What do you think of how I handled my breakup?

hi. im 30 years old. i dumped my 25 year old gf that i been with for 4 years. i found out she cheated on me with 3 guys all at the same time. i confronted her about it she denied denied denied. i showed all the explicit photos of all 3 guys i found in her phone and she was quiet. she seemed emotionless very non chalant like brushing it off when she finally confessed. i calmly made her feel like crap. i wasn't even angry about anything. i felt sorry for her. 10 minutes later i told how much i cared for her and loved her just for the hell of it, maybe to see what she would say. she eventually started crying. she admitted of messing up. she said she had the freedom to do it and so she did it. i wiped her eyes walked to her door and told her as much i wanted to stay and be with you, i got to go. and i left. did i handle that well?


0|0
43

Most Helpful Girl

  • Most people would kill to have ended things in such a good term. I do understand that's an awful situation, and you probably still care about her. And that's where people go wrong: because they still deeply care about the other person, they want to forgive and try to work things out. But the reality is that once you're a cheater, the chances are, you'll always be one. And if you really liked that person to begin with, the thought of being with someone else would never occur to you.

    You did exceptionally well. To do what you did takes the utmost strength, maturity, kindness and patience. It wasn't your loss, it was hers, and you showed that to her. She's the one losing for letting someone like you walk away!

    0|1
    0|0
    • for me being in a same position once before, i know how to handle things like this.

    • You didn't even have to ask this question. You should know already you did well!

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • Yes you did! You were so mature about it, wow. Also you made her think about what she did more, if you just yelled and called her names she would of probably got mad, but the way you did it, you made her actually think about her actions and feel bad. Good job. Don't think I would of been that calm.

    0|1
    0|0
    • i did call her names. basically i said she was being a whore. but i was being very serious and calm. i also told her that she shouldve had more class and self respect about herself. so in a nutshell i said insulting things politely.

    • Well, at least you didn't yell and call her anything that wasn't true. I mean if you got mad and started calling her things like "worthless" and "ugly" just to bother her that would be a different story. But what she did does make her a whore. The way you did was perfect in my opinion.

  • Young people and their orgies. You handled it well, its not as if you were emotionally shaken by it as you said you didn't care. So there wasn't a need to get irate by it. Doesn't sound like it was that much of a relationship anyways. Now you're back on the market to scale other 25 year olds.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Like a champ

    0|1
    0|0

What Guys Said 3

  • "she said she had the freedom to do it and so she did it"

    This part makes me wonder. Why did she feel free to do it? Is the relationship not exclusive? I mean, was exclusivity clearly addressed at some point? Or was it assumed? Not trying to stick up for her, but it almost seems like she went out of her way to push a non-established boundary to get your attention. Maybe to establish that boundary, or to sabotage the relationship.

    Just a heads up, and I know many here will disagree, but it is reality. If exclusivity is not clearly agreed upon, these things can happen and it is not truly cheating. There has to be a mutual pact made first. The "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" labels do not automatically carry that. That is why the term "exclusive relationship" exists.

    0|1
    0|0
    • oh yes. the relationship was totally exclusive. her last relationship consisted with a lot of insecurities and fighting from her bf. i wanted to give her space and not be the boyfriend who constantly calls and asks where she's at and ask a zillion more questions. i gave her space just as long she's respectful to me and the relationship. she also knows of my past relationship and knew that i completely left because it happened the same way. im not sure of her ulterior motive of her infidelity.

    • Maybe she couldn't handle the space. I have been there. You meet a woman that has only ever had jealous, insecure boyfriends. When they experience what they think they want, their own insecurities are revealed. They end up feeling like you don't care because you do not exhibit what they think is normal behavior (insecurity leading to jealousy). In the past I have faked these things on occasion to keep someone around. I stopped as it is not authentic and truth be told, it is their issue to work through, not mine to accommodate. Sounds like you did the right thing and her own shit surfaced. She needs to fix herself. But it isn't your problem. Hopefully the next one works in your favor.

    • what really funny is that i also told her that she needs to fix herself. because no right-minded person could do what she has done. especially considering the fact that i have done no wrong in the relationship what so ever from what she has said.

  • You handled it perfectly. The only thing that would have made it better is if you said "now you have the freedom to do it anytime you want"

    0|1
    0|0
    • i shouldve said that, but i wasn't thinking that at the time. i was mostly trying to hold my composure as best as i can. i told her my heart is unbreakable.

  • Dude I would have told her to fuck off and left feeling no sympathy. So yeah you sound better than me.

    0|1
    0|0
    • trust me bro. i wanted to say that and be a complete douchebag. but she needed to know that her actions can't break me down. i did tell her that im leaving you in complete satisfaction knowing that i found out what happened and im the one doing the dumping. i win you lose. lol

    • You still have better control than I don't. My last ex pissed me off so much that I gathered all her lover letters to me plus that stuffed bear, put them in my grill, poured gasoline on them, and set them on fire using them to cook burgers. I even video taped it and emailed it to her. So I know if I were in your position I'd have to use all the control I have just to not yell.

    • aww man. im too lazy to do all of that lol. i tried my best to keep calm

Loading... ;