Why won't he leave his wife? What can I do? I prefer answers from women that have been in this situation?

I do not want any negative criticism. No bashing please, just don't answered. I would love advice from people that have been in this situation who understands what I'm feeling and going through.

We have been friends for four years before he got married and just recently (2 months ago) our relationship started developing on a different level. I first have to say that I never throughout our friendship felt this way for him. I encouraged him to marry the girl, was happy for him when they got married and also when he had his son. They have been married for a year and half and we started sleeping together last month. We have sex almost 3 times a week (unprotected). I never saw myself getting involved in something like this and now I'm struggling to get out. I've tried ignoring him, blocking his calls and texts but then he'll email me at work saying he misses me and loves me. He says that he has always liked me but I was stuck on my ex. If that's the case why won't he just leave this girl! I'm way better looking (she looks like a chipmunk and Popeyes) more educated, have a great personality which he says that he loves. I just don't understand. And to make matters worst, he just bought a house. I was mad and told him that he's never leaving since they just bought a house, his response was who are y'all? I just bought a house. I'm not dumb, I know they both bought that house and not just him. Please help! This hurts

Updates:
He text me this morning asking when he's going to see me again, after I told him last week that I was ending this. I ignored him and he has texted me 4 times after. So I replied and said "when you leave that ugly girl" he replied with what?
I didn't answer him so then he text can he come in the morning, I still didn't reply. Then I get another text asking if I'm going to let him in. What part of we are done does he not understand? I feel like he's not taking me serious and I'm mad

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I am a guy and I was exactly like your date was hurtinbg for both of us. I loved her but I also couldn't leave my wife. He won't leave her and if he did he wil regret it and leave you later. I don't advice you build your new life on someone else life. I completely understand your situation and I know how hard is it. The girl I was ddating was my only love story in my life but unfortunately I couldn't make it happen. I can't tell the whole story here but you can message me and we can chat later. You can stay as you are but know that will end eventually and ignore whatg happenning in his life or just cut it now and see what he will do. Good luck and take care.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 9

  • Lol, nice. I think the real question is why would you encourage him to marry a girl who looks like a chipmunk and popeyes? Way to be a friend.

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    • Haha!!! Well he always complained that they were always arguing because she wanted to get married and he didn't. I suggested that he just marry the girl

    • So you basically suggested him to marry a girl to shut her up, not because he loved her? It's ironic isn't. That if you never made that suggestion, the transition from her to you would be so much smoother. He may already have left her for you. But now that will probably never be. Pretty ironic.

    • I'm sure he loved her otherwise he wouldn't have married her just because I suggested it.

  • iCan Tell You Right Now This Man Is Not Gonna Leave His Wife For You, He Is A Man, Meaning Getting Sex From You Is All He Wants & It Has Him Satisfied. To Him, You Are A Mistress, A Getaway From The Relationship, A Side Piece, A Distraction When The Marriage Gets Rocky, iSee This All The Time On "Jerry Springer." I'm Going To Give You My Unlicensed Professional Opinion, All You Can Do Is Permantley Cut Him Off & Move On (Unless You Dont Mind Being The Side Chick) ...

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    • Are You A Bot Or Are You Just Pretending Because In My Unlicensed Professional Opinion You Are Beginning To Piss Me Off

    • What is a BOT?

  • I know you don't want any negative criticism, and I feel like I saw this question before, but you need to stop this now! You're being a homewrecker and falling for the lie that he will leave his wife! He already got what he wanted, sex, so why does he need to leave his wife? Plus, if he ever leaves her, you may end up losing interest because he's no longer unavailable. Find a single guy and don't create drama!

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  • your sleeping around with a married guy, your basically his fuck toy. what do you expect to be treated as? I would just treat you like the wh*re you are.

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  • He's scared, he wants to be with you but his child is the block, he is scared of the whole divorce thing. Give him time and help him to see how it will better for him as well as his son to see him in a healthy relationship

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    • How is he scared when he just bought a house? That is a huge investment for someone if you are not happy and don't want to be with them

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    • That is totally him! He is such a people pleaser. Have a heart to heart and say what? I feel like we are constantly talking about this and nothing is changing. However, I just realized that we just started the affair like 2 months ago but I don't like being the other women. He has been texting me all day and I ignored him then I just got a text saying he's coming in the morning. Is he taking me for a joke?

    • Message me we can chat

  • He's not taking you seriously because he doesn't need to. He knows you'll fuck him anyways.

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    • Well I think he knows in serious this time. I haven't heard from him today

  • Hi:) Although you feel better looking, so far you just get out of it what you put in it. Remaining in this situation obviously bothers you more than him.

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  • Your doing the right thing by ending it. I understand this guy is a good friend of yours but he is not being a man by pursuing you. He made obligations to be with someone and to be loyal to them. He is a typical manipulator and is only interested in what benefits him, not you. Find someone who appreciates you and doesn't put you as second place in their lives. Your doing the right thing by cutting ties with him

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    • It is very hard though

    • That would be because your doing the right thing which is always the hardest thing to do. Keep your head up and sty occupied with positive things.

  • Because only 3% of men who cheat on their wives ever actually leave them for the other woman (source: CDC)

    You're singing a very common song. He's not leaving her for you, and that's the end of it. If he had even the slightest desire to actually do so, he'd have done it by now.

    Why? Because despite everything he tells you, he's actually quite satisfied with his wife. He may have feelings for you, and they may be real, but when it comes down to reality, you're just a piece of ass on the side, and he'd never choose you over her. All those years you (thought) you knew him mean nothing where this is concerned.

    https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/ad/ad323.pdf

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What Girls Said 6

  • bitch bye. you asked not to be criticized but you're gonna get it anyway
    when will you stupid hoes learn that MEN LIE. if a married man is fucking you the oldest line in the book is "im gonna leave my wife". he is never going to leave his wife for you. he wants a wife and a mistress. you are a trifling bitch and you deserve all the emotional heartache you get.

    do you know how stressful and expensive divorce is? why would he go through all that just to please some piece of ass when he already gets to fuck you raw 3x/week while he's still married? he wasn't forced at gunpoint to marry his wife so did you ever think that he married her because in some way he loves her? he's not going to give up the comfort and stability of married life for your hoe ass.. and he just bought a house too! what you think he's gonna divorce her, kick her out and move you in? lmao you are dumb if you keep entertaining this situation

    please, even if you have no respect and dignity, at least fake it till you make it and leave this guy alone. he's playing you. it doesn't matter how pretty you are on the outside, where you went to school or how cool your personality is - none of that will change that he took vows with his wife and is married to her. if that man died tomorrow his wife would get everything and be taken care of. if both of y'all got pregnant tomorrow, 9 months later her children would be legitimately recognized and yours would be the bastards that he only sees every now and then.

    he does not love you. stop being so weak and stop falling for his bullshit. he will tell you whatever it takes to keep getting sex out of you.

    here's a plan: tell him that you love him and want to cement an emotional bond with him and take your "relationship" to a deeper and more meaningful level. instead of having sex 3x/week, just spend time with each other 3x weekly and do not give him pussy at all. watch how fast he drops you and finds a new mistress. that's what you are to him.

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    • We always hung out before sex was bought into the picture. We just started having sex last month and for the past couple weeks, it's been more frequent. He has said that we can stop having sex because it's more than that

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    • I actually suggest that you cut all contact with him compeletely. just do it. you don't need his permission. he keeps contacting you because he knows you have been weak so far and will end up going back to him. I guess dared you to test out that strategy because im trying to show you that your role here is to lay on your back and you aren't as relevant to him as you think you are. once you stop sleeping with him, he would just cut off contact for you and stop calling you at all.

    • Tell him you'll confess to his wife unless he stops contacting you, f*cking magicians don't disappear as fast as he will.

      But, yeah, you're screwed. Guy isn't gonna leave his kid and give up half the Everything for you if he can have you on the side. Doesn't matter if he paid for the house himself, wifey owns half plus child support. Even if he hates her.

  • I've never been in this situation and I probably never will. Simply because I don't enjoy the role/responsibilities of that required of a side chick. Whether I'm just fucking a guy or dating him, I enjoy being priority number 1, no sneaking around bullshit.

    Anyways, do a quick Google search. Many men don't leave their wives, they just don't. For some people they prefer having a harem of lovers. That includes a main partner, and additional loves/partners on various tiers of interest. From what he's said, he isn't leaving his wife. If they aren't even in the process of legally separating or divorcing. Then you can forget it.

    Some men and women simply aren't monogamous. And instead of dating other non-monogamous people, they collect a variety of monogamous people to meet their sexual/emotional needs. IF you are a monogamous woman then you should avoid such people in the future.

    Honestly I don't have a moral compass regarding the situation. If you're happy, then stay with him, he's already cheated, so if his wife finds out, she'll be the one to leave/stay/pretend it isn't happening. Some men/women don't mind sharing partners. IF you think he's the one for you, then him being married may just be a factor that you have to get over.

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  • to be honest do you really want a man who will cheat on his wife and very young son? he will do the same thing to you if he leaves her which he won't because you're his bit on the side. if he loved you so much he would have told you before he got married or asked if you wanted a relationship and left his wife for you. you need to move on and forget about him, he isn't a good catch he's a bad partner.

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    • Honestly, I was never interested in him because when we first met my ex at the time was young through a rough patch and so was he with his gf now wife. We would go out every weekend and he says that he wanted me then but all I would do is talk about my ex. I just wasn't interested in him until recently.

    • im sorry but i agree with everything prettybrown said even though you're trying not to hear it, you're trying to justify things and make excuses for him but the bottom line is he wouldn't have married her if he didn't love her and he certainly wouldn't have just bought a house with her if he was looking for a way out. he is lying to you to get you to keep sleeping with him, yeah he might like you but he's not going to leave you and it really isn't anything more than sex on the side with a friend for him. you have to offer a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship that could crash and burn, its unstable and he knows you're willing to be a cheat as much as him... his wife offers a lifetime together, stability, young child, house, a family. he says the sex can stop but its just a line he's not serious, why else would the amount of sex be increasing instead of stopping

    • like he suggests? i bet if you stopped cold turkey on him youd go back to being his friend and nothing more and hed have a new mistress within a few weeks

  • He will never leave his wife for you. Please do not fool yourself into thinking that he loves you because he doesn't. You're just a hot piece of ass on the side for him to use when things get dull with his wife. When will women open their eyes and realize that MEN LIE. Don't fall in love with words, fall in love with actions. He can tell you you're beautiful, smart, blah blah blah all fucking day but at the end of the night, who's he going home to? His wife. That should tell you everything you need to know.

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  • Why would you enforce it and then try to break it up? Like really how old are you, she deserves respect from you and her HUSBAND.. how could you guys have sex almost 3x a week that's just disrespectful and wrong! He should not be doing that that's adultery and you guys should stop.. his wife has a right to know and you should stop messing around with them.. they are married and have a child together this is just disgusting and sick.. get your life together and find a man.. I know you guys have been friends together and liked eachother but that's not the right thing to do after all you enforced him to get married and you guys have unprotected sex and then after he goes to his wife and has sex when ever that's nasty and sick and she knows nothing of it you should be ashamed and I hate to say but also him.. no ifs and butts and idc if you don't care what I'm saying or upset cuz you know it's wrong!!! 😡

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  • You've sort of ruined his family and you guys need to split to neutral corners. It doesn't matter what you think of his wife. He chose her, he married her, had a child with her, bought a house for the family, and you're coming between it. He missed his chance, that's no ones fault but his own. But sleeping with him was wrong and it needs to end. Be direct, tell him to back off, and don't talk to him anymore. If he leaves his wife it needs to be on him, not because you influenced him by sleeping with him. But stay out of it. He's got a family; I say go get your own... I'm sorry if this is harsh but after being cheated on by every person I had, I have no sympathy. And I'm sure if you were his wife you wouldn't feel too good about it either. whether you're more this that or the other thing than her, at least consider how she would feel when her husband and father of her child just decides to leave.

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