Is this really real life?

I've only been in love 4 times. After the third one I decided I was gonna be a whore because I was so angry. I wanted to feel better, I thought screwing a bunch of girls was the answer. I thought it would be more difficult than it was. I guess I'm more attractive than I thought. But they all started falling for me. I would break it off. Then I met one I actually wanted to be with. She would tell me I was perfect and that I make her feel so beautiful and cared for. I didn't smother her, I literally didn't put any effort into going over and above. She started calling me babe and baby and sending good morning texts and calling every day. So I took a shot on it and it's been two months. She dumped me today because she said she can't handle the anxiety of always knowing she's not good enough. It sounds like bullshit to me. But I don't know. I haven't walked in her shoes. But every girl says the same thing. The thing is, is I don't cater to them. I have a backbone and I'm not afraid to call anyone on their shit. My instinct tells me she feels like she doesn't have the upper hand, and that's not a position she's used to having I guess. I feel like she's terrified of getting crushed. I'm not sure. I don't know what to think. My question isn't how do I get her back, she obviously has issues that aren't my place to deal with, my question is do any of you girls ever feel the same way she says she feels? And why are girls so eager to have sex and fall in love but once I return it they say that? Why would she chase me so hard for so long just to panic and jump ship? And why does this happen the exact same way every single time?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's okay to stand your ground if needed and not cater to bullshit, demands, etc. There is always a place for some level of sensitivity though, and maybe that's why she doesn't feel as if she's good enough. You see what you're doing as having a backbone, but she may kind of see it as a cold shoulder or lack of emotion, commitment... things that would make her feel insecure and not good enough.

    Things changed because girls (and I'm assuming guys) expect some sort of shift once a relationship begins. Once a relationship is established, so are different sets of expectations. If you want her back, try talking to her about it. Ask her WHY she feels as if she isn't good enough. Maybe it's something you unintentionally did, and maybe its her own issue. If it was because of you, just explain your position - let her know you never intended on making her feel that way. If its more of a personal problem, listen to her, comfort her, and let her know that YOU think she is good enough. Maybe that's all she needs, reassurance.

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    • That's the thing, I was sweet to her and we had a deep level of emotional intimacy, I wasn't mean to her or anything. I only mentioned having a backbone because the first thing everyone says is well you're just too nice. That's a cop out reason. I'm not a doormat. And she says that's just the way she is and nothing I ever do or say will change that c

    • If your commitment and kindness towards her wasn't enough to boost her confidence a bit and make her feel better about herself, she has deep insecurity issues. I stand by the idea that someone needs to be happy with themselves before they can be happy with a significant other. So, maybe her reason for leaving the relationship is bullshit, maybe it's not, but there's definitely some sort of personal battle that will threaten any relationship she gets into.

      The best you can do is offer the support and understanding you've done in the past. After that, step back and let her think about things. Maybe she'll realize she's making a mistake by walking away from a good guy, or maybe she won't even be able to realize that. Either way, at least you know you stepped up and treated her as best you could.

Most Helpful Guy

  • She can't be the only one to make you feel good; you have to make her feel good, too. It's a partnership. You've got to exercise a little grace sometimes, because some people cannot handle being judged for what is the truth if you show very little signs of actually caring about them. It's happening the same way every single time because your attitude is the same way every single time. Change that, and the girl who is best for you will stay with you through thick and thin.

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    • I wasn't a dick to her. Not even close. Love how you make me out to low key be an asshole tho. Much obliged.

    • I'm sorry that I made a misjudgment. I'm just offering advice based on the story you told us; you never mentioned the good that you did for her, only about how you tell people exactly how it is, no holds barred. Basically, what I was trying to say is the equivalent of what Skyemae is telling you, though she is wording it in a more clear and graceful way.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Sounds like you don't know anything about her or any of the other women you've dated. You seem to be highly attracted to damaged women who are insecure with low self esteem. Possibly even women who suffer from depression and/or are bipolar.

    I dated a guy who looked like a freakin model, he was as smart as a whip, and extremely charming. After the 3rd month I started to see a different side of him. He was completely insecure, always apologized for the way he looked, always called himself worthless and stupid. He accused me of cheating constantly, est. He was a wreck. Now I ahd seen the signs prior to that, but I ignored them. He actually didn't change, I just noticed how damaged he was after we had been dating.

    If you KEEP dating women like this you have to NOTICE THE SIGNS BEFORE you start a relationship. IF these are the only type of women you date, then YOU ALSO HAVE A PROBLEM. Its not normal to constantly get attached to these women and/or pursue relationships with them.

    Perhaps you should not have sex with a woman unless she commits to a relationship with you? That way you won't be confused as to whether its just sex or if its a serious emotional relationship forming.

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