Ex has zero sympathy that I have an HPV infection (possibly from her). Best thing is man up and move on?

Long story short I got a HPV infection about a month after I broke up with my ex (warts). After lots of sleepless nights, professional opinions and immense stress I finally decided to tell her about it. She had been my only sexual partner for only almost two years. Infections usually appear after a few months (most people don't get infections... I was one of the unlucky few) after HPV infection. It was likely her.

Part of me didn't want to tell her because the chances of us reconciling would go from slim to none. However another part of me said it was the mature thing to do.

So we met in person and I told her what happened and she should get a pap smear. She claims to been vaccinated a year ago. When she said this she smiled and was relieved (me too). I responded "well I'm glad your alright... I'm a bit older so I'm SOL". However it is possible that she got it before the vaccination, never had any symptoms and still passed on to me. I didn't tell her that. I said my what I had to say.

The biggest thing I'm upset about is her attitude towards me after I told her this. She had absolutely zero sympathy for my situation. I'm not going to cry on her shoulder... but she didn't say "are you doing alright" or even "I'm sorry John... etc" or even a shred of consolation made me furious. After meeting with her I texted her "have a good night, but I find it strange that you were smiling when I gave you the news" she responded "you would be smiling too if you were panicking about something serious you turned to be vaccinated for". I responded "well its pretty fucking hard for me to be smiling right now. I think you are happy that I have this". She responded that she didn't mean that.

I never did anything to directly hurt her while we dated. Never cheated, hit her or anything explicitly wrong. She was good to me too... extremely good. I realize that we are split up... and that's that. This seems sickeningly unfair... do I just move on?

Updates:
I guess the above is more of a rant than a question. I know the right answer, but I had to ventilate. Part of me wants to smack my ex into left field... but I realize that's my emotion and depression speaking.
If the roles were reversed I could see myself being at least slightly sympathetic to the ex... even if I hated her. However that's my mistake... thinking people will think and react like me.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If you're an ex to her now, then yes, definitely move on. Exes don't owe each other anything after a break up. Even if it's explanations or sympathy votes. I will tell you that you have something very common and it's not the best news in the world when it happens to you, but you should know that it's out there for millions of people - me included. If she's been protected from it - good for her. I never had that option at 16 years old in 1990. But if she feels confident that she has nothing to worry about, then you just worry about yourself. She's probably a bit smug knowing that you don't have anything serious, and what it is won't ever affect her. Had she been your girlfriend then you two would be having a much different conversation I would hope. But hey, she's your ex and neither of you need to worry about what the other thinks. You showed some honesty and she's probably smiling that you were good enough to tell her without knowing she was vaccinated. Perhaps it's that that made her smile. As for you - to make up for it I'll show you sympathy. I have it too. **puts Anonymous's head to Holly's breast** there, there... it's over now... shhhhhh...

    :)

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    • thanks... yeah I know hunting for sympathy makes me look pretty pathetic. There is nothing I can say to her at this point... nothing I can do. I'm just angry that she can move on to dating and new guys with no issues and as for me... well I'm damaged goods now. I guess it would different story if people realized how common it is. However this has put one hell of a dent in my sexual confidence. I have a conscious so I'll be honest with future girlfriends prior to sex... but I sorta wish I was more ruthless like most people

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    • I'm glad it worked out for you. I hope my luck will reverse someday... just like yours.

    • Well, it's not luck-reversal. It's just that I know how you feel when you're terrified to tell someone that you have something, for fear it spoils the mood or the one person you tell will not want anything to do with you. Your approach to sex is different now. I can't believe the friends that I told, some suggested I say nothing. That's the trouble *I* got in to because two guys chose not to tell me something and ripped my choice away of whether or not to continue having sex with them. I don't want to do that to another person. I resented that I had this and the one guy just flat out denied it. Oh yeah and the guy who did that actually did the opposite of what this girl did but to cover his tracks said I gave it to him when I clearly had a first-time outbreak according to my doctor. How is that possible? Yeah, not so much. You just tell the girl you are with next and give her the choice that you clearly didn't get to have. You'll be fine. **head to breast** Shhh...

Most Helpful Guy

  • Do you just "move on"? Really... ? This chick gave you Genital Warts, manipulated/deceived you, doesn't give a shit about you in any manner which shows through her actions (what matters) and you really need to ask?

    Simply stated: Yeah.

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    • like I said... it was more of a rant than a question.

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    • I'm really not (truly) trying to harden you up. I just don't think you really yet have come to grips with what she has done to you. This girl deserves absolutely not a second of your time unless you can prove she knew about the virus and passed it on to you. If that is the case, the only time she deserves is the pending lawsuit. Other than that, she has put you in a position where a future partner is going to be incredibly difficult and thus a fulfilled life will equally be incredibly difficult.

      I just cannot stress enough how big of a deal what she did truly was and I really suggest you speak to (I assume your coverage covers mental care costs as well) a local psychiatrist because her damage done is considerable. Please focus on your actual physical/mental health right now instead of her because once you come to understand what she truly did in terms of this particular STD, it will be best to be prepared.

    • Wait a moment here. I just read some of your other responses and the last thing I plan to do is give you incorrect medical advisement. What exactly have you been diagnosed with? Read to me the exact HPV "type". If you aren't on currently and get this while I am asleep (I am about to go to bed now) I will respond before I head to work in the morning. That said (and when I initially read your statement) I was under the impression your diagnoses was for HPV Type: 6, 11, 30, 40-45, 51, 54 already but it appears you don't seem to know.

      It's really important to be specific as it changes many things/avenues for your life.

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What Girls Said 6

  • damn im sorry hear that. I am glad you didn't get anything more severe. there could be a possibility that u had it before her but the symptoms didn't present until recently

    however her reaction is suspicious and would make u think u got it from her. do u have any female relatives or friends that could fight her?

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    • I got some female friends who are pro kickboxers and could knock her into next year. However my gut is telling me she honestly didn't know when we were dating. She does occasionally say stupid things w/o thinking... I really wish she showed a little compassion for my situation, it would let me know she still cared for me. However what is done is done. All I can do is pray now and hope I meet someone who will accept me.

    • I just wish to god she would call me and apologize. But I doubt that's going to happen.

  • You're angry at her for not having it. I know you don't want her to have it, and you're probably glad she doesn't, but a little part of you is annoyed that it's only you and thinks it's unfair. OK, her reaction was probably more one of relief not gloating, but what strikes as odd is why was she vaccinated against it? I'm assuming it was while you were together? you just need to move on I think, it's over and you need to stop letting her get to you.

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    • Trust me I did NOT want to have this conversation with her. Yes I have some lingering feelings... but this talk would eliminated any possibility of us having a reconciliation. Even my irrational ID could comprehend that. However if I really do care for her... I would want her to be happy AND safe with whatever she is doing. I would want her to have a happy relationship with someone else. That was the top voice in my head that won out. Yes I admit there was a small immature voice (I'm not schizo... figure of speech) that had immature, jealous emotions. However the fact she showed no sympathy towards me proved she had zero feelings for me. I have to accept that, I get it. But it hurt quite a bit.

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    • So just like facial herpes then? If I had a breakout yeah, I would be mortified! Sorry dude - I'm sure you aren't feeling great about it and I'm not exactly helping!

    • you see... this is worst part about what I have. Most people aren't educated about the different types STDs and their impacts. I recommend you do some reading about this on wiki and few other websites.

  • She sounds rude. Forget her, she probably has it and that's why she's acting like that

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    • mostly selfish. I can't do anything at this point.

  • I have the Warts virus and it's possible that you could have got it before her , it can take two years to come out. Stress brings them on if you caught the virus

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    • yes I realize that possibility. I heard they are working on a therapeutic vaccination for this... but its going to take years to develop and approve. One silver lining is that our condition FORCES us to eat and live healthy.

  • have has a similar experience with an ex who gave me chaymidia, however he was already on antibiotics so didn't notice but he too was my only sexual partner and we were both good together, we have been broken up for months now but still does not admit to cheating.. basically your better off to move on but i totally get how angry you are towards your ex and how if the roles were reversed it would be totally different but you are clearly better off with out her, like my ex she could have given it to you even though she is vaccinated, its the worst fuckin experience but people like that are better off deserve to be smack across the face

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    • I wish I had chlamydia instead of hpv. There is a guaranteed cure for that. What I have may set up permanent residence (although it is possible my body will flush it out). Anyway I am sorry for what was done to you. I don't think my ex cheated or had any symptoms when we were dating. Another part of me deep down is sad that we could of stayed together and she would be OKAY because she the vaccination. I have to pray I meet a girl who has been vaccinated in the future.

    • thanks :-) fingers crossed it flushes it out its a horrible situation, a friend of my got hpv from a similar situation and he is now is a really loving relationship and have been together for ages (not the same person) it takes time but you will meet a great girl who will understand. :-)

  • Well she is your ex. Better move on. You informed her, thats good. But you two are over.

    But how you got this virus, its concerning. Did she already know she has it? How did she get it?

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    • 3/4 of sexually active adults have it, but most people have no symptoms. If you have had sex... there is good chance you have it. Women can get pap smears for... but there is no test for men. The vaccination protects again future infections but does nothing if you have it already. I'm wondering if she already has it and is just the lucky majority with no symptoms (but still able to spread it)

    • 3/4 have it. No, 3/4 will have it at some point. Its not exactly the same thing. I have the vaccine so I can't have it. Im not sexually active.
      Well she may have it but focus on yourself.

What Guys Said 2

  • Just man up and move up.
    You'll clear the infection soon enough. Unless you drag her to testing you can't really implicate her with any degree of certainty.

    That's the life of a man. Brush the dirt off your shoulders , wipe the blood off your face and keep moving. Nothing we can do.

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  • Sadly She Messed With Somebody Else But All You Can Do Is Move On...

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