Ex - husband aarrrgghhh!!! And sex?

Divorced 2 years ago. Last several months we've been having sex just for the fun of it. Mutually agreed at the start to just be sex with no expectations (initiated by me) well our communication and Co parenting has been going better. However, I wanted to stop the sex... it's just getting us nowhere and even tho I just wanted the sex it does cloud the brain and I want to move on, this is just staying stuck! So I tried not responding and being busy. . afraid to just come out and end it because I don't want to wreck how far we've come. So then I even "picked a fight" and acted like a unreasonable jerk, so he'd back off but that hasn't worked either. Today I had to see him (stuff related to kids) and as hard as I tried to keep my distance he was persistent and I caved.. again not wanting to destroy our communication... so yeah figured easier to just have sex rather than discussion. . now I am so mad at myself now... guys - help out here.. lat 2 weeks I've done everything to push him away. . yet he still isn't going away.. does he want us back together but just can't say it? Or is this just easier for him? I even asked him today to go find a girlfriend so that we won't have sex again. . He laughed and said no way, there's no one else that sure he has friends but nothing happening with any of them. ...


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Most Helpful Girl

  • The 'EX' that has Obviously Marked His 'X' in his heart, Has it Branded in His Head as well, and not just the little one, but his Big one as well, that You and him are Still this item, His private 'Hands off' possession, and without setting him straight, for now it's getting Harder with your Excuses and your 'Picking a fight' on purpose.
    With your so-called '... Our communication and Co parenting has been going better,' with This should Also mean Your Open lines of Honest Communication should be this as well. However, I see your point, you're in between a rock and a hard place, now that you have opened up a can of 'Bedded down' worms which is Now Hard to-------Stop the sex.
    I do believe, for you seem adamant in ending the misery, that you should sit your Ex soul mate down and have a chit chat with him. You have to be honest, you have to tell him how you feel. However, in doing so, I have to be Quite honest------It may not only destroy our communication But-------Your relationship altogether now and forever.
    Good luck. xx

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    • If we could have had open and honest lines of communication we'd still be together. :(

    • Yes, I agre, but you did say Here, it got better ;Our communication and Co parenting has been going better,' which tells me, you had something very special after the divorce. xx

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What Guys Said 2

  • Let me get this straight, you tried to maintain the improvements you made in 'communication and Co parenting' by 'picking a fight and acting like a unreasonable jerk' instead of just openly saying what you want and don't want?

    You might want to seriously revise how you're approaching this.

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    • Hahaha yeah I see your point. . but you don't know him.. being an adult is not something he can do. . think of it like I was trying to "speak his language" in a manner he'd understand. .. being a jerk in the sense of not responding to his advancement or invite to get together.

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    • I see, so the strategy worked, but you buckled. At least now you know what to focus on. ; )

      You don't want to get back together right?

    • No. I think we're too far gone for that.

  • just be honest with him and tell him either you should get back together (which is always harder the second atime) are no more sex. communication is key

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What Girls Said 1

  • I can't imagine! Took me almost 18 months to get a divorce and can't stand the sight of him!! Of course, the fact that he cheated put the nail in the coffin of ever sleeping with him again! You can't move on if you're holding on to the past. You divorced for a reason. If the kids find out, you will surely confuse them... break it off if you want to move on.

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    • You know there was a time that I thought I felt that way toward him but never say never I've learned. It's never that easy when you've been with someone who you loved for so many years. There is a history and we share a lot. Stupid bad circumstances separated us and we've actually worked through a affair years ago. . I guess that's why I'm wondering if he still wants to be together.. but can't seem to say it. I'm wondering if that's why WE can't seem to stop sleeping together.

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    • Our financial state was worse than he lead on, and we were loosing our house, he wouldn't even discuss any if it with me and made no effort to help find a place to move - then he just snapped when he realized it was definitely going down and I had stuck to my word that if he wasn't a part of the move he wouldn't be moving with us. It was the last straw of him not be a father or husband. Kids and I left and he never followed. He went a year without even spending time with kids. He kept canceling for one reason or another. He left his family homeless and never even cared how we were. I found a job, a second job and have been working my butt off for my kids. Living with a relative until I could get out on own. Trust definitely broken. His lack of adulthood and manhood destroyed us.

    • Oh honey... you don't need this guy or the drama that comes along with him!! You have more than proven that you are a strong and capable woman. You have enough kids to take care of without adding one that is supposed to be helping, not hindering. The fact that he made excuses to not see his kids for a year shows how selfish he is. Keep focusing on yourself (your mental and physical health) and your kids... eventually a man that is WORTH you will come along. He has proven that he can't be trusted to have a backbone and fight for his family. His stripes won't change... if something goes sideways again, he will be out the door and you will be left picking up the pieces. It is hard, but you've walked away once... stay away while you can to preserve your mental health and that of your kids!!!

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