Does anyone have advice on how can I cope with my situation?

So, basically I'm going through a (sort of) divorce. We never actually said we were going to, as far as we got was saying we were separating. Basically, he fell in love with somebody else, and left me for her. Now that she left him, he's back around, and I'm so happy but at the same time, I'm so scared. He says he wants to love me again, because he thinks it would be a waste to give up all we had. But he doesn't love me. Says he wants to "date" for now, but not exclusively. Basically, I'm scrambling to make him fall in love with me again, scrambling to show him the girl he used to love, and not the monster I became that made him fall out of love. But what if he just can't get over this other girl? I'm trying not to dwell on the negative quite so much, but I'm honestly terrified because I never stopped loving him and I don't think that I can. Neither of us are perfect, but I know with some effort we could be happy again and just go back to the way things were before. Basically, I'm just trying to keep my spirits up in a hard to handle situation. Anyone have advice on how to keep my spirit alive in this?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • A famous psychologist once stated that people find partners the same way they buy cars. They look for the best deal they can get with what they have to offer. Your story reminded me of a car I once owned and loved, but no matter how much money I put into it something new always broke down.

    Haha. Well, people aren't cars of course. But you are young and have lots of miles ahead and, I am sure, deserve more than what this guy has to offer. It seems you might not want spend time and effort in shopping around for a better partner. It could be that he has trashed your sense of self-worth and you think this philandering dude is what you deserve.

    The first rule of thumb is that an ideal partner must contribute to your well-being and self-esteem. Why get into a relationship that works against your own best interests? The trust you had before will never return after he has betrayed you. Do not give him a second chance.

    Get rid of this creepy guy, update your wardrobe, and start actively meeting appealing guys more worthy of you. You will have to do this cold turkey because you have become addicted to the notion of love itself, not this guy. You may feel down a few days (just like anyone who loses someone they were fond of) as you did when he left, but you will get over it in a few days. Meanwhile, stay active and catch up on your reading, take self-improvement classes, and find out where to meet nice guys and go there, with a girlfriend maybe. Nature will work for you.

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    • I see where you're coming from, and I've thought of all this before, I probably do deserve better, but I've also treated him horribly during out relationship. I feel like the past is the past and we have the opportunity to come from this even better than we were before if just given the chance. I HATE to sound like a desperate, clingy thing, but I really don't know how to explain the depths of my feelings for him. And I take marriage so seriously, I never would have done it if I didn't know I wanted to spend my whole life with him. Everybody has flaws, and they can all be worked around and worked through if the right effort is put into it. I'm trying so hard not to go insane because this is the one thing I want most in life and it feels like it's teetering on some wire I can't even see... but I've also been working on the 180 method, and looking around at other guys and testing the waters. I'm afraid of what losing him will do to me mentally, but if I need to, I know I can move on.

    • And honestly, I feel more than a little pathetic that I can't seem to let go of somebody who can't decide if they want me or not. His actions say yes, but his words say, "who knows?"

    • You state here that you can move on if you need to, and that sounds okay to me because you are aware of possible bumps in the road ahead and are experienced enough to know how to avoid them.

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What Girls Said 1

  • He left you. That's awful. You shouldn't have to win him back.

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