Do I have a shot at getting back together with her?

My ex and I have been broken up for two months now. At first it was hard but I think both of us have gotten over the sadness. After the break up I tried to get back together with her I didn't beg or do crazy things, I just tried to convince her we should meet. She refused both times. After that I stopped trying. We have the same friends group so we want to remain friends. We've Been having a hard time staying friends she's always been getting mad at me and trying to make me jealous. Then after she denied all of it. We've had a few arguments here and there mainly because of her finding reasons to be mad at me then later saying it was all because she thinks it's weird being around me. She then told me she's been having a hard time at home and she's been really irritated lately. Well I decided to call her last night and check up on her we talked she gladly opened up to me and told me all about what happened at home. We spoke. for like 45 minutes she never seemed to want to hang up. We talked about not fighting anymore, random things and then I told her I was tired and went to bed. We ended on a really good note and hopefully it stays like that. After two months I still want to be with her. I've been working out, I'm happy again. I've had time to think and I still honestly think we can work if we try again. We broke up because she wanted to be single since she hasn't been that way for a while. We fought while we were together towards the end because we were always stressed out with home life. She refused to get back together because she was sure if we did it would be a repeat of the previous relationship with all the fights. How can I get her back over time, and get her to fall back into love with me without scaring her away?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Now my answer is long winded so you have to bear with me while I go off on tangents, but I just copied part of my post from another question because I think it fits well here too:

    But anyway, the solution, proven to work so far, I kept myself constantly busy with work, friends and playing games overnight when no one was there to distract me, soon my obsession subsided but the feelings are still there, after about 6 months we started to talk again over coffee, about fun we have had while we were apart, which turned into fun we used to have together, keep each meeting short and don't show too much interest, maybe meet once a fortnight at first and never place blame of the breakup while you talk, it's ok to admit where you went wrong, she will see you are learning, soon it turned into her inviting me to hers instead of going out for coffee, and it has even gotten to the point where we have had a kiss on the odd occasion, but don't let it get to your head, it's just a kiss and she may still be cautious that you will go back to how you are now, I for one know there's still a long way to go, I hope you can understand
    understand the basic points of my drawn out rant, and hope it helps, you will have to work hard but with a lot of patience, self confidence and control you can make it work. All of which can not be faked

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    • Thanks for the advice, I did mange mistakes at first and only acted out of self interest. But I stopped that and started thinking with my head. I'm not going to force anything. I have to re build a friendship with her and respect her feelings, regain her trust. I need to prove to her I've grown up and changed. It's going to take time but hopefully eventually I'll get to where you got where we're both ready to try again

    • Show All
    • I just with my ex and now I'm re considering the whole thing, She ignored me at all costs and only spoke to my other guy friends. She kept on acting like a horny slut with them even though they weren't trying anything. I sat there speechless and now I'm just angry trying yo hold myself back from messaging her something stupid. If that's who she is now a slut that won't even give me eye contact then I'm done. Im not even going to hang out with her

    • Well the good news is, she's still into you, if she wasn't then she wouldn't go to that much effort in an attempt to make you jealous, or at least get some kind of emotional response.
      The better news is, you're on the right track to getting over her and on with your life, she will be the one left wanting if that's the way she behaves

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  • You cannot win a battle over what she perceives as her freedom from falling into another dead end relationship. You need to be her friend first all over again you don't tell her your hitting the "reset" button you just act as if you did be her friend not her lover in fact forget about a sexual relationship she is not looking for that she does not equate security with sex so give up any idea for the long run of having sex.

    In fact if your not in it for the long run then do both of yourselves a favor and just leave things the way they are let her go and move on.

    The very bad news for you is your actions and the relationship itself reminded her of her previous relationship which was a bad one and so she pumped the brakes and got off before she wasted anymore time. You have a long long road ahead of you to rebuild her security and her trust that she is not repeating her mistakes from her previous relationship.

    If your going to try and repair this you need to acknowledge her feelings and verify those feelings and show her by your actions that you have grown up. Whatever it was that made you angry understand she is still going to bring that to the relationship she is no going to change you have to do the changing.

    Is she worth it? are up for it? are you ready to grow up? if the answer to any of these questions is a no then you need to be honest with yourself that you do not want to be more than just good friends and then you have to let her go.

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    • Answer to all of the questions is yes, the mistakes I made were out of panic and before I started thinking with my head. I'm in it for the long run, it's going to take patience and basically starting from scratch. I have to become her friend again, get close to her, she's already open with her life with me. But there's more to build. Baby steps.

    • Exactly and it sounds to me like your a good man for her just be her friend think about what is in it for her not for you and if you start putting yourself into her shoes you will understand a lot of her fears are not related to you and you will be able to learn not to make the same mistakes her previous bf did. Good luck I really hope this helps.

  • I'm Going To Give You My Unlicensed Professional Opinion, Look, iKnow You Love This Girl But You haven't Realized She Dumped You For A Terrible Excuse, She didn't Take Your Feelings Into Consideration When She Walked Out On You, (iBelieve Another Guy Was Maybe Involved Or Still Is) Why Else Would You Wanna Be Single? Dont Take Her Back, iKnow It's Hard But If She Did It Once Who Says She Won't Do It Again, Trust Me, Cut All Contact & Let Your Feelings Settle & Maybe Become Friends With Her Later In Life...

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    • I broke up with her, our relationship was in a rocky place and she went away on vacation. She saw our relationship from afar and saw it was un healthy. She wanted to break up based on what she said how she's re considering our relationship, she hated that she hasn't been single for enough time in her life and that she isn't sure if a relationship is what she wanted. My mom was struggling with cancer at the time so I was in a bad place, I broke up with her. My mom made a full recovery. I was able to think straight and evaluated the relationship we had. I could have been more sensitive and more understanding with her. I want to make things right and have another chance. No other guy was involved. After the call last night where she was very honest with me and open and didn't want the conversation to end shows me there hope. It'll take time. I have to regain her affection and basically start from scratch. Which I'm willing to do

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