Hurt guy looking for a way to make things right or just leave it how it is?

I broke up with my ex gf and in doing so because i was hurt and mad. I wrote her an email and text after the fact and told her I hated her and i pointed out every flaw she had. I know it totally destroyed her that's why I did it.
We've been together for about a year. The background is she fell for me before I did. She was getting out of her only relationship she's ever had. She met me. We instantly connected. But I was afraid to go all in because she was still with her ex but didn't know how to get out. I was afraid I'd end up like him. By getting cheated on if she fell out of love with me. We started to get serious. But she found old message in my phone from girls I slept with before I had feelings for her while we were dating it crushed her.
Move forward to a couple days ago we've been on again off again for months trying to figure out how to make it work. We can't. She destroyed and manipulated my pride ego and self esteem. We were very destructive towards each other. Then she didn't want me to go out with friends and said I was a bad parent. I was furious. I live for my children. But she knew that would hurt me. It did tremendously.
I decided to ask her to dinner one more time to talk.
She had plans to hang out with her sister. Those fell through. So I asked her again. She told me that she was exhausted and wanted to go home. But a girl friend from work invited her to a labor day party that she agreed to go but forgot about and she felt bad not doing that for a little bit. I was irate. I was to tired to see me but could go party with coworkers. My ego was bruised.
I lost it and text her that I hated her and I never wanted to see her or hear from her again. I also told her I was going to tell anyone that would listen how bad of a friend she is to those coworkers because all she does is bash them to me. I also told her I was going to send anything intimate she sent me to all of our coworkers. I am ashamed. I am embarrassed that told her those things.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Your little text sounded like a spoiled brat who's about 12.
    Personally, I wouldn't speak to you anymore either. If you're age bracket is right, that's crazy, you just need to grow up and stop having temper tantrums like a toddler.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Giving us your back story feels like you're trying to justify or explain why you were an asshole, but it's not needed. Your reasons "why" don't really matter. What you DID is what matters, and what you do NEXT is what matters.

    If you feel bad, and you should, then perhaps you should apologize, explain that you were acting irrationally because you were so hurt and and angry, and that you're not going to do the things you threatened to do... mostly because it's childish but also because you don't want to hurt her any more.

    Growing up and becoming someone your children look up to takes courage and strength.

    It's understandable that you will fall apart sometimes and feel terrible. But having a temper tantrum is not how you fix how you feel. It's the same reason people give for hitting their wives... because they "lost it."

    I recommend you learn something important right now - nobody can control you without your permission. You said "She destroyed and manipulated my pride ego and self esteem." Which isn't actually true.

    It's possible that she said and did things that "triggered" you to then FEEL certain ways, but you MUST learn to take responsibility for how you think and feel and stop giving that power over to anyone else.

    If someone swears at you in a language you don't understand can they magically "destroy" your self esteem? No. It's not what others are saying to you, it's how you CHOOSE to interpret what they are saying and then how you FEEL about your OWN interpretation.

    Your girlfriends angry insults are not to blame for your behaviour - you are.

    When you take responsibility for how you THINK and FEEL and ACT you'll discover that other people will no longer be able to push your buttons, AND you'll have full control over your pride and ego and self esteem.

    I hope this helps?


    ~ Robby

    (My Blog )


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What Girls Said 1

  • Apologize and tell her you only said those things because you were hurt.
    Then never talk to her again. You know you're both toxic for each other.


What Guys Said 0

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