied to me about hanging out with his ex. Also he lied about how many girls he slept with. I trusted him when he told me it was only his ex because I was a virgin when we met. after I found he lied to me about that I was so pissed off. That's when started fighting a lot & I felt like he lied to me just so he could have me. 5 years later I just feel like I invested so much time into him. & to go through this with another person scares me. I know there are a lot of nice guys out there. But I run into the jerks. Yeahh I was too weak to break up with him. I wanted to along time ago but I couldn't I felt stupid. I'm sorry you had to go through that but glad you are stronger:)

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    • My ex wanted to have a baby with me at 17 we're a year apart actually but I didn't do it because I didn't think he could take on the responsibility of taking care of baby and stuff like that and plus he'd probably leave me of course and I'd have to take care of it all by myself so I'm happy I didn't do it. If there's a guy you like really like get to know before you open your heart up to him. Because my ex and I met in middle school we didn't know each other very well so we just thought we'd date but it didn't last that long about 5 years I guess but it was on and off. I think the biggest mistake I made was not getting to know him, because you can't just say I like you and then all of a sudden started dating that person when you know nothing about them, you what I mean? And that's a mistake that I made. The best relationships start off as friendships. Fall in love when your ready not when you're lonely. And don't force yourself to fall in love because you'll just hit your head.

    • Your not alone I felt stupid too while the answers were right there in front of my face. I can't stand liars either and boys that use other girls I hate it. I was weak when I broke up with my ex and then when he came back to me and then broke up with me I was weak but with time and over the summer I lost connection and my feelings for him. It just takes time and patience, I've healed no more soreness or weakness or anything like that. If i could rewind the clock I would and say what I needed to say.

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What Guys Said 3

  • You know what, that last thought, where you say you are scared of finding a sweet guy... there are many people in the world... and honestly if i was a guy... i would want to knoe that the girl im with really doesn't love me... i mean it would hurt like crap... but i would move on... but there is one important thing.., you have yo tell him why... let him know where he put out that fire you had for him... that way he can only blame himself if he does the same mistake... you both need someone else... dont sting him along if you are alwags going to be looking elsewhere for love... its not fair to him... or you!

    • Well I'm just scared to run into guys that "act" sweet then become total jerks in the end. I've talk to my ex & told him before he really hurt me. He Would lie to me about the same stuff constantly. I eventually resented him & we would argue about trust. That burnt me out so much. He was my first serious relationship & I feel like I'm throwing away 5 years :/ but I also feel this isn't how love should be.

    • You aren't throwing away, you are passing a time in your life... a moment... you acomplished 5 years together.. so you know commitment isn't your problem, its trust... so make that clear moving forward in another relatioship.

  • Hi:) that is not something someone remembers usually.

    • Really? I think there comes a point when you realize the relationship isn't what you want.

    • Yeah that is because you want something else.

  • When sex gets boring

    • That's when you stop loving someone? I there's more to love other than sex.

What Girls Said 2

  • You're kind of like me and holding onto his potential. I waited 5 years for my guy to be the person I wanted him to be and he just wasn't that person for me. I realized I didn't love him anymore when every little thing he did annoyed me. I started wishing I was with someone else. I wasn't afraid of being single. I actually wished he would find someone else. I realized we fought almost everyday about the littlest things. I knew I was completely miserable. I realized I was gritting me teeth when I returned his "I love yous"

    • This is perfect "holding onto his potential". I think that's why I stood with him for so long. Because I thought he could change & improve but he keeps lying I'm so tired of it. Yes I feel the exact same way when he talks to me I get so irritated & when he would try & kiss me I would back away. But then I would feel awful for being mean & give in to him not because I felt all lovable but because I felt I was being mean.

  • First of all, that spark of chemistry slowly went away. Similar to a 'honeymoon period', in the end it just felt to make things work I had to initiate almost everything. Texts, phone calls, and simple conversation felt forced. This is turn made us drift apart. We were both also very busy people, I was finishing my last year of University and he was starting first full time graduate job. We both noticed things weren't working. For me I felt that love was always there, but the feelings of love were not. You have to intentionally work to keep your love alive. It doesn't just exist because you want it to. You have to go out of your way for your loved one. That's what that relationship taught me. Sorry for the ramble.


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